The Saddest Craigslist Ad You May Ever See

Robert Emslie

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America used to be an industrial nation- a place where blue collar workers could make a decent living even without a formal education. These days, our economic engine is driven more by ATM fees and text message overcharging than value-add manufacturing, and it’s a much harsher world for those lacking the tools to compete that an education provides. That’s why this poorly written screed from a 69-year old individual, seeking to trade his Pontiac Grand Prix for a place to live, seems so sorrowful. That being said, it’s also one of the strangest ads I’ve ever seen as the Grand Prix in question has also been lightly modified by the owner for ‘better fuel economy,’ and sports what looks like a handicapped license plate. Check out the entire ad after the jump.

Thanks to Derek Horner for the tip.

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Robert Emslie

Robert Emslie

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  1. Hörñéy Avatar
    Hörñéy

    Well, if he lived in Detroit, he could potentially come out on top with that trade (although maybe not in the friendliest of areas).

    Reply
    1. acarr260 Avatar
      acarr260

      If this was in Detroit, the ad would be asking to trade the car for an entire neighborhood.

      Reply
  2. Matt Avatar
    Matt

    At Most The Car Is Worth $10,000. Even Though I Feel Sorry For Him, What Sort Of House Is He Going To Buy With $10k?
    How Does Anyone Manage To Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Sentence?

    Reply
    1. Matt Avatar
      Matt

      Word, I Mean…

      Reply
  3. Maymar Avatar
    Maymar

    I'll trade him one paper clip, I hear that's of equal worth to a house.
    Seriously though, I'm sure he could at least find someone looking to get rid of their RV – it's not much, but it's shelter.

    Reply
  4. P161911 Avatar
    P161911

    This ad does the same thing every Craigslist ad does for a 4-door car. It shows a picture of a pristine rear seat, not the worn out front driver's seat.
    I wonder if this guy is using some sort of bad speech to text program or something to end up with a mess like this.

    Reply
  5. Rust-MyEnemy Avatar
    Rust-MyEnemy

    I almost want to give this chap a hug, he obviously took great pains while compiling this ad. I like his quaint habits of omitting the spaces between sentences, and capitalising everything just to be on the safe side. I just know that somewhere along the line he's been mugged by Autozone or Pep Boys into buying every performance upgrade they could mention for "fuel economy" reasons.
    I also love his emphasis on "front and rear reading lights" and the AM function of his upgraded stereo.
    I sincerely wish him good luck and bid him my very best wishes.

    Reply
  6. engineerd Avatar
    engineerd

    One of the reasons the credit market froze up a few years ago was because securities were tied to real estate. Mortgage packages would be bought and sold, and used to back other packages of securities until there was this huge web of collateralized debt obligations that nobody really knew stood behind them. This was all well and good when real estate was going up. Once the real estate market began to soften, as it needed to since it had risen much faster than inflation and was on an unsustainable trajectory, people panicked. They realized they did not know the value of the underlying assets backing the CDOs in their cold, clammy hands.
    This seems like it would offer the opposite problem. Now the value of a house is going to be tied to how many Pontiac Grand Prix it is worth. Since Pontiac is now an orphan car company, we all better hope the collector market for '90s and '00s Pontiacs picks up in a hurry.

    Reply
  7. omg_grip Avatar
    omg_grip

    Maybe he thinks its still worth close to $30k, since the desireable upgrades (which make subcompact car-like fuel economy a REALITY!) most certainly balance out the 35k on the clock. I can't fault that logic.
    Poor guy. He failed to mention the Lund Hood Scoops, a key component to achieving the maximum return on your automotive investment.

    Reply
    1. P161911 Avatar
      P161911

      Lund Hood Scoops! I used to work for Lund/AVS. I know the engineer that worked on the tooling for those scoops. The sad thing is most of the engineers there wouldn't be caught dead with anything like that on their vehicles.
      Those scoops are probably good for a 1-2mpg DECREASE in gas milage due to the extra drag. At least he painted them to match the car.

      Reply
  8. Age_of_Aerostar Avatar
    Age_of_Aerostar

    I'd be more sympathetic of the ad if I didn't think it was full of BS. (and other things that I don't know even what they are)
    Don't know:
    C/C:
    T/S:
    P/M: Power Mirrors?
    P/S: Power Steering and Power Drivers Seat are listed separately
    B.S.:
    "back" airbags ??
    "white" leather? We call that tan (or beige if you will) 'round these parts
    I won't go into grammer or spelling, it is Craig's List afterall.

    Reply
    1. acarr260 Avatar
      acarr260

      C/C = Cruise Control
      T/S = Tilt Steering
      P/M = Power Mirrors
      P/S = Power Steering
      These are all pretty normal in car ads in the US… Auto & RV even has a section that explains it.

      Reply
      1. engineerd Avatar
        engineerd

        You're right, except he listed P/S then said Power Steering a few phrases later.
        I'm not worried about what P/S might mean to him. I'm worried that the ABS is in a constant state of breaking.

        Reply
        1. muthalovin Avatar
          muthalovin

          Yo, its got ABS Breaks!
          That is totally going on my next craigslist ad.

          Reply
  9. FreeMan Avatar
    FreeMan

    These days, our economic engine is driven more by ATM fees and text message overcharging than value-added manufacturing
    A truer statement has not been made in the last 5 years

    Reply
  10. Alan Avatar
    Alan

    What The Fuck.

    Reply