Hooniverse Asks: It's Friday, What Would Be Some Good Car-Themed Cocktails?

car bar
Okay, first off don’t drink and drive. Don’t do it. Ever.
Now that we have that PSA out of the way, what car-themed cocktails can you come up with?
Image: The Daily Herald

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  1. engineerd Avatar
    engineerd

    Irish Car Bomb?
    On a related note, I was listening to Iron and Wine the other day and thought that sounded like it would be a pretty rad concept for a car gathering. Sort of like a “Cars and Coffee”, but on Friday nights.

    1. Hatchtopia Avatar

      New or old Iron and Wine? I *love* the older stuff, but the last couple of albums have devolved into some weird Vegas lounge act.

  2. GTXcellent Avatar
    GTXcellent

    For teetotalers and dd’s, I’m thinking they could order a Prius – nothing but watered down juice, with no high-test added.

  3. tonyola Avatar
    tonyola

    The Ferrari

    1. smalleyxb122 Avatar
      smalleyxb122

      I wanted to make a Ferrari joke by overcharging for a redheaded slut set on fire, but Jager, schnapps and cranberry juice doesn’t have enough alcohol to actually ignite.

      1. Tiberiuswise Avatar

        You might not be adding enough Everclear.

  4. Alff Avatar
    Alff

    Screwdriver. Harvey Wallbanger.

  5. BigRedCaveTroll Avatar
    BigRedCaveTroll

    I was listening to “On Point” on NPR yesterday and the second part of the show was about a “cocktail renaissance” in the U.S. It was really interesting to hear about what all went into some of the cocktails they made, but I don’t remember any of them being car-related.

    1. Batshitbox Avatar
      Batshitbox

      I read an article in The Atlantic about how the Seagram’s corporation went bust due to mis-management. This left the world with a giant stockpile of Rye Whiskey, a drink so caustic it was only ever used in blended spirits like Seagram’s 7, or mixed drinks. Suh-prize, Suh-prize, Suh-prize! All of a sudden there’s a rye whiskey revival going on! Many small batch manufacturers boosted output by mixing their rye with Seagram’s old stock. Except Bulleit, who just put their label on to straight Seagram’s stock and didn’t bother distilling anything.
      http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/09/how-rye-came-back/375061/
      Back in the ’80s the bottom fell out of the Scotch market. At that time, all Scotch was blended from single malts. This left many tiny and difficultly named distilleries with a lot of product on hand. Suh-prize, Suh-prize, Suh-prize! All of a sudden there’s a single-malt Scotch craze! (Also, the French bought them all.)
      http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2013/02/11/spirit-guide

  6. Tanshanomi Avatar

    The Mini, which is a shot of schnapps in a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale — a British-German mixture that is much larger than it should be, given the name.

  7. JayP Avatar
    JayP

    I’m not a mixed drink guy… that said my head is still ringing from a stout Bloody Mary last night.
    I found this at my new favorite watering hole last week:
    http://moparblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/72-Imperial-Chocolate-Cream-Stout.jpg

    1. SlowJoeCrow Avatar
      SlowJoeCrow

      In a similar vein an English brewery did an ale called Old Speckled Hen after a famous MG racer

      1. Batshitbox Avatar
        Batshitbox

        Really? That’s where the name came from? One of my locals keeps that on tap. Well, more than one, actually.

        1. Ted Fort Avatar
          Ted Fort

          Not actually a race car; it was their factory parts runner. It was called that because of all the paint specks on it from driving through the plan.t

    2. Maymar Avatar
      Maymar

      I picked up some of that last year, and it was suitably smooth and heavy, like a proper Imperial.

  8. Tiberiuswise Avatar

    I recently tried the new Jägermeister Spice. Think more vanilla and cinnamon, less NyQuil. It went very well with the free Monster energy drink they were giving away.

    1. pj134 Avatar
      pj134

      You’re not selling it well. I would drink nyquil if it wasn’t for the 100% chance of liver and kidney damage.

      1. dead_elvis Avatar
        dead_elvis

        Anything involving Jaeger & an energy drink is automatically disqualified from being fit for adult human consumption.

        1. pj134 Avatar
          pj134

          I don’t inherently disagree with your statement, but I also don’t agree with it. Every once in a while you’ll find your self with both of those in front of you and… well…

          MRW a hot girl is about to choose the seat next to me in the bus.

