Time, once more, for the feature that Death Row inmates cite as their “#1 reason to keep livin’”. It’s R.A-S.H.

Todays featured brochure is for a car that never really rocked the establishment in this country, either the generation in this particular publication or any of those that went before it. Fortunately, though, the brochure is completely and utterly insane.

One word, two syllables. We’re playing Charades.

We should establish straight away that Daihatsu Charade of 2003 was a Charade in name only; that name being applied in the UK only to a machine sold elsewhere as the Cuore. The latter name was thought to have absolutely no worthwhile meaning on the UK market, it literally meant nothing to anybody.

They were hoping that there might be somebody out there, somewhere, for which the Charade name itself still conjured up something worthwhile. As little impact on the UK market as the Charade had achieved it had at least given rise to some interesting variants; the GSXi was the marque’s final fling with fun and before that the Turbo and GTti were famed for punching well above their weights, especially the GTti which screamed out 100hp from its tiny three-cylinder, one litre, turbo’d engine.

This time around, all was simplicity. New Charade was basically a square box with a wheel in each corner. I loved it.

“…the new Charade from Daihatsu has just thrown the window wide open. And thrown the rule book straight out of it”.

“This is a new breed of car. A car for today. A super city car that just refuses to be boxed in, or obey the old rules.”

It’s not entirely obvious what those rules actually were. The brochure speaks of a small, zippy car yet one roomy enough for the whole family. It quotes the Charade as having been “the most environmentally friendly petrol engined 4/5 seater car on the road.” and indeed the CO2 emissions were right down at 114g/km, damn low for the time.

All very earnest, very worthy. But not exactly breaking the rules. So what on earth were they talking about?

“…impressive, big car specification against its compact, small car price”.

Well, people have been milking the small car, small price, big spec formula for years. But the Charade, this time around, genuinely did have hidden depths. That bluff-fronted, squareish, largely style-free exterior managed, if you can believe it, an aerodynamic drag coefficient of just 0.31. That’s bloody impressive., even if it happened entirely by accident. That figure helped it to manage a top speed of only fractionally below a ton, despite a meagre power output of 58ps, or slightly less than my washing machine (It’s a Hotpoint, by the way. 1400rpm spin speed. Big pimpin’). All of this meant serious fuel economy.

And it wasn’t as if you suffered too much of a painful existence on board, either. The plastic finishes may not have been from the top drawer, but the list of goodies was extensive. Far from the barren environment in economy cars of yore, you got a pair of airbags, electric door mirrors, power steering, power windows, front and rear wipers, a CD player, air-conditioning and alloy wheels could be had, too. There was also a broad range of extremely fetching array of metallic colourways to choose from, peculiarly skewed in favour of pinks.

Amethyst Metallic, while not perhaps reeking of heterosexuality, is still my favourite. I don’t care. Stop sniggering.

After reading the brochure from cover to cover, I suddenly realise that the “rule book” mentioned earlier was the one that states “Thou shalt provide the masses with a car of sporting pretensions and high perceived image, that conceals its true status as a piece of low-cost, conventional, lowest common denominator engineering”.

The Charade was sold on the basis of functionality, price, performance and economy. What made things different and, in my mind, quite refreshing, is that this brochure made absolutely no mention of image.

For years and years even small “economy” cars have been sold on the basis of what people will think when they see you behind the wheel. People love being envied. The word “stylish” is used, twice, in a throwaway fashion, but there is no other nonsensical exaggeration of how great the car looks, nor how other people will swoon in admiration, nor how your social life will suddenly explode onto a whole new strata where velvet ropes will part and celebrities will stalk you. The one rule the 2003 Charade broke was the one about how to market cars.

I applaud Daihatsu for being so honest about the whole thing. They knew damn well people wouldn’t buy the Charade on the basis of desirability, so why bother trying? The sad thing is that not very many people bought one for any reason, which means there aren’t that many out there.

But hey; At Least I Own The Brochure™.

<Disclaimer:- All photos were taken by the author and are of genuine original manufacturer publicity material, on my kitchen stove just after making pancakes. All copyright rights remain in the possession of the manufacturer, who have pulled out of the UK market, after bringing us such marvels as the Charmant and Domino. Gone but not forgotten. Yet.>