Hooniverse Asks- How Do You Man-up a Girlie Car?

I’m all for gender equality, and think that women should have the same opportunities, and earn as much as do men for the same work. But despite that, I do think there’s some significant differences between men and women – and there’s a couple of those differences for which I am eternally grateful. One of the less gratifying differences between the sexes is on car choices.
Oh sure, there’s plenty of both dudes and dudettes that like lots of the same rides, but there are certain vehicles that have – whether through manufacturer planning or just luck of the draw – become emblematic of one gender or the other. And for those of us most adept at writing our names in the snow – remember to dot the i! – that can result in a bit of an emotional conundrum should we kitten to a car or truck that’s perceived as being singularly a possession of the opposite sex.
Sure, you could just man up and tell detractors to shut up, but then there’s all those folks you don’t know but who are quietly judging you from the next lane over on the expressway, what about them? That’s why you need to macho-ize your ride, should the stench of estrogen be too strong with it. The flower vase in Volkswagen’s New Beetle is an obvious no-no, while the MX5 can be butched up with the addition of a rollbar and Hooters license plate frame. Those are just a couple of options for making those obvious Girlie cars less so, but what are your tried and true scrotal enhancements that make any chick car more macho?
Image source: [VW Newsroom.com]

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  1. ATOMZ Avatar

    I used to drive a silver with black roof new MINI and found that blacking out all of the chrome helped make it a little more man-ified in looks

    1. Jesseahoon Avatar

      Every few months I start to think I'd really like to drive a Mini, especially the base model for 87 octane and good fuel mileage. They just look like a fun car. But then I see a pair of dudes riding around in one, and just decide it's more like the 4-wheel equivalent of a Vespa and just slink back to my Saabaru and the 20 mpg on 93 octane reality.

      1. Deartháir Avatar

        Stay tuned; I've got a whole Mini article on its way.

      2. Alff Avatar

        If a man chooses a Hummer to compensate, what does that say about the guy who proudly rolls something called a "Mini"?

        1. dead_elvis Avatar

          Hi, I'm Hugh Jdong.

  2. Alff Avatar

    Not sure if this answers the question but in my teens I had a car that epitomized girly – a VW "bitch basket". True to its reputation, the girls loved it. So much so that I became a man in it – many times over. Girly or not, the telltale dent in the hood always made me smile, and the rollbar was useful for certain semiacrobatic manuevers.

    1. Maymar Avatar

      I just sort of want to drape a Cabrio in GTI parts for the confused looks.

  3. OA5599 Avatar

    <img src="http://www.heywhatsyour.com/images/prius-blower.jpg"&gt;
    A blower sticking through the hood.
    Less effective: truck nuts.
    <img src="http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploads16/bigvetnuts1260975015.jpg"&gt;

    1. Alff Avatar

      You mean like this?
      <img src="http://img20.imageshack.us/img20/4981/puddinf.jpg"&gt;

      1. JayP Avatar

        Sorry that I can't +1 that post but once.

  4. tonyola Avatar

    I did some mild mods to my blue/silver '84 CRX – flush headlight covers and a red reflector panel between the taillights. The reflector looked particularly good – it was an official Honda accessory and it truly looked like part of the car.
    <img src="http://carphotos.cardomain.com/ride_images/2/3632/1561/21578280245_large.jpg&quot; width=400>

  5. engineerd Avatar

    Well, the first chick car that came to mind was the VW Cabriolet. So, how do you man up this quintiscential chick car? At first, I thought about truck nuts. But that's absurd and looks like you're trying to hard. Then I thought about painting it camo, but all the girlies are wearing camo these days. And then it came to me:
    Kill markings and near-pornographic WW2-style nose art. LIke this!
    <img src="http://www.bertaut.com/noseArt.jpg"&gt;

    1. OA5599 Avatar

      Also, numerous guns.

      1. engineerd Avatar

        Yes. Maybe a few .50 cals mounted to the hood.

    2. dukeisduke Avatar

      A P-61 Black Widow!

      1. P161911 Avatar

        I thought it was at first too. Black Widow never had 8 nose guns. That's an A-26.
        <img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2038/1528290489_3bc26079d6.jpg"width=500&gt;

    1. Tiller188 Avatar

      OK, I literally LOL'd at that one.

