You’re looking at a 1975 Country Squire with a 460ci V8. In stock smog-compliant form, it likely wheezed out 180hp right before they parked it 15 years ago. Luckily, after tons of cheater parts mildly modified with some junkyard parts you the output could be upgraded substantially. Ford Wagons are great because they’re essentially a half-ton truck drivetrain, meaning backing up that monster mill is a sturdy C6 and nine-inch diff. Meaning you could swap the tall 3-point-something diff in this for a 4.88 posi from Summit 4.10 from a junkyard F150 without issue.
The theme is the tricky part.
The obvious direction is to go Lampoons Family Vacation. Metallic Pea, wood siding, etc. The problem is, it’s obvious, and it’s been done in several times in LeMons history including on a Pinto wagon. Unless you can actually convince Chevy Chase to join your team, Lampoons is out.
…but that doesn’t mean you can’t riff on the old-school family hauler image. Our suggestion: Good old fashioned late-70s Church Going Family. Clean the wagon up as much as possible with some new wood-grain contact paper and a rattle-can job . Everyone in matching slacks, yellow sweaters and collared shirts, asking people if they’d like to “hear some good news” and handing out tracts.
But there’s a twist: The tracts are for the the Cult of Cthulhu, preaching the coming of The Great Ones. If offered they’d be happy to tell you about the Necronomicon. It’ll definitely have a Cthulhu-fish on the tailgate, and maybe some bumper-stickers. We’re thinking in the evening between racing sessions you can tour the paddock with a bullhorn imploring other racers to come to a meeting at your pits where you help them see the way.
You’ll either get Organizers’ Choice or People’s Curse, but it’ll be awesome no matter what. Got a better idea?
It’s on eBay at $750, but we suspect that’s pretty negotiable.
Jeff Glucker
Nothing tricky about the theme. Is there any other choice besides Wagon Queen Family Truckster? [Yes, I read your objections, but, honestly, I had already considered and dismissed them.]
Agreed. Make the family all zombies for added fun.
Hey, I'd love to be on team Cthuhlu. I have no tools, no shop, no trailer, limited amount of track experience, and only a theoretical knowledge of the workings of this car, but still, I'm in. I'll keep the beer supply going or something.
Another tract: http://www.rubbersuitstudios.com/ptcct.htm
I'm pretty sure that a 75 Ford Wagon is close to if not over the 4200lb. max weight for LeMons. You MIGHT be able to get an exception though.
There is absolutely no question you'd get an exception.
Theme would be easy. Clark Griswold would be rolling the family across the country on vacation. Even though you say it wouldn't work, I think it would if done properly.
I can get behind the Cthulhu-cultist theme. Alternately, the cult of Dagon would be good; then the team members in slacks and sweaters would get to wear fish and frog masks. That's much more confusing, and marginally more obscure.
The troubling thing to me about malaise era Fords is that they all look the same! A Torino, T-Bird, and LTD all look the same, just different sizes, and with slightly different details. I hate malaise era cars!
Torino… Can you imagine this painted up like a giant Starsky and Hutch car, or a Torino Talladega?
Oh dear God, that could be scary… Or scary cool!
I know it has nothing to do with anything, but for some reason those headlight covers just seem to be begging for an installation of eyelashes. Maybe paint the front bumper pink.
Perhaps an Anna Nicole Smith theme? She was a big girl with a little bit of Country. Blonde hair paint theme down the side, sponsored by Slim-Fast, driven by greed. It could work.
I mean, or you could daily-drive it and never be fucked with ever.
Lane Meyer Racing.
Motto: Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.
Car value: TWO DOLLARS!
Now we just need to find someone who speaks Howard Cosell, and get them to enter a beater Falcon.
You'd need a couple of ducks.
A 75? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
460ci and NO SMOG CHECKS! That car would make a bad-ass sleeper or street cruiser.
I had a 73 LTD wagon with the 400 in high school. That car was a hell of a lot of fun to jump with 9 people and a keg of beer out in the diggings. Ohhhh, I've said too much…
<img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4070/4690260650_2b8ac8614e_b.jpg" width="500" />
WOW. And people say SUVs are big!
I have a near mint 73 squire with the rare 460,where should i try (ebay not doing well)