Hooniverse Asks- Luxury Hatchbacks, Brah! or Blah?

Robert Emslie

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Okay, so I’m guessing that those of you living outside of the U.S.A. will sort of need to sit out today’s question as you seem to have embraced its subject matter in a nonplussed manner that Americans never seem to have been managed. I’m referring of course to luxury hatchbacks, a mix of body style and class that seems to have for long been a mainstay of European  makers – especially the French and British – but which has been vilified here.

It’s weird because we love luxury cars, after all they’re a primary mechanism for expressing our individual ostentation and wealth, and who doesn’t like showing off? We also go ape excrement for long roofs, so we’re obviously not adverse to utility and room. But slope that back and slap on a fancy badge and we’ll pretty much have nothing to do with them. Our automotive history is littered with attempts to overcome this animus, all failures.

The thing of it is, most of those who haunt this and other automotive sites tend to. . .  well, love them. Sterling 827s, Citroën XMs with their wonderfully weird second backlight, or the Audi A6 Avant, there’s so much want there. But others, like BMW’s X6 or 5-series GT have failed in the U.S. market, proving that the recipe for success is elusive. What do you think about big luxurious hatchbacks, is their unique mix of form, function, and air-con seats an unappreciated melange? Or, are hatches just for the masses? What do you think about luxury hatches, are they Brah! or Blah?  

Image source: BMW

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Robert Emslie

Robert Emslie

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25 responses to “Hooniverse Asks- Luxury Hatchbacks, Brah! or Blah?”

  1. dukeisduke Avatar
    dukeisduke

    More like "Ugh."

    Reply
  2. wunno sev Avatar
    wunno sev

    mixed bag. the Audi A7 looks great, as does the Model S. the Infiniti EX35, well, i can see why you'd want one if you were someone else. but the X6 and 5-Series GT…ugh.
    i'd argue that that's probably more to do with BMW than with the body style, but the Accord Crosstour is similarly awful.

    Reply
  3. Hopman Avatar
    Hopman

    I'll leave them.
    Meanwhile, my '07 Focus ZX5 has all the goodies of those bloated things. Two-tome leather, factory body kit, multi-disk CD player, and seats that a great on long drives! All for about 1/3 the price!

    Reply
  4. Plecostomus Avatar
    Plecostomus

    A coworker leaves his sodding X6 in my film set area while he's away in Taiwan and that car annoys the jesus out of me. It took four minutes to figure out how to operate the wonky automatic gearbox.
    And it's so ugly.

    Reply
  5. ˏ♂ˊ mzs zsm msz esq Avatar
    ˏ♂ˊ mzs zsm msz esq

    There is one I think about every day.

    Reply
  6. GAC Avatar
    GAC

    As a fan of hatchbacks, it was frustrating spending seven months in the UK working on a project. So many more options for hatchbacks. I wish BMW would sell the 1 Series hatch in the US.

    Reply
  7. dukeisduke Avatar
    dukeisduke

    As for the "four-door coupes", I like some of them. The original CLS was stunning, but that's one of those things that can't be duplicated – lightning in a bottle. I like the A7, and the Aston Martin Rapide, but the Panamera? Not so much. The X6? Hell no. Looks like a fastback armored personnel carrier.

    Reply
  8. wisc47 Avatar
    wisc47

    Really the only one I sort of like is the Audi A3. I know its just an up-market Golf but that's not such a bad thing. I also like hatches like the Golf R32 and Scooby WRX STi, however I wouldn't necessarily consider them luxury, but they're a bit more premium than a hot hatch.

    Reply
  9. JayP2112 Avatar
    JayP2112

    Depends on the design…
    Nice but shades of Dasher:
    <img src="http://www.autoviva.com/img/photos/381/audi_100_avant_large_28381.jpg&quot; width="400">
    Aero look for the traditional wagon:
    <img src="http://fourtitude.com/gallery/albums/Audi/100-200-s4%20%28C1,%20C2,%20C3%20and%20C4%29/200%20Avant%20%28C3%29%20-%20EU/001.jpg&quot; width="400">
    Then all mainstream. 🙁
    <img src="http://fourtitude.com/gallery/albums/Audi/100-200-s4%20%28C1,%20C2,%20C3%20and%20C4%29/S4%20Avant%20%28C4%29%20-%20EU/001.jpg&quot; width="400">
    Then A7:
    <img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9b/Audi_A7_Sportback_S-line_%E2%80%93_Heckansicht,_3._Juli_2011,_Essen.jpg&quot; width="400">

    Reply
  10. Alff Avatar
    Alff

    If they are carlike, yes. Too often they look like crossovers.