  6. tiberiusẅisë Avatar

    You guys are all trying way to hard. Nothing says driven by a dude* like one of these babies.
    * a dude who lives in his parents basement
    <img src="http://starland.com/catalog/images/WSSTSF.jpg&quot; width="400">
    image courtesy of starland

  7. tonyola Avatar

    It's important to make a point here. Having a "girly" car can also mean having a car that girls love to ride in. For instance, a Miata is seen by many as a girly (or even gay) car, yet I've known Miata owners who have gotten lots of attention from the ladies because of their cute car. Indeed, some women who would look at disdain at a guy driving a Corvette or Viper (is he compensating for something?) would happily ride along with a nice guy in a Miata (comfortable with his masculinity). I had some of the same sort of fun driving a CRX ("Oh, what a darling little car") that led to more interesting things. And then there's the friend who had a triple-white Rabbit cabriolet – he got lots of jabs about his masculinity from his male friends but he had no trouble whatsoever attracting the girls with his car. They absolutely loved it.

    1. P161911 Avatar

      The whole cars attracting women is a whole different and very strange subject. Back in college (early/mid 1990s) I had a '77 Corvette and a '79 Blazer. What little interaction I did have with girls (It was an engineering school and I was shy), the girls showed pretty much total dis-interest in the Corvette, but really liked the old Blazer.
      After college I got a red '94 Corvette, women showed some slight interest but it really didn't matter. When I was dating my now wife, and had my car parked at her house, at first everyone that didn't know us assumed that the Corvette belonged to the boyfriend of her HOTT roommate. We just got a laugh out of it.

    2. facelvega Avatar

      I knew a turkish gangster in Berlin who stopped driving sports cars to switch to a Citroen 2CV. He said that he'd never had so many girls try to talk to him as with the 2CV. Of course, he didn't have any lack of manliness to worry about, being as I say a suit-wearing, quietly menacing gangster.

  8. west_coaster Avatar

    In the early '80s, a buddy of mine had a VW Rabbit Cabrio. It was white-on-white, and I think he was the only driver of one who wasn't a 17 year old girl named Tiffany or Jenny.
    But he quickly got to work tricking it out. Some bigger Ronal wheels with low-profile-for-the-time (50-series I think) rubber. It was also lowered, and had a backwards font "SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT" graphic tint across the top of the windshield.
    Much less chick car that it started out as.

  9. Armand4 Avatar

    I bought my Sunbeam thinking "hey, this is the car Sean Connery drove in Dr. No." Then I overheard some people looking at it and saying "hey, that's the car Elizabeth Taylor drove in Butterfield 8."
    The hubcaps came off the next day, and the loud exhaust went on a week later.

    1. Van Sarockin Avatar
      Van Sarockin

      Elizabeth Taylor gave you her car? YU DA MAN!

  10. facelvega Avatar

    No car is a girlie car if the driver is manly enough. Even the toughest car is still pretty girlie if the guy driving it has been emasculated, which is often enough the kind of person who buys a car like that in the first place. It's called overcompensation. This is why I don't trust Raptor fans.

    1. muthalovin Avatar

      And that is why I don't trust Harley fans.

      1. ZomBee Racer Avatar

        I ride a "girl's" Harley.

      2. ZomBee Racer Avatar

        >poof!?!?< (went to update my previous reply with something funnier involving chubby lesbians, but Hoonibbles thwarted me yet again)

    2. facelvega Avatar

      Maybe the better question here is how to make a manly car more girl-friendly, i.e. how to make a testosterone-symbol vehicle not make its owner look like a complete dick.

      1. BlackIce_GTS Avatar

        I want to know how to make a manly car not make people think I want them to assume anything about my wang.
        IE; I want to drive a Viper because Vipers are awesome. I don't want to drive a Viper because it's impossible to convince people that you don't drive a Viper for any penis-related reason.

  11. muthalovin Avatar

    I came here to say truck nutz, for lulz, but no.
    There are many, many ways to manify a girly car, but, you know, why? Do you really give a flip about what other people say when they pull up to you at a stop light, look down at your yellow new bug with daisy rims, and laugh? Hell no. You are a MAN. Statement enough. Sure you have a petunia in the vase, but, dammit, you like them! So eff those guys in their Raptors and on their Harelys. They are just a bunch of testosterone driven fools. You have nothing to prove.

