By Deartháir
There are really two ways to look at this purchase by a close friend of fellow Hoon Citroen67. The first way of looking at it is that he just purchased a rather quirky and obscure vehicle that will probably serve him very well as a support vehicle for his group of friends’ growing fleet of obscure cars. The second way of looking at it is that he just bought the greatest back-yard work-shop… in the world.
It is, of course, a Citroën “H-Van”. As I’m sure we all know. They’re just bizarre looking little creatures, but if you’ve lived in Europe, they’re probably a familiar sight. These were produced in fairly high numbers from 1947 to the early 1980s, and were a fantastically simple design. The sides are corrugated to add strength. The mechanicals are all borrowed from other Citroëns. The design is… uh… a shed.
Now say what you like about it, but it sure is ugly. And I think that’s most of its appeal. There is literally no thought given to style or design, which is such a remarkable change for a French vehicle. As we all know, the majority of French cars are high on style and innovation with perhaps not quite enough thought given to how they’re all put together. These vans seem to aggressively eschew tradition in favour of some pretty wicked functionality.
If it were mine, I’d find something appropriately small — perhaps a classic Fiat 500 or Mini Cooper, or better yet a Messerschmitt or Isetta — that could be loaded into the back of the van, so I could use it as a workshop. Then I’d take the whole thing to car shows.
That, or I’d build the coolest ever Post-Apocalyptic Taco Truck.
Here’s the story from Citroen67, in his own words:
It was a chilly, rainy morning in Michigan when we set out to pick up the beast. We left Kingston, MI at 7:00am only to be standing in Peterborough staring at the first H Van that I have ever seen in the flesh. On top of that, the fellow who sold the H Van drove there in a right hand drive Land Rover that had spent it’s previous life trailing its way through the land of Kenya. The van was actually purchased by a friend of mine who lives in NJ that makes a living restoring 2CV’s and other Citroen’s at his shop in Toms River. This H Van proved to be the easiest of the many Citroen vehicles that we have picked up in days gone by. When we were at roughly halfway through the fifth hour of driving, me and the co-pilot were speculating to what degree of douchebaggery we were about to encounter. I mean, we have seen it all! From picking up a non-running Truckette in the middle of the ghetto of Toledo, Ohio…to picking up a 2CV that was purchased from a dude who forgot to put a reserve on his eBay auction, and was forced to sell it for pennies on the dollar(he basically rolled the carcass and the parts out of his garage and shut the door with an attitude). This one, however, went off without a hitch. It was parked at a truck repair facility with a huge parking lot, which was a refreshing change from having to back a trailer between two buildings that are barely wider than the rig itself, or simply having nowhere to park at all, thereby being forced to park streetside. After no more than a half hour we were loaded up and on our way back to deal with customs. Without fail though, Lady Luck did end up throwing us a curve ball at the tail end of the trip…the H Van ended up falling through the trailer in two different spots. It didn’t really surprise me, considering that the 3500lb beast was rolling on top of six year old, untreated trailer wood. That being said…I guess I know what I’m doing this weekend.
Kamil Kaluski
Dear Citroen67,
Please do not refer to my fair city as a ghetto. Yes, we neglect to mow the lawns along the highway; yes, our former mayor proposed moving all the deaf out to the airport; yes, a son stabbed his mother because she didn't bring him a cheeseburger; yes, we hosted a neo-nazi rally that ended up a full scale riot; yes, we kicked the US Marines out of town but Toledo is a….what was I arguing?
I hate Ohio Nazis.
As opposed to those from surrounding states?
I see what you did there.
fuck yes!
The lack of style nearly makes this the best Citroen of them all. I'd take this one, freshen up the mechanicals as needed, and drive it around looking exactly like it does here. Maybe tint the windows really, really dark for extra menace.
Yes, I saw High Tension, and hated it intensely. Still, the scary H-van was cool.
High Tension.
Why did you bring it up.
I'd tucked that horror back in a corner.
Well, now I can't describe my Volvo 240 as 'having the style and functionality of an allotment shed' anymore, I suppose.
bonbons sans
[IMG ]http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b265/bytor94/Moon.jpg[/IMG]
"That's no shed; that's an automobile!"
/nerd
What a piece of junk! http://tinyurl.com/ykug422
Wow! Truly awesome! The H-Van is hands-down the ugliest car I'd love to own.
THIS would make for an awesome "Hooniverse Asks" article! "What is the ugliest car you'd love to own?" Brilliant!
Wow, how many '60s spy movies have I seen with H-Vans in the background? And how are you supposed to replace rusty corrugated sheet metal, anyway?
How about some pictures of the cab, and the cargo area? A picture of a Land Rover dash doesn't count.
my guess is go buy new sheet of corrugated metal, and bolt it on…
I will see what I can do for you. I will snap more pictures and post them to my FB page.
Does it run by any chance? Either way, I'd love to see picks of the engine bay. Never seen that particular display of French lunacy.
Just realized that those corrugated, semicircular WWII buildings are called quonset huts.
SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE!
[youtube TR3LpriSmxM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TR3LpriSmxM youtube]
Sonofabitch, it was too! Well slap my baguette and call me Francois, I didn't even know that.
Whoa! I would totally buy a hot dog from this.
Please post updates of repair/renovation/rebuilding!!
I will do what I can. Ultimately, I won't have much in the way of direct contact with the beast once it gets to Toms River, but I'm sure that I can get the owner to e-mail pics of the restoration progress which in turn I will forward to the powers that be (i.e. Mitch and/or Jeff), so that they will maybe post them on a follow up article on this evil looking machine.
Are all of these RHD? Or do that just add to the weirdness of this one?
I am the co-pilot mentioned. Only 3 RHD H-Vans were ever built. That interior shot is of the Land Rover of the guy we go the H Van from
I was wondering for a few seconds why the Citroen had a Land Rover steering wheel, and a plastic dash, and a spare tire on the hood, and green paint…
Thanks again to Dearthair and the rest of the HooniGods for their interest in this particular story! I know that this post is extremely late and may not be viewed by all who originally commented, but due to circumstances beyond my control I haven't been able to be online in a few days. I have been reduced to rely on a Mac desktop for all of my online needs while my ThinkPad is in pit row getting some repairs done. Again, thanks to all for their interest, and I hope to keep everyone updated on the progress of the van. Who knows…there has even been some talk by the new owner about selling off the beast once it has been redone, so maybe one lucky Hoon will get the opportunity to own this thing when it's all said and done!!! I will keep you all in the loop!
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1391/604520751_19c…
There's not a lot of room inside but it is a neat little vehicle.
Do you have a twitter ??? Lanchas
I was looking for dog shedding information on problems this was brilliant!