By Robert Emslie
Welcome to Craigslist Crapshoot, our weekly search for the most bizarre, awesome, and/or terrible vehicles that the online classifieds has to offer.
Do you always dress for success? How’s that working out for you? Last week I asked you to look for ads for vehicles that you think should have been more successful, and you had some great success finding cars that met your mettle. We’ll talk about some of those in a sec, but first this week’s quest.
For a long time Courtney Love was a mess. So was Lindsay Lohan. Somehow each of them has been able to take a step back from the brink and stave off self destruction for the moment. A lot of cars end up in similar fashion, and it takes a special someone to bring them back. This week we’re looking for cars for which that savior might not exist. We want the best – and worst – of lost causes, cars for sale that are so obviously so far gone that each’s ad is more likely an obituary than an offer for sale.
As always, we want your finds to go down in infamy and not in the site’s spam filter. Since we’ve changed commenting systems, you may need to update your commenter account. Make sure you have a Disqus account – they’re free and easy to get – and then comment away.
Normally I pick an ad that I think best represents the quest, or is in my opinion its most audacious example. This week however, seeing as the quest was to find cars and trucks that you thought should have been more successful, I’m not going to single anyone out. You’re all winners for offering up suggestions and rationales for their inclusion.
Since we usually feature a picture here every week, and there isn’t one that I can pick, here’s a raccoon driving an alligator. Thanks, everybody!
Image: Imgur
Jeff Glucker
This was a tough one, as I can find a redeeming factor in almost any vehicle, but this one — a discounted version of a very hated vehicle — shouldn’t have existed in the first place.
The Plymouth Breeze. The only one I’ve known a friend to own died in a fire on Interstate 16 while trying to carry its owner to Savannah.
http://kansascity.craigslist.org/cto/5074001708.html
The family friend owned one. She loved it, but that just proved that she didn’t know better.
This looks like a real Saab story and I don’t think there will be a happy ending
http://images.craigslist.org/01212_envFWRPZl0k_600x450.jpg
http://bemidji.craigslist.org/cto/5078796535.html
It’s Saab (so Saab), so Saab (so Saab), It’s a Saab Saab situation..
Claims to only need a timing belt, but if it was an interference engine (no idea and don’t care enough to google it), we all know what that means.
Bonus: The most interesting (and strangely accurate) spelling of “Chrysler PT Cruiser” I’ve ever seen.
http://kansascity.craigslist.org/cto/5063368355.html
I thought “time chain” is what suspends the weights on a Swiss cuckoo clock? That was an extremely rare option in the Pity Cruiser.
https://myswiess.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/cuckoo-1.jpg
This Grand Cherokee claims to have the rare manual transmission option, so it might be worth picking up for the parts related to that to sell them or use in your ZJ man-trans swap, but otherwise it’s pretty far gone for almost any purpose that isn’t “hunting beater” with its rear end hacked off and dead engine. You can get a runner without the hatch delete mod for less than it would cost to get this one drivable, though.
http://kansascity.craigslist.org/cto/5024277419.html
Mercedes ML320. Who knows how many miles, so while it drives it may not for long. 4 ABS sensors will set you back $200+, window switches are another $300+ assuming it doesn’t have the folding mirros (then you’re looking at $600+). A respray will be a couple grand.
So, for a total investment of under $4000 you can have a Mercedes…for who knows how long.
http://detroit.craigslist.org/mcb/cto/5078787018.html
My mom had a 1st gen ML for a while (she got it used). It got traded in when the rear hatch stopped opening and the repair bill was going to be north of $1000 just to get it to open. Luckily the dealer never even checked the rear hatch when they traded it in.
My mom had /two/. She didn’t learn her lesson with the first one, whose driveshaft broke while driving on the expressway. She got both of them to like 180k miles somehow though.