  12. P161911 Avatar

    Used to work with a guy that bought a New Beetle for his son. The son wouldn't have it, so dad ended up driving it. He kept a Mini-Mag Light in the flower vase.

  13. SSurfer321 Avatar

    Magnetic Flames!
    <img src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41jnRdsa86L._SL500_AA300_.jpg"&gt;
    IMG from Amazon.com

  14. BGW Avatar

    Wood paneling, scotch and cigars. It may say "Eos" on the outside but there's no reason it can't say "Hunting Lodge" on the inside.

    1. facelvega Avatar

      Try Overfinch Holland and Holland edition. They've done the Range Rover, why not an Eos?
      <img src="http://www.blogcdn.com/www.autoblog.com/media/2009/09/rr_hh_of_lo_06.jpg&quot; width="400">
      <img src="http://image.europeancarweb.com/f/30636708+w750+st0/epcp_0909_02_z+holland_and_holland_range_rover+drinks.jpg&quot; width="400">

      1. Alff Avatar

        The Overfinch and Holland Edition Eos – perfect for snipe hunting.

    1. Alff Avatar

      we have a winner

    2. ZomBee Racer Avatar

      Judging by the clues available, I can surmise this is probably NOT a new Ferrari.

      1. Deartháir Avatar

        Audi R8, unless I miss my guess.

  15. Syrax Avatar

    Negligence. The easiest way.
    <img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/71/165145085_1ce40b381e.jpg"/&gt;

  16. Tim Odell Avatar
    Tim Odell

    Flog it
    <img src="http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploads4/AutocrossBeetle1106447235.jpg"&gt;
    Nothing says butch like feathered tires are molten rubber on the fenders.

    1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      Mmm, Turbo S with Jetta/GTI/NB Color Concept 17s. You damn well bet I would.

  17. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    Camo and a grenade launcher* are a step in the right direction, but up-armoring would clinch the deal.
    <img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3260/2866646513_ac506b4a15.jpg"&gt;
    *a minigun or Ma Deuce are also acceptable. If an M60 or M240 are used, they probably should be ring mounted especially on minivans — hiding them behind the grille or using an electric remote turret will just make you look like a cowering, scaredycat panty-waist.

    1. Maymar Avatar

      <img src="http://www.scooteringusa.com/vestank.jpg&quot; /img>
      No doubt you're familiar with the military-spec Vespa, right?

  18. Jennings R. Scroggs, Jr. Avatar
    Jennings R. Scroggs, Jr.

    Extra headlights and mud!
    <img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5308/5672634569_feb1ec992b.jpg&quot; width="500" height="414" alt="66 rac rally fall-wood mini cooper s">

    1. austinminiman Avatar

      I don't like what you're implying.

      1. Alff Avatar

        Amen. Masochistic, perhaps. Girly? Never.

      2. buzzboy7 Avatar

        I agree good sir. The minis are far from girlie. With 1.3 whole liters of massive power(number rounded of course, I can't remember which is which). Nothing like a lame little VW beetle….

      3. Jennings R. Scroggs, Jr. Avatar
        Jennings R. Scroggs, Jr.

        The Mini is use for illustrative purposes only! No slight is meant against the original Mini, their owners, the manufacturers, their employees, corporate officers, stockholders of the British Motor Corporations, and their successors and or assigns. Offer void in Tennessee.

  19. tonyola Avatar

    Plaster your VW New Beetle Cabrio or Toyota Yaris with a few of these and you'll be indisputably a MAN – respected by millions with all the girls dropping at your feet!
    <img src="http://letstalkabout.tv/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/playboy-logo.gif"&gt;

    1. BlackIce_GTS Avatar

      Just wear this:
      <img src="http://www.comparestoreprices.co.uk/images/pl/playboy-towelling-and-plastic-visor.jpg"&gt;
      Powerfully manly!
      I'm not sure if it's recent, but I only see girls wearing/accessorizing the Playboy logo. I think the symbolism is less "I like pictures of naked ladies" and more "I am really very pretty I have or could have appeared in this publication for serious."

