We’ve all had our low points, am I right? I mean, no good intention ever goes unpunished, or so I have been led to believe. When it comes to car makers, even the most venerated have had their fair share of turkeys flapping away amongst the eagles.
What we’re interested in today is the turkey-est cars to come from the most venerable of car makers. What, in your mind, is the worst thing that a great car maker has ever knowingly released?
Image: CarStyleCritic
Hooniverse Asks: What High-End Brand has at One Time Sunk the Lowest?
By Robert Emslie
Sep 24, 2015
Jeff Glucker
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LT9-We4UD9k/Th4bbWZy3nI/AAAAAAAAA4U/iMU3hNEMX5I/s1600/IMG_1272.jpg
In a lot of ways, this was peak-stupid for M-B.
Sure the Maserati TC was a worse idea, but to build a 2-door, small-engined, noisy hatchback and slap a silver arrow on it was just nonsense.
No one was looking for a sub-$25k Mercedes that was smaller in seating space than a Ford Focus hatch.
In fairness, in other parts of the world, Mercedes-Benz isn’t exclusively high-end. They offer entry-level and utilitarian vehicles alongside their luxury offerings. Their attempts to move down market in the US have been a mixed bag. The 190E was a success. The C230 hatch was a miss. The CLA seems to be selling like hotcakes.
I agree that this is largely a US perception thing.
They’re entry-level car efforts are like Microsoft Windows, good every other generation.
I wish I could order an E-class with cloth seats, a little turbo4, and a manual transmission. Taxi-spec, that is.
Finnish taxi-spec would be an automatic E200 or 220CDI with leather and all the doodads. An average taxi is better equipped than the average private or company car. They are also generally replaced every 2-3 years, whereas the average age of all cars on the road is nearly 12 years.
I thought Mercedes as well, but I think the original A-Class from the late 1990s was the worst. Remember the ‘moose test’ rollover fiasco? Plus it looks heinous….
[As a side note, esteemed Wikipedia says ‘elk test’, but I distinctly remember magazines at the time using the phase ‘mooose test’. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercedes-Benz_A-Class ]
Elk are squishables, it was a Moose test.
A European elk is a North American moose (Alces alces). A North American elk is a European red deer (Cervus elaphus).
Possibly the only example of the US version being smaller…
It may be a fine automobile, but even they admit this was not a good move
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/35/Jaguar_X-TYPE.jpg
Agreed. As a Jaguar, it was a pretty good Ford. The X-type was Jaguar’s Cimarron.
If the X-Type was Jag’s Cimarron, then the S-Type was Jag’s Catera.
And the XF the CTS… If the shoe fits.
However, I thought the X-type, despite whatever failings it has as a car, looked better with its mini-XJ styling than the self-consciously retro S-type.
The 1956 Continental, driven by the likes of Sinatra and Liz Taylor, commanding about double the price of its competitor Caddy:
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9f/1956_Continental_Mark_II_-_midnight_blue_-_fvr.jpg
The 1996 Continental, driven (into things) by the likes of your Great Aunt Lucille, commanding steep discounts on leftover dealer stock from the previous year:
http://www.autodetective.com/_upload/photos/lincoln/continental/1996/52654.jpg
When they put the 3.8 in the 8th gen Continental, well, that was the last straw for the nameplate for me.
I suppose the 8th really was the low point, but I liked the symmetry of 56/96.
The Continental went back to V8-only in 1995, getting the 32v Mod motor in it’s only-ever transverse application. Stupid powerful for a FWD, and probably a maintenance nightmare, but it made the right sounds, at least.
One of the last “Collector’s Edition” Lincoln Continental, a 2002 model imported in 2011, was just sold in Norway. What do you think it would have been worth in the US? Advertised as a true collector’s car for 28800$, all taxes included:
http://finncdn.no/mmo/2015/9/vertical-3/17/9/644/856/29_205930638_xl.jpg
Still better than:
http://www.autonews.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/storyimage/CA/20071119/ANA09/711190336/AR/0/AR-711190336.jpg
http://www.autonews.com/article/20071119/ANA09/711190336/lincoln-benches-magic-goes-hip-hop?CSAuthResp=1%3A2273586685265987%3A423310%3A17%3A24%3Aapproved%3A5648BE76C031C9E22CF30761256929C1&=
It took some work for Porsche… 914? Cayenne? Boxster? 924? Maybe?