          1. dead_elvis Avatar
            dead_elvis

            Nope.

          2. pj134 Avatar
            pj134

            Oh, look at you up on your high horse. You probably wouldn’t drink just about anything* that got put in front of you, either.
            *anything does not include tequila for the good of everyone around me, vodka because I’ve never had one that didn’t taste awful or jameson after I’ve had a 5 or 6 drinks already because I’ll probably puke.

          3. dead_elvis Avatar
            dead_elvis

            Just let me enjoy my Nyquil & tequila in peace.
            http://i.imgur.com/MJoLZYX.png

  9. pj134 Avatar
    pj134

    The “it’s an easy fix” isn’t just one drink. It’s process that starts when you feel like you’re running a little rough. You think, “I know just what will take care of that!” At first you’re handed a beer that tastes quite plain. It’s only two bucks, how can you resist? The secret is the first one has some lidocaine in it to numb everything. It goes down easy and suckers you in. You exclaim the bartender “Give me some more!” The next one tastes a little different, but it hardly bothers you. The secret is, this one had a couple shots of the hearty everclear in it. You hand him a $20, he only gives you $17 back. This confuses you, but you’re still feeling great and you think “Man, I’ve only had two beers but I’m feeling loose. This is great!” You figure one more can’t hurt so you order it up. You hand him a ten but only get four back. This one’s secret is that it’s half everclear. Half way through and you are well aware of your choices. It’s strange, you never have this much energy when you reach this more sophisticated plane. That itch isn’t quite scratched though. Something still doesn’t seem right. So you dig in deeper. You hand over another 20, nothing comes back to you. You need what he’s selling though so you drink it down. This one was just 12 crystal clear ounces of everclear. 18 hours later you come to and you feel like hell. You try to sleep it off, wasting another 10 hours of your life but when you wake up it’s worse than when you started. You go to take a step and realize that there is a brand new problem. Your ankle is twice it’s normal size and black and blue. You hobble to bathroom, look in the mirror to find that you must have taken a beating in your haze. You give up and decide self medicating wasn’t the answer, it’s time to go to the doctor.

    1. Tiberiuswise Avatar

      And you’re scared of a little NyQuil?

      1. pj134 Avatar
        pj134

        I was going to say drinking straight nyquil is frowned upon, but in my experience drinking the good everclear straight is definitely frowned upon too.
        ¯_(ツ)_/¯

        1. Tiberiuswise Avatar

          We tried that in college. Once.

          1. pj134 Avatar
            pj134

            I like to revisit it every once in a while for occasions of special gravity. Like when I find myself in jersey for any amount of time.

          2. Tiberiuswise Avatar

            Easy on the Jersey bashing. Some parts are very nice. I know. I’ve been to both of them.

          3. BigRedCaveTroll Avatar
            BigRedCaveTroll

            The few times I’ve driven through New Jersey I’ve been astounded how I could be driving through one of the nastiest bits of town I’d ever been in and then suddenly be surrounded by what seemed like horse farms and really nice houses. It was weird.

          4. Tiberiuswise Avatar

            Stay out of Newark, Camden and Paterson and you’ll be ok.
            Fun fact, Elmwood Park and Woodland Park used to be East Paterson and West Paterson. They’re fooling no one!

          5. pj134 Avatar
            pj134

            You forgot Trenton. Trenton is awful too.

          6. pj134 Avatar
            pj134

            I like to describe New Jersey as a series of abandoned cities.

    2. BigRedCaveTroll Avatar
      BigRedCaveTroll

      Drinking kind of stops being fun when you wake up the next day and your checking account is significantly smaller than what it was, you feel like crap, you’ve slept most of the weekend away, your car is still parked at the bar, and you’ve got nothing to show for it, not even memories.
      Drinking a few drinks (1-4 for me depending on amount of sleep, food intake, level of hydration, etc.) is about the limit of enjoyment for me, and I generally try to do it at home or at a neighbor’s who lives within walking distance of home.

      1. pj134 Avatar
        pj134

        Yeah, I’ve learned to save my blackouts for special events and when it was just supposed to be one fucking sway bar end link.

      2. Tanshanomi Avatar

        As my wife and I got older, we both realized that sobriety and “feeling a bit sick and woozy” kept getting closer and closer together until, at some point in our 40s, we began going directly from one to the other without any enjoyable “pleasantly buzzed” state in between.