She traded the ML in on a 1st gen Cadillac SRX. They let the suspension go so bad by the time it got traded in, it was probably going to be exported to a 3rd World country. She finally got a 2011 or so Toyota Highlander.
http://images.craigslist.org/00W0W_kF3ZdYOer2v_600x450.jpg
If this Super Beetle dies, it’s because of YOU!
http://seattle.craigslist.org/sno/cto/5074448020.html
I’m curious about “brand new five spoke wheels and tires $1,200” in the ad. Is that included in the $2500 purchase price of the Beetle? What he paid for them? Is selling separately? So many questions.
I’ve seen Beetles in much worse condition become roadworthy again. This thing just needs some fenders, a good buffin’, a kick in the motor and it’s good as new! Even has that coveted patina look already installed by the previous owners!
While being an old project car in New Orleans (No, I don’t know why it was listed on the Los Angeles CL, either…) isn’t quite an automatic red flag, the amount of flora flourishing in and around this poor more-door Merc certainly is.
http://images.craigslist.org/00y0y_hw3sJwPzhPZ_600x450.jpg
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/cto/5031940619.html
Red-neck seller thought “LA” meant Louisiana.
Poor Mordor
http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/999thepoint.com/files/2013/01/mordor.png
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/10207471.jpg
“Get that junk outta the backyard, Boudreau!”
http://images.craigslist.org/00W0W_FxDKOdpvtQ_600x450.jpg
1996 Honda Accord EX – $995 (Berlin, NJ)
So that’s all well and good, but the online price is $2000 lower than the price on the windshield. So it’s 67% off asking price.
http://cnj.craigslist.org/ctd/5078741911.html
http://images.craigslist.org/00707_bb2AH2LB3Yi_600x450.jpg
I really like this listing.
94 Toyota Corolla – $500 (Somerset)
My car just suddenly stopped running and I don’t know what it is. I’m not a mechanic. All I know is that it doesn’t startup. It has 158K miles. So I’m willing to let it go for $500. OBO. You’ll need to get it towed. I’m in process of finding the title, for now assume NO title.
If seriously interested, your email MUST include your local phone number or else I delete it. To many spammers on CL.
Thank you.
http://cnj.craigslist.org/cto/5078742823.html
Tell you honestly, that’s a bargain for something that is probably a bad alternator.
My wife has the same model with over 250,000 kilometres on it. They’re unkillable. She just gets it serviced every September whether it needs it or not and it just keeps going and going.
“rusty chassis rear driver trailing arm pick up has pulled from the chassis”
I think even “fabricator special” is a bit optimistic.
http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NjAwWDgwMA==/z/QUkAAOSwBLlVfM0Y/$_27.JPG
http://www.kijiji.ca/v-classic-cars/edmonton/1981-toyota-celica-st-fabricator-special/1079913567?enableSearchNavigationFlag=true
Don’t you love upside down pictures?
I think the car is in Australia.
Things aren’t upside down in Australia. It just looks that way from the northern hemisphere. 😀
http://www.maps-international.com/readonly/products_images/1000629868_1.JPG
It hurts to see a red A40 coupe like this. Mine wasn’t that bad underneath…
Those fabricators must make a mint flipping hopeless wrecks.
“Just needs some wiring done, and panels inside put back together.”
Ummm…. Your words do not match your pictures…
http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NDQ5WDgwMA==/z/6HYAAOSwEeFVOUXK/$_27.JPG
http://www.kijiji.ca/v-classic-cars/st-albert/1982-dodge-rampage/1066848023?enableSearchNavigationFlag=true
I like Rampages, but the condition and automatic makes even $500 too much.
I think when he said, “…panels inside…”, he meant when it was parked in the garage.
http://cnj.craigslist.org/cto/5037290357.html
cheap Oldsmobile regency – $350 (Milltown)
http://images.craigslist.org/00i0i_8UM3sKPAkRN_600x450.jpg
Got a 96 buick regency has 200k car runs and drives good shifts fine 3.8 v6 intake gaskets were done….right rear window does not work and bairly has any brakes blown lines right after ABS unit so the car will need brake lines done to be driven also has check engine light on don’t no why….good a to b reliable car..any questions call or text phone # in contact info NEED OUT will trade for quad or dirtbike
Yep, just needs new brake lines. Also, this one lists it in “Fair” condition, but there is a tire in the passenger seat.
http://images.craigslist.org/00909_9X0RiL2VI6s_600x450.jpg
Those plastic fenders are awesome.