I submit:
From 993…
http://www.aliallage.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/993_RS38.jpg
to 996…
http://biser3a.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Porsche-996.jpg
Whoever signed off on the decision for the 911 to ape the looks of its little brother must’ve been suffering to world’s worst hangover.
I never could understand the appeal of the broken-egg headlights.
What gets me is that this was the first design to mess with the greenhouse. The highest point on the 993 and older cars was above the windshield. The 996 profile makes it look fat and meh.
Worst Bentley Ever.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f3/VW_Phaton_%282._Facelift%29_%E2%80%93_Frontansicht%2C_7._Mai_2011%2C_D%C3%BCsseldorf.jpg/1920px-VW_Phaton_%282._Facelift%29_%E2%80%93_Frontansicht%2C_7._Mai_2011%2C_D%C3%BCsseldorf.jpg
But best Passat ever.
Which Bentley is Best Bentley?
The rest.
As someone that loves BMW…
The fact that you can get this with an M Sport package just makes me cringe. I think it’s about as low as you can go with making your top performance brand a joke. I’ve driven real Ms in their natural habitat and laugh at the thought of this MPV having anything M on it. The 2 Series AT serves a purpose, but come on…. it’s like sheep in wolves clothing.
http://s3.caradvice.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/BMW-2-Series-Active-Tourer-M-Sport-16.jpg
The only option at that point is to go bat shit insane with it.
http://wordpress.carthrottle.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/R63.jpg
But but…6.2 litre AMG AWD minivan ?
http://www.sanjeev.net/printads/b/bmw-thats-why-we-dont-have-front-wheel-drives-364.jpg
You know, until we decide to start making front wheel drives…
It’s easy to laugh it off and I’m inclined to call it the end of BMW cool. But…to play devil’s advocate: I’m in a situation where I need seven seats, can’t afford an XC90 (not even close), and won’t get a 264 TE through the house council. So I ended up in a Honda Stream. Despite it’s dismal 1.7l engine and the tightest seven seats you can imagine this site of an Indian moped, it’s a great compromise. It has fantastic steering. The gearing is tight and precise. The car takes corners with astonishing gusto and declines to slip until physics rolls its eyes. So I see that there might be a market for this. With the price of a new M2 I can’t fathom why anyone wouldn’t think like pj134 and go used, but that’s a whole other story. Not mine, but in Asia, people are not ashamed to…eh…misuse minivans:
http://www.mzspeed.co.jp/ZEUS2002_2/images/01-1_STREAM02.jpg
Good point. Like I said I certainly see the purpose an MPV has, but my point is this: does BMW really need to make theirs an M Sport? That includes the sport seating, steering wheel, aero kit, wheels, and M badges galore. I feel like a simple sport model would suffice for those that want practicality and a nice driving car.
It’s about as low as M can get I think because it’s not even any faster, it just looks that way. They can make a cool sporty MPV without having to involve a brand that once made this:
Is Richard Scroggs in the house?
Yeah, I get that. But isn’t that just the disrespect marketing folks have for established quality? Like Volvo’s “R” devolving into some stitching and plastic letters? When they first make a top-of-the-line sport version, it’s just so easy to use what is recognisable.
http://cdn.bmwblog.com/wp-content/uploads/new-bmw-x4-images-38.jpg
Might I remind you the entire X* line of BMW exists, and has existed for over a decade?
Actually you needed to.
*Drinks to forget again*
The X6 was a huge low point for me, but then the 5 Series GT came, then the X4, and now the 2 AT M Sport.
Just when you think ‘My God, well at least it can’t get any worse’, BMW manages to make it so.
The labourous German method probably involves a couple of focus group heart attacks as quality measures.
