The mighty tome pictured above, all 176 pages of it, all seven and a half pounds of it, is a brochure. I mean, seriously. This million quid boat lark really is a whole ‘nother world. As a connoisseur of the printed promotional pamphlet (or a deeply troubled individual addicted to the accumulation of old crap) I thought it worth sharing with you.

But they don’t even just give you that; there’s more!!! Join me to salivate over more glossy Princess Powerboats freebies over the jump.

It’s a book, quite frankly. In fact it’s gone straight into the list of the top ten highest quality books in my entire house. And it’s a brochure! The production of this thing just defies belief; it’s filled with the kind of seriously studied photography you might imagine of a publication designed to showcase the finer points of big money boating, but on a scale I’ve never quite seen before.

It’s one of a very few brochures I possess which is actually protected by a dustjacket; merely being a hardback was obviously not seen as statement enough. It’s very tactile, too; coated with a thin layer of what feels like silicone, for a rubbery, substantial feel. This is the sort of thing you keep for ever, not just out of curiosity but because it’s a work of art. It could grace any coffee table as a talking point for family and neighbours. The only minor criticism I might level against it as a portfolio of the output of the premier boatyard of Plymouth is that it’s perhaps a little light on data.

To get over that, they bundle in a separate price list. A more slender volume but still running into dozens of artfully composed pages and with the same rubberized finish that my fingers loved so much. The prices, of course, make for eye-watering reading, with numbers being mentioned which were far bigger than any of the ones I learnt about during secondary school mathematics lessons. But then, if they’re holding their December 2013 prices as the front cover suggests, well, there are obviously bargains to be had!

Once you’ve burrowed through this supplement, if there is still any questions left unanswered you can switch to the DVD-Rom they’ve also enclosed, a two-disc set to match the other two items, produced with the care and attention that has become, well, a bit routine now.

As if to address any lingering doubts you might have about your acquisition of one of their boats, they throw in a couple of magazines. The larger of the two, Watermark, addresses the wider world of powerboating and the many wonderful experiences that await within it. It’s a corporate magazine, so the Princess brand features heavily within, but mainly in the context of “Cruise the coves and bays of Sardinia, especially in a Princess 56”

“Don’t forget to buy Ovaltine.”

The smaller magazine, MyPrincess isn’t about mail-order brides or anything like that, rather what your life might be like once you’ve taken possession of one of the Queen Anne Battery Marina, Plymouth’s fine fibreglass fabrications. Handy hints on how to make the best use of your yacht, tales from other owners, mentions of club meets and recommended destinations, and support should anything go wrong. It’s all very cosy. So far the entire package looks eminently inviting and I quite badly want to be part of it. Help me.

Finally, realising that they’ve just given you about six kilos of stuff to lug around the show, they had to give you something to make it portable. Their solution is a not just a bag, it’s so much more than that.

Well, no, OK, it’s just a bag. But it’s a beautifully printed one with the silver and the Princess crest and identity on the outside, the crown logo printed on the inside in the style of a Louis Vuitton purse, and the handle is made from marine-style nylon rope.

And that’s all from just one stand; one company. I’m sure Sunseeker would have had something similar in store but, you know what, I wouldn’t have been able to deal with any more weight. I wonder if this might be one of the tactics behind the creation of these massive heavy brochures; to make them so unwieldy that a customer is rendered unable to deal with any more than the first one they pick up. Visit Princess for a brochure and there’s no way you’ll be able to handle anything from Fairline, Sunseeker or Sealine. Your back will be broken and your arms will end up many times their original length.

And with that I throw it wide open to you. What’s the wildest, most unnecessarily opulent brochure you’ve ever been given, about anything?

[Images: Copyright 2014 Hooniverse/Chris Haining]