Let’s say that, for whatever reason, the world has been thrown into a period of economic uncertainty for those of us of meager means. Where would you turn to make ends meet? I for one, would probably take up bank robbery. I mean after all, if you get away with it you’ve got that sweet, sweet cash, and if you get caught somebody else is now paying for your room and board and three squares a day. Win/win, right?
Taking up a life of crime means having a suitable getaway car and the best ride for nefarious activities is one that blends in with the crowd. With that in mind, let’s see what we can come up with as the most anonymous car that is presently sold today. After all, even criminals appreciate that new car smell.
Image: Autocar.uk
Hooniverse Asks: What's the Most Anonymous Vehicle Sold Today?
By Robert Emslie
Feb 14, 2017
Jeff Glucker
Ford Focus Sedan?
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7a/2012_Ford_Focus_SFE_sedan_–_08-12-2011.jpg
I found myself struggling to come up with an answer that wasn’t, well… boring.
Let’s call it the world’s most boring paradox, because if we actually did manage to find the world’s most anonymous car, it wouldn’t be so anonymous anymore. We need a car that is only moderately inconspicuous.
It all depends on the environment as well. Rob a bank in rural Russia, and a Lada 2107 would be perfect. In New York it would be idiotic. However, from Antwerp to Zanzibar, no one will ever think twice about a Toyota Auris. Preferably in Refrigerator White.
http://www.topgear.com/sites/default/files/styles/16x9_1280w/public/cars-car/image/2015/02/buyers_guide_-_toyota_auris_hybrid_2014_-_front_quarter.jpg?itok=ewQoAef4
Too common though, you need one of its competitors that fewer people will be able to identify
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/68bebb22bc1da26795972bcd3b593127233cfcbefecc2e24f4b4aa1686f2bbf2.jpg
If you ask the non enthusiast world, there’s a heck of an Impalabu that Chevy makes… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6096590668f6214b3d89c66f8536b3394fa12e53a74ddd84caaaabc61bc2277b.jpg
Until you start it
Preach, brother!
Yes?
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3dfb98b9774c398f9918bf4a5dac3414ee1df7f661f07a13cd66650ea00fa6cb.jpg
Winner.
For maximum anonymity, make it silver.
For sleeperhood, go for the V6 option. Forget the turbo 4s, they aren’t quite up to speed with the V6es yet.
So, do you prefer Zanussi or Hotpoint?
Zanussi sounds too exotic and sexy.
Hot? Sure. Exotic? Maybe. Sexy? Hell no!
https://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NDQ5WDgwMA==/z/QqkAAOSw-0xYhwJD/$_20.jpg
(Edit: in defense, we don’t have Hotpoint here)
Italian cannot be anonymous. Unreliable? Sure. Underbuilt? Absolutely. Anonymous, never.
http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/4426/30/16×9/640.jpg
That Ford or Kia is good looking.
Most anonymous there IMO; the Chrysler or the Subaru (so many manufacturers doing a variant of a large, six-sided grille)
And ironically they’re the two that are actually painted a tolerable color.
If I want a nice generic vehicle description, I’m going with black pickup truck. Here in Georgia that covers a good 20% of the vehicles on the road.
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/CGmxmZStYGw/maxresdefault.jpg
Has the Matrix been discontinued?
http://adland.tv/commercials/toyota-matrix-car-chase-2002-30-usa
http://image.trucktrend.com/f/roadtests/suv/163_1309_2014_jeep_grand_cherokee_v_6_and_v_8_first_tests/58942065/2014-jeep-grand-cherokee-v6-limited-rear-three-quarters.jpg
Georgia answer: General Lee.
http://www.careofcars.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/general-lee-cars-on-trailer.jpg
Not since 1978. They killed all the Chargers in the area.
Only temporarily.
http://www.sub300.com/gm/lee.jpg
They actually advertised the Yaris this way.
The official car of ruined back road hoons.
But wait, there’s more!
Just one more.
Target market: idiots
Quite seriously, to be anonymous I would choose 2014 Chevy Impala in Silver, and strip the emblems off. I might consider putting Hyundai or Honda logos in their place if I thought someone might actually try to find me.
Oh, and I might gin up a little Enterprise Rental car “e” on my printer to put on the car.
Poof! Instant invisibility!
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/301d65446fdcb0be7424944ee479a20d59d47e12d1b44fd0ca7d5e14c69a9808.jpg
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/35/VW_Tiguan_2.0_TDI_4MOTION_R-Line_(II)_–_Frontansicht,_19._September_2015,_Frankfurt.jpg
I almost think we might be in a pretty good era for distinctive looking vehicles, but the VW Tiguan is pretty much what a small kid would draw when asked to draw mom’s car.
Hmm, it’s presently only manufactured in Pakistan (RHD, yo!), but I guess that counts?
I’m going to rest on my Craigslist Crapshoot laurels and go with the Suzuki Kizashi, which won CLCS last June in the anonymous car segment.
http://hooniverse.info/2016/06/22/craigslist-crapshoot-175/
https://i0.wp.com/friendsmania.net/autos/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Suzuki-Kizashi-Car-2014-2015-Price-in-Pakistan-India-Pictures.jpg?fit=863%2C414
Wierd! I saw one of these just the other day; I had to walk by it to identify exactly WHAT it was, LOL!! 🙂
speaking of getting away with nefarious activities in anonymous cars, a friend of mine used to be in a gentlemens motorcycle enthusiast club (whose initials may or may not have included HA) and when up to something a bit naughty would get his (inherited) Datsun 120Y out of the garage, never got looked at, never mind stopped. all the other boys would be out and about in their matt black V8’s and wondered why they were always getting caught…….
I took a leaf out of his book and equipped my very stock 1977 falcon with a chrome Christian fish badge and a ‘welcome to Nhill’ sticker (Nhill is a way out in the country town that knows no crime as far as I’m aware) and these simple measures rendered me invisible to prying eyes
Dodge Minivan. You never notice them unless you have decided to try to do so, and then you see that they are everywhere. Even old ones that defy the longevity expectations of your typical pentastar are all around us, silently schlepping more people and stuff than we can fit in three trips.