And then: http://o.aolcdn.com/dims-global/dims3/GLOB/legacy_thumbnail/750×422/quality/95/http://www.blogcdn.com/slideshows/images/slides/219/021/6/S2190216/slug/l/2015-bmw-x3-001-1.jpg
…it might not even pass emissions either… http://www.autoblog.com/2015/09/24/bmw-x3-diesel-emissions-probe-report/ (is there an M version of the X3 diesel yet? Or did I identify a niche they haven’t filled yet? “Oh BMW….”)
http://images.cdn.autocar.co.uk/sites/autocar.co.uk/files/styles/gallery_slide/public/aston_martin_cygnet_012.JPG?itok=LQsdLqOG
Releasing a four-cylinder, front-drive supermini would have been one thing. Releasing a rebadged version of someone else’s? That’s The Onion worthy.
It was an attempt to reduce average emissions of the range under EU rules or something by selling city cars an “accessory” with your Vantage like the branded luggage. To be honest, when I put it like that, it doesn’t sound any less daft.
I hated this car for the reasons you brought up. Who buys a rebadged Toyota city car as an accessory to a real Aston Martin? It might have gotten more traction if they at least made it not look like a Toyota iQ.
Fortunately, Aston’s next attempt to reduce emissions should be a bit better… most likely whatever the DBX is by the time it hits production.
What they should have done instead:
http://www.wired.com/images_blogs/autopia/2011/02/george-barris-any-car.jpg
Release electric version to avoid pollution.
Packardbaker
A Ford Granada had a nasty collision with a JC Whitney catalog and ended up as the most pathetic Lincoln ever.
These cars have one redeeming quality. Some had four wheel disc brakes. You could pull the rear end from a junker and bolt it into an early Mustang with little difficulty. Then again, these rear ends were very hard, nearly impossible, to find.
and a stitched leather dash. Who thought of that?
Yes, that was really egregious. The Ford Granada was supposed to evoke the contemporary Mercedes look, the Mercury Monarch was a tarted-up Granada, and then the Versailles tarted the Monarch up to 11. I love your J.C. Whitney reference, which brings to mind those Rolls-Royce grilles people once put on their VW Bugs.
Car and Driver had the best line about this car; “Ford aims for Europe, hits Kokomo.”
I’m going with something recent:
Did someone at Mercedes have a secret passion for the DCX-era Dodge Caliber, enough so to hang onto the drawings and recreate that shape as an M-B a decade later?
And how the hell is a tall 5-door a “coupe”?
http://assets.mbusa.com/vcm/MB/DigitalAssets/Vehicles/ClassLanding/2016/GLE/Coupe/Overview/2016-GLE-CLASS-SUV-CH01-T.jpg
http://www.blogcdn.com/www.autoblog.com/media/2011/08/05-2011-dodge-caliber-heat-review.jpg
When they think they have to ‘benchmark’ the opposition in everything they produce.
The end of the end for once proud Lancia, Saab, Rover.
I’d love to troll Scandinavia in GM-logic.
The 9-7x might not have been a real Saab, but it was the best of the GMT360 siblings, and I want one for that reason.
As a Saab, it’s an excellent Chevy.
The Saab 9-7x Aero might be a lot of things, but boring certainly wasn’t one of them. I mean, Saab at least kept a little weird right to the end.
I’ve almost convinced myself that I could settle for the 5.3i, but I’m still holding out hope to find an Aero. I missed an opportunity on one recently. Actually 2. I was bidding on one on ebay, and because of that didn’t want to contact the craigslist seller yet. The ebay one sold outside of ebay, and my bid was cancelled. When I reloaded the craigslist ad that I had open for the past week, the listing had expired. I keep hoping that means that it didn’t sell, and the seller will relist it, but it’s been a week and a half since the ad ended. I wish I had written down the contact info.
Screenshots, always make screenshots. I have a folder containing among other a pristine Volvo 145 Ekspress a couple of years ago. One day I’ll find it again.
Agreed, the Trollblazer doesn’t belong in this list.
The Streetwise isn’t the nadir of Rover, this is:
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/cb/2004.rover.cityrover.style.arp.jpg
Agreed. Damn.
I dunno. The Streetwise preceded,(and predicted?) everyone else’s ‘crossovers’ by years.