That’s “Dent resistant” to you.
If you like mildew and Chevy Laguna S-3s, I have a deal for you.
http://images.craigslist.org/00r0r_kEl5tR8eF6R_600x450.jpg
The price is a little too optimistic at $1650, without an engine. Not sure if any of the parts are even salvageable. I don’t think there is a huge market for mid-1970s “muscle” cars even.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AcHcD2ukoxI/TUMKkZOQk1I/AAAAAAAAAhA/Rd7Eo2jjiR0/s1600/funny-pictures-bunny-is-sad.jpg
The misplaced optimism evidenced by the hole in the hood tells a sad tale. Sadder than the hedge trimmer resting on the hood, no doubt needed to obtain an unobstructed picture of most of the car.
We may have a winner.
2002 Daewoo Leganza with 175k miles. Good luck keeping it running.
http://images.craigslist.org/00S0S_d063mb2zrNI_600x450.jpg
http://atlanta.craigslist.org/atl/cto/5058919719.html
Why would you want to?
RARE Barn Finds! 2x AllState Sears Puch Low Mileage 1960s Motorcycles – $1750 (east of Kansas city)
http://kansascity.craigslist.org/mcy/5027812521.html
http://images.craigslist.org/00Q0Q_hMfl4w9D0vR_600x450.jpg
You need those.
Those are the Puch Twingles I was telling you about. Color me disappointed. And, no, I definitely don’t.
No, sorry, but clearly Alff is correct.
I think you owe it to posterity to acquire them and use them to educate the world about the Twingle’s unique architecture.
Twingles were split-single two-strokes. They had one crank pin, one combustion chamber, but two pistons in two bores. This arrangement allowed asymmetrical transfer port timing in the era before rotary valves. They’re weird and obsolete.
There, done. No need to buy them.
http://home.sprynet.com/~inniss/searsmtr.jpg
Isn’t that description just an admission that Alff is correct?
“They’re weird and obsolete.” So what are you waiting for?
http://tanshanomi.com/temp/go-sell-jack.jpg
You have no idea what a classic car is do you?
No, really, we are.
http://hooniverse.info/2015/05/11/project-car-sotu-bultakenstein-the-honda-cl125s-2/
This one makes me sad.
’59 Triumph Herald for $400. There’s just not enough of it left to justify the effort.
http://images.craigslist.org/00D0D_jHPDS4gU7UR_600x450.jpg
http://detroit.craigslist.org/okl/cto/5075723155.html
This is a horrible challenge – all I can find is stuff I want to buy.
This one is extremely compelling….
http://images.craigslist.org/00505_fuhLtZpx8xv_600x450.jpg
http://kansascity.craigslist.org/cto/5056674677.html
In hindsight I could have done much worse on CC’s Now I Must Buy It Roulette.
There’s still time, though.
Ahem. You need that.
I do. Can I keep it at your place?
Rat rod; noun; English; CraigsListian colloquialism for a hopeless wreck; see also: POS; It’s-me-or-the-car; restoration candidate; mechanic’s special
Rat rod is only the seller’s suggestion. I look at that and see something different and nicer.
And more expensive.
Probably, but how cool would that be with a modern 4 cylinder turbocharged or supercharged engine and manual transmission? Clean bodywork, fresh paint, wires or Panasports, front bumper delete and a nice little chrome roof rack – this would be a head-turning flower delivery vehicle.
A fine vision indeed (though I’d keep the bumper).
http://ventura.craigslist.org/cto/5078191117.html
Lost cause new, lost cause used.
