Oh my god Becky, look at those kidneys: This is the 2019 BMX X7

Jeff Glucker

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The Ultimate Kidney Machine is here. Look at those gigantic beans sitting on the bow of this behemoth. What you see before you is the new 2019 BMW X7 Cayonero.
Length? Just .6-inches shy of a Cadillac Escalade, at 203.3-inches. It’s ten inches longer than the X5. This is a big Bimmer.
BMW will offer the X7 in two versions; the xDrive40i and xDrive50i. One is a 3.0-liter turbocharged inline six-cylinder engine while the other is a 4.4-liter twin-turbocharged V8. The former is good for 335 horsepower and 330 pound-feet of torque, while the latter produces 456 hp and 479 lb-ft of torque. Each is paired with an eight-speed automatic gearbox.
People want crossovers. People like big. And those with cash like the latest shiny thing. We expect these to sell quite well for BMW, and we also look forward to the bastardized “M” version driving this brand ever farther away from the Ultimate Driving Machine factory that it used to be.
http://hooniverse.info/2014/02/10/hooniverse-asks-how-would-you-change-bmws-lineup/
(Though a Dinan-tuned xDrive50i would absolutely be a glorious highway commuter…)

About

Jeff Glucker

Jeff Glucker

Jeff Glucker is the co-founder and Executive Editor of Hooniverse.com. He’s often seen getting passed as he hustles a 1991 Mitsubishi Montero up the 405 Freeway. IG: @HooniverseJeff

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12 responses to “Oh my god Becky, look at those kidneys: This is the 2019 BMX X7”

  1. HuntRhymesWith Avatar
    HuntRhymesWith

    They’re literally one quarter of the front of the car. I think this is it. I think we’re reaching a peak here.

    Reply
  2. Fred Avatar
    Fred

    I hope that this is needed for cooling rather than an actual styling exercise.

    Reply
    1. outback_ute Avatar
      outback_ute

      I think the phrase here is Bless your heart

      Reply
      1. Fred Avatar
        Fred

        Just trying to be more positive, think good thoughts and believe that people are really trying to make the world a better place.

        Reply
  3. neight428 Avatar
    neight428

    So are the BMW engineers trying to dissuade people from buying CUV’s by making them hideous?

    Reply
    1. duurtlang Avatar
      duurtlang

      I hope this is a new trend that will be followed by all other manufacturers.

      Reply
  4. Toaster Avatar
    Toaster

    Kill it, kill it with fire.

    Reply
  5. Lokki Avatar
    Lokki

    Looks like a designer got kicked off the Rolls Royce team, and got stuck doing SUV’s. Either that or there was a huge sale on storm drain grates.

    Reply
    1. Avatar
      Anonymous
      Reply
    2. Vairship Avatar
      Vairship

      Looks like a Chinese copy of a BMW instead of a real BMW. And since the project probably started with “What will the Chinese buy?”, that might not be too far off.

      Reply
  6. I_Borgward Avatar
    I_Borgward

    SPY SHOT! 2020 BMW X7 M CSI GT AMERICA
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7ac88c308666eb1bc83ade532363319184373751e81254f8d78e08f7b422782a.jpg

    Reply
  7. crank_case Avatar
    crank_case

    The entire function of kidneys is for extracting the urine… seems fitting.

    Reply