2010 Cross Polo
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/27/VW_CrossPolo_front_20080828.jpg/800px-VW_CrossPolo_front_20080828.jpg
I’ll just leave this here.
http://file.kelleybluebookimages.com/kbb/vehicleimage/housenew/480×360/2001/2001-pontiac-aztek-frontside_pvazt015.jpg
That’s a crossover alright, but not based on a small euromini, unaltered apart from raised suspension and some black cladding. It’s even available with AWD. 🙂
Sure?
https://d37nk263jfz2p8.cloudfront.net/image/1/700/0/uploads/posts/2015/05/vw-golf-2-country-242067295905-5550db64cb47d.jpg
VW just realised the public doesn’t want the “real” thing. Add some plastic cladding and you’re good.
Weeeelll…Rover realised the public didn’t want the real thing earlier.
http://petrolblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/matra-simca-rancho.jpg
As much as I am fond of French microcars and as much as I am fond of three-wheelers, I have to question the propriety of grafting a Bugatti grille onto the 1959 OTI just because it was built at the legendary Molsheim factory:
http://www.3wheelers.com/bugatti3.jpg
I suppose it could have been worse. At least it’s not a gussied-up Volkswagen….
Talbot – from this
http://img.mota.ru/upload/wallpapers/2012/06/06/11/01/31047/mota_ru_2060602-1920×1080.jpg
to this
http://www.classicandperformancecar.com/uploads/cms_article/4201_4300/1978-1985-talbot-horizon-4267_9706_969X727.jpg
How can you resist the majesty of the Talbot Tagora, seen here in what looks like a really poorly planned airport expansion:
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/it0k4g5hkekcvqbgisnk.jpg
Can’t unsee the Hyundai Stelkar now.
The cherry on top is the uneven track width.
Packard started as one of America’s finest but eventually turned into a Studebaker styled to look like a depressed fish.
http://www.conceptcarz.com/images/Packard/58_Packard-2-Door-DV-11-CbS_011.jpg
Seriously? This is the car that everyone that works within Cadillac would love to forget…
I read somewhere that there is actually a framed photo of the Cimarron in the Cadillac offices, to function as a warning from history.
That would be brilliant. They should buy one and restore it. Then park it next to a 1985 BMW 3 Series, the car that was supposed to be its competition, with a plaque that reads “Thanks to the Cimarron, we finally pulled our heads out of our asses!”
Aren’t they still pulling?
I’m not familiar enough with the products of British Leyland in the 70ies, but there must be a letdown.
Also, I was to say Alfasud: clever engine but rusted in the ad already, but that’s kind of expected from anything Alfa, I guess.
The Alfasud was by all reports fun to drive even if it was water-soluble. If there is anything that Alfa Romeo should be ashamed of, it’s the Nissan Cherry-derived ARNA.
Wheeler Dealers restored one this season! Made me want one!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C9qYv-Fqnk
‘CAR’ magazine, back when it was the best car magazine in the world declared the Alfasud to be ‘The Car Of The Decade’ for the 1970s ahead of the Citroen GS, largely on the strength of the Alfasud’s handling prowess. (I always thought the Citroen was the better choice)
Global decade? That’s an interesting choice for nr 1 and 2…
What other car would you choose to be the best car of the seventies? Remember it had to be affordable and well engineered and good to drive with good on road, (not just racetrack) handling. American and Japanese cars were still too crude and rear suspensions were trailing arm, swing axle or live axle on rear drive cars. Affordability rules out the Citroen SM and Mercedes Benz, and BMWs went off the road backwards too soon to rust. Nothing else came close.
Oh, this wasn’t meant as Alfasud-bashing (they suffered similar problems like BL), but plain old armchair-based Alfa-bashing.
Wait, I thought all of British Leyland in the 70s was the letdown.
Yes, I thought so at first, too, but for a proper letdown, expectations must be of a certain height.
(A bit snarky, apologies – I certainly do believe that there were people (both engineers and workers) trying to do a good job, but the political and social climate were not the best for such endeavors.)
The newest….
http://image.motortrend.com/f/wot/everything_we_know_about_the_volkswagen_emissions_scandal/146474741/2013-volkswagen-passat-tdi-engine2.jpg
Cadillac, no question! Starting with the ‘Diesel Debacle’ in the late 70s, then V8-6-4 followed by the HT4100 V8. Then there was the ’82 Cimarron, ’86 Eldorado/Seville, ’87 Allante….for almost a decade, it was a joke!