I think this fits the criteria…
http://images.craigslist.org/00a0a_gPnWkwJtba4_600x450.jpg
http://houston.craigslist.org/cto/5063822764.html
When car guys are sent to Purgatory, their penance is paid restoring one of these
http://images.craigslist.org/00t0t_NWDl0UbzUS_600x450.jpg
http://houston.craigslist.org/cto/5078790336.html
That looks like a LeMons candidate
I owned one… Parts are very pricey, I wouldn’t recommend it
A car that will cost about 10 times the purchase price to keep running and be worth twice what you paid for it.
http://images.craigslist.org/00N0N_b6H46vZe2Jd_600x450.jpg
http://atlanta.craigslist.org/nat/cto/5077510193.html
Hey, it does run great without a fuel pump, that’s quite something.
Yeah, but sure liked mine.
http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MTIwMFgxNjAw/z/t8EAAOSwNSxVbggS/$_1.JPG
500.000km (310.000 miles), body panels held together by what looks like door hinges, yellow sticker meaning you can’t enter German city centers. There are probably a hundred better cars for 690€ within a radius of 50km.
http://suchen.mobile.de/fahrzeuge/details.html?id=210506353&sb=ml&zipcode=&zipcodeRadius=&damageUnrepaired=ALSO_DAMAGE_UNREPAIRED&adLimitation=&scopeId=C&od=down&isSearchRequest=true&climatisation=&minPrice=300&maxPrice=800&pageNumber=8&ticket=ST-3223106-uBQJRsnx5N6zjgXvM64q-mycas46-2_c01_4201
What’s the deal with not being able to enter city centers? Taxed at a lower rate if it stays out of congested areas?
Older diesels emitting too many soot particles are not allowed in city centers anymore. This applies to most diesel cars older than about 12 years and not retro-fitted with a filter. They are actually taxed much higher than petrol cars with the same displacement, too.
He says the body is complete and has no rust.
http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NjAwWDgwMA==/z/7YgAAOSwBLlVZJHi/$_27.JPG
These words, I do not think they mean what he thinks they mean.
http://www.kijiji.ca/v-classic-cars/regina/3-window-coupe-hot-rod-rat-rod-this-will-make-a-wicked-project/1075190344?enableSearchNavigationFlag=true
It’s only rust once the oxidation has gone completely through. When it’s just the surface that’s oxidized, that’s “patina.”
That patina adds so much lightness, the car is no longer subject to the law of gravity.
An NSU Prinz 4, the only one in Canada according to the ad, he was trying to convert it to run on a bike engine.
http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NTMzWDgwMA==/z/FyQAAOSw~OdVZTgt/$_27.JPG
http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NTMzWDgwMA==/z/pt4AAOSwKrhVZTgU/$_27.JPG
http://www.kijiji.ca/v-classic-cars/saskatoon/1961-nsu-prinz-4-racecar-project/1075365800?enableSearchNavigationFlag=true
My local museum has a NSU Prinz. Not a 4, but it does show that it’s not the only NSU, or even the only Prinz in Canada.
They’re pretty different though, aren’t they? First gen Prinz and Prinz 4, that is.
They do look very different, but Wikipedia makes it sound like their pretty similar underneath.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NSU_Prinz#NSU_Prinz_4
The Gremlin, in kit form! Assembly and delusion required.
https://seattle.craigslist.org/oly/cto/5030320080.html
The Gremlin, in kit form! Some assembly and much delusion required:
https://seattle.craigslist.org/oly/cto/5030320080.html
Runner up: It’s got blower wine:
https://seattle.craigslist.org/tac/cto/5042113758.html
That’s… mesmerizing…
I bet it’s a lot more appealing with a head full of acid. Or possibly terrifying.
One man’s madness…. Is going Looking For Trouble on the theory that there’s money in them there rustbuckets
https://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/cto/5075401890.html
I know this has been on CL Crapshoot before, but I mean, how bad could it be?!
http://houston.craigslist.org/cto/4989625288.html
All it needs is a left headlamp door to be 100% perfect, right?