  20. Bret Avatar

    My Miata is masculated by the presence of my palpable masculinity; with my beard and sonorous resonant voice, I am never mistaken for anything but a man. The car has a few visible track toy mods like a roll bar and slightly lower ride height and <s>adorable</s> totally fucking awesome stripes, but, if I'm honest, I think the thing that mans up that car is my stupifyingly enormous genitalia.
    You see, I drive the Miata to compensate for being a mega manly macho meat machine. Sit me in a Corvette and really bad things (crossed streams bad) would happen.

      1. Bret Avatar

        That's not too far off the mark. I'm similarly hirsute, but with a full head of hair and I dress more like James May.I'm shamelessly a gentleman, equally comfortable in a racing car or at the opera house. And I'm a human tripod.

  21. Deartháir Avatar

    My obvious answer would be to not care about the perception. Of course, any of us here are going to buy a car because it performs well, or because it has some significance that makes it interesting. If it's a Miata, we're buying it because we secretly know just how kick-ass a performer it can be with a bit of work. A New Beetle, well, let's hope it's because it's a cheap way to get a TDI or the Turbo version. A Del Sol because it's a very easy engine swap to put in, say, the Prelude powerplant. An Eos because it's a GTI with a drop-top, and still goes like a raped ape.
    From that point, every car deserves a new set of wheels, but not caring about how girly it looks is an even better way to surprise the flat-brimmer in his riced-out Civic when he tries to scoff at your "feminine" car.

  22. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

    oooh… Art Car is not an accepted answer here in the Hooniverse…

    1. dead_elvis Avatar

      THIS is an Art Car! No girlyness to start with, no extra manliness needed (and Truck Nutz would drag on the road).
      <img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5308/5672634569_feb1ec992b.jpg"&gt;

    2. Alff Avatar

      …. unless the question is, "How do you show the world that you don't really like cars?"

  23. buzzboy7 Avatar

    Plain and simple, you don't.
    <img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8e/Volkswagen-New-Beetle-Convertible.jpg/800px-Volkswagen-New-Beetle-Convertible.jpg&quot; width="500">
    There is nothing you can do to look like a man while driving a convertable new beetle, or any other new beetle for that matter.

    1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      If you're trying to tell me that roasting tires from a stop isn't manly…
      <img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4126/5144443542_c8a8f3bf0b_b.jpg&quot; width=600>
      …well, I just can't bring myself to care.

  24. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

    I like the way you think. I'll be the first to admit that despite turbo power, an exposed front bumper, and rear seats that fold flat to allow comfortable sleeping accommodations, a Volvo wagon isn't the manliest car on the road – so it's getting a quality coat of chalkboard green soon. My friend's CB9 ('91 Accord wagon) will hopefully receive the same treatment.

  25. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

    Simple – you park it next to a girlier car.
    <img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5109/5625917218_148f2d5876_b.jpg&quot; width="600/">
    (F. Plushroom, Contrast in Geometry, 2011)

    1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      Seriously, though. The New Beetle's my mother's, and it leaves most other cars I've driven – my 740 Turbo and my friend's '01 9-3, for instance, though they're both automatics – in the dust. It's just so goddamn fun, appearance be damned. And it's a terrific sleeper, as well – being a Volvo guy, I love that.
      If I ever inherit Entie, the only major change I'll make will be replacing the seasonally-rotated faux flower in the bud vase with a couple of roller-ball pens and/or a Sharpie. I've kept these (as well as a pair of knock-off Channel-Locks and a pair of dice) in the instrument cluster of whichever car I'm dailying for my entire driving career; the pens are for notes and jotting down fuel history, while the Channel-Locks stem from formerly having to pull a ceramic fuse from Violet before parking her overnight before I poleaxed the power locks. The dice are for luck. Sadly, I'd have to give up everything save the writing utensils if I adopt a New Beetle; the round gauge pod is rather limiting.

    2. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      And if that fails, there's an alternative solution…
      <img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5181/5764641116_44bc210a65_b.jpg&quot; width=600>
      No, he's not a pretty car at the moment. Work is ongoing, but I can't say I mind this terribly.

  26. Battles Avatar

    I'd roll in that. Nice job.