    Reply
  11. muthalovin Avatar
    muthalovin

    90% are Blah. It is that magical 10% that works for me. A6 Avant, totally Brah.

    Reply
  12. facelvega Avatar
    facelvega

    I drive one, it looks a lot like this:
    <img src="http://www.vandsautodismantlers.com/new_arrivals/380×285/100151_ps.jpg"&gt;
    I wouldn't trade it for a sedan for anything, and I guess I chose it over a (v70) wagon.

    Reply
  13. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    As I've said before, the X6M excites my tingly bits in bizarre and wonderful ways.
    I actually don't mind the Venza; my wife wants one and I'd be okay with that because they're nice on the inside.
    The Honda Crosstour is wonky and overpriced, but I can't say that I hate the look.

    Reply
  14. mdharrell Avatar
    mdharrell

    <img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8252/8471188718_c118d20b11.jpg&quot; width="500">
    Genuine wood trim, sunroof, power door locks, power windows (for the front doors), and a talking digital dash.
    Talking. Digital. Dash.
    Austin Maestro Vanden Plas. The finest luxury hatchback I've ever owned.
    I drove it to work today. With luck, I'll drive it home, too.

    Reply
  15. Devin Avatar
    Devin

    Hatchbacks, yes please.
    So it stands to reason that luxury hatchbacks are also yes please.
    But most of them have to go on a bit of a diet. The BMW GTs look like they've eaten all the pies, and probably drive like they've eaten all the pies given how huge they are.

    Reply
  16. MVEilenstein Avatar
    MVEilenstein

    The X6 seems to provoke some visceral reaction in me. I hate it, but I can't explain it.

    Reply
  17. Kamil_K Avatar
    Kamil_K

    Speed, power, luxury, great looks… in a hatchback?
    Yes!
    <img src="http://gomotors.net/photos/8f/b8/fso_703ea.jpg&quot; width="600">

    Reply
  18. FreeMan Avatar
    FreeMan

    I've nothing against many of the (older) 4-door hatch backs posted here. However, the Crosstour, X6, 5GT, FX*5, etc, all strike me as slightly miniaturized, SUVs that have grown curves to try to disguise their truck-like design origin – like they have the mumps or something. They do one good thing for me – help reduce appetite.

    Reply
  19. Labcoatguy Avatar
    Labcoatguy

    <img src="http://pic.armedcats.net/l/la/labcoatguy/2012/02/15/F3150667.JPG"&gt;
    Some might argue that the failure of the 9000 to set the luxury market alight drove Saab into the arms of GM. Despite this it's a damn fine vehicle, and with that long nose and short deck, it doesn't even scream FWD.

    Reply
    1. mallthus Avatar
      mallthus

      And that's an especially handsome one. Is that an Aero? It's clearly a later car. My only 9000 (and curiously my only sedan ever) was a '91 9000 CD turbo. Awesome car…after I pulled out the POS ZF slushbox and put in the manual.

      Reply
  20. Vavon Avatar
    Vavon

    Leather, everything electric, panorama roof, aircon aloy wheels and all that in a small hatchback… BRAH!
    <img src="http://lesrenaultdepapier.fr/CouverturesCatas/TwingoInitialeHol.JPG"&gt;

    Reply
    1. duurtlang_ Avatar
      duurtlang_

      And a sliding back seat, right?

      Reply
      1. Vavon Avatar
        Vavon

        Yes, for legroom like in an S-Class!

        Reply
  21. Larry Avatar
    Larry

    I'm probably in the minority, but I like the X6. But I grew up around AMC Eagles so that explains it.

    Reply
  22. mallthus Avatar
    mallthus

    Perhaps I'm unusual, but in my nearly 30 years of owning cars, I've only had one sedan and it was a hand me down from my parents because they needed my truck more than I did.
    15 cars. One sedan.
    Even now, as much as I like the handling, features, engines of a lot of cars, that the 3 or 5 door models aren't offered here mean no sale from me.

    Reply