  10. smalleyxb122 Avatar
    smalleyxb122

    Some Jägermeister as oil and Midori as coolant, and you’ve got yourself the Blown Gasket shot.

    1. pj134 Avatar
      pj134

      I would definitely drink that.

  11. Batshitbox Avatar
    Batshitbox

    The Marvel Mystery Highball: I have no idea what’s in it, but I can’t stop buying them! Let’s say it has to have Campari, Pernod, Aperol or red absinthe, because no one knows what the hell is in those, either.
    The Sea Foam: This will have to be a variation on the Ramos Fizz, but with some green absinthe in it.

    1. pj134 Avatar
      pj134

      Speaking of hibiscus flavored alcohol, if you ever end up at a festive outing and you drink your way down to one bottle of hibiscus vodka that someone brought and your reserve 30 pack of genny cream, I can definitively say they mix pretty well through a funnel.

  12. pj134 Avatar
    pj134

    Just put some burnt molasses chunks in chilled absinthe and call it a tarmac cooler.

  13. pj134 Avatar
    pj134

    The wire smoke. 3 ounces of gin, 1.5 ounces of sloe gin, 1 tsp of grenadine, add tears to taste.

  14. pj134 Avatar
    pj134

    The Glucker. An exquisite selection of 30 year old single malt scotch whiskeys shown to you that you will never get to taste.

    1. pj134 Avatar
      pj134

      Alternatively, the Kaluski. A selection of moderately priced bourbons that you could get your hands on if they intrigued you enough. You won’t complain when you have it, but it’s probably not something your heart truly desires.

      1. Vairship Avatar
        Vairship

        Wouldn’t the Kaluski feature a used-Polonez-price-level Polish vodka (with grass in it), bought from a website that ends in .pl?

  15. pj134 Avatar
    pj134

    The Modern Muscle. 3 shots of 151 mixed with the sweetest cherry cola you can find. You can’t see into it. It has a straw that makes a ton of noise when you drink it. It gets you drunk quite quickly. The flavor isn’t the finest but it also isn’t offensive.

  16. mdharrell Avatar

    The “Whaddya Got That You’ve Been Trying to Get Rid Of for Cheap?” Ingredients vary by date and location. The next one is bound to be better than the last one.
    I can quit any time I want.

    1. pj134 Avatar
      pj134

      It’s like a less disgusting jersey turnpike.
      One bar by me has the mystery bucket, it’s 5 cans of whatever good beer is going to be out of season soon or they have too much of for $15. Not a bad deal.

  17. BigRedCaveTroll Avatar
    BigRedCaveTroll

    Not a cocktail but a shot: “The Wiring Harness.” You lick a nine volt and then take a shot of Everclear. No, it’s not enjoyable, just like working on a wiring harness.

  18. Geoffrey Simms Avatar
    Geoffrey Simms

    The Miata. Really it’s just a Negroni, served up, in a chilled martini glass. Looks like a chick drink (Vodka cranberry?), but it’s hella good and punchy and fun.

  19. The Real Number_Six Avatar
    The Real Number_Six

    The Bangkok Microbus:
    1 aluminum pail
    1 large bottle Maekong (SE Asia’s face-melting rum)
    1 can Red Bull
    1 straw
    several women of ill-repute
    a string of bad decisions
    Literally served from a VW Microbus. There’s no way I’m searching “Bangkok” on my work computer, but pictures exist

  20. SlowJoeCrow Avatar
    SlowJoeCrow

    Tuesday’s immediate answer is the Sidecar. and Batshitbox beat me too it so I upvoted him.

  21. CruisinTime Avatar
    CruisinTime

    Moonshine and Prune juice…
    Called Shit or go Blind.

    1. P161911 Avatar
      P161911

      Alternatively, the skidmark.

  22. Tanshanomi Avatar

    The Underbone: equal parts Turkish raki, Korean soju, and Greek mastiha.
    Nearly impossible to find in North America, as common as dirt in most of the world.
    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6jj8SnOVWlM/UJ1For-cU9I/AAAAAAAAAMs/LxkQvX05ikM/s1600/IMG_2244.JPG

  23. Maymar Avatar
    Maymar

    The General Motors – take basically any cocktail you’d find on someone’s Instagram account, that was probably prepared by someone wearing suspenders, and make it from Wal-Mart brand ingredients.

    1. Batshitbox Avatar
      Batshitbox

      Maybe the same drink served in progressively fancier glassware?