By Robert Emslie
Welcome to Craigslist Crapshoot, our weekly search for the most bizarre, awesome, and/or terrible vehicles that the online classifieds has to offer.
Is $1,500 a lot of money to you? I know it is to me, but it generally won’t get you all that much that’s interesting in the used car market. Still, that’s just what we were looking for last week—your nominations on how you would spend $1,500 on a car or car part. We’ll see how we did in a sec, but first, this week’s challenge.
Okay, this week you’ve discovered that a distant relative that you’ve never actually met has passed away (our condolences, of course) and has left you the amazing sum of $10,500—ten times last week’s paltry amount. The only stipulation of the inheritance is that you need to spend it on a car or truck to start your career as an Uber driver. What do you buy?
As always, we want your finds to go down in infamy and not in the site’s spam filter. Since we’ve changed commenting systems, you may need to update your commenter account. Make sure you have a Disqus account – they’re free and easy to get – and then comment away.
Okay, so since last week’s challenge was kind of an individual vision quest for each of you I don’t want to pick out any individual selections in concern of slighting everyone else.
I do want to make note however, of the choice made by Wayne Moyer, simply because it’s one that I think we can all get behind, and that’s this 1962 Buick Skylark V8. Party on, Wayne.
Jeff Glucker
$10,500? Wait, I thought that $1,500 times 10 was $15,000. But then, I’m not a math major.
Solution: find something at both prices.
You’re not accounting for inflation AND you forgot to carry the 7.
Something with the metric dollar conversion.
Sadly, I’m unable to find a video of the SNL “Metric Day” (100-hour day) skit.
Marketing guy math
Sorry about that. I was racing last week because I was out Thursday through Sunday traveling to Central Pennsylvania and wanted to bank a bunch of stuff for you guys beforehand. As you can see, quantity outweighed quality.
Okay, let’s get the obvious choice out of the way first: here’s a 2008 black BMW 750Li with ‘interior in great conditions’ (all in caps so you know it’s true this time). A/C works ‘perfect’. Sure, the car has reached that expensive 140,000 mile mark, but with the price at $8,500 before bargaining, you have $2,000 to fix whatever German-engineered surprises it holds.
So what’s not to like ? Long wheelbase 750i in Uber Black – shower and shave every time you wash the car, and you’ll be rolling in the dough.
https://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/cto/5586033404.html
And it’s in Gar-land – Land of the Gar, and Home of the Money Saving Mile.
Okay, so Uber requires a car 15 years old or newer, and I don’t want to have to buy a newer vehicle every year, so I’m starting with 2006 or newer cars.
A nicer experience doesn’t get you more money, but Uber Select does. That requires a luxury vehicle. How’sabout a Japanese nameplate in a perhaps-delusional effort to keep running costs lower?
For starters, how about a Lexus ES350? Sure, it’s dull as watching paint dry, but when you’re in the driver’s seat all day, that comfortable dullness will probably mean less stress and fatigue. This one is at the top of the heap at $14,800:
https://images.craigslist.org/00s0s_78dXa9wghi4_1200x900.jpg
https://kansascity.craigslist.org/cto/5580963327.html
But let’s be honest — we’re car guys. We don’t want dull as dishwater. We need some POWAH and some RWD goodness in our cabs. Friends, for your consideration, the Infiniti M45:
https://images.craigslist.org/00T0T_b106xfwbO19_600x450.jpg
https://kansascity.craigslist.org/cto/5541434435.html
Now, the chief problem with both of those offerings is that they’ve got no class — they’re appliances. One of them might be a powerful, RWD appliance, but where’s the character?
That in mind, I give you the $15,000 Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaag XJL:
https://images.craigslist.org/00e0e_B3ths4LcuU_1200x900.jpg
https://topeka.craigslist.org/cto/5575989860.html
This one is an even ten grand – it’s already got 28s, and color keyed cupholders:
’92 Fleetwood Brougham D Elegance
http://images.craigslist.org/00k0k_eUR6Y1cf5hJ_600x450.jpg
http://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/cto/5568140608.html
Clown Car?
Assclown car.
…
And in the under $15,000 ($1,500×10) category, we have a ’69 Land Rover with a 350 SBC swap, and a sloppy steering box:
http://images.craigslist.org/00r0r_dLk489oBL2p_600x450.jpg
http://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/cto/5562005052.html
If it’s character you want, how about a rusty ’81 FJ40?:
http://images.craigslist.org/00i0i_3V2pgjhfdwJ_600x450.jpg
http://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/cto/5554473614.html
Here’s a hot deal with $9500 left over for necessary repairs and legal fees…
ttp://kansascity.craigslist.org/cto/5588404530.html
Interesting. So, Uber only requires a car 15 years old or new. Assuming I want to do the Uber thing whilst in college or starting off my career, I’ll plan on doing it for 5 years. That leaves me looking at 2006 or newer. I also want the cheapest to operate car I can get. The less I’m pouring in the tank, the more I’m keeping in my pocket. Therefore, I think we all know the right answer:
http://detroit.craigslist.org/wyn/cto/5522070542.html
http://images.craigslist.org/00d0d_gxErsieNIZp_600x450.jpg
Right on the money! A Mustang GTO!!!!
https://austin.craigslist.org/cto/5591824418.html
Gran Turismo Obscurato?
Gran Turismo Ohmygodburnthosewheels
*spits out beverage*
Also right on the money. 1948 Packard with a Super 8! NEAT!
https://austin.craigslist.org/cto/5591286621.html
Is there a ClassicUber? I’d prefer that one.
ClassicUber? Yes, but you have to make the reservation by telegraph… The car owner confirms with a smoke signal. Blue smoke from the exhaust for yes, and black smoke from under the hood for no.
Do I have to let the driver sleep in my annex afterwards?
The coach house is good enough!
Wow. That is…. That is a lot of money for one of these.
1987 Ford Thunderbird Turbo Coupe – $10000
https://austin.craigslist.org/cto/5590919724.html
I’m not good at this high-priced stuff. This 2007 Volga 31105 is about 1100$ – why not get a fleet and create some mafia-like organisational structures? I hear the transport business is open for that.
http://www.autonavigator.ru/cars/used/GAZ/31105/10224620.html
http://img7.autonavigator.ru/picscarsnew/1022/4620/1719563_1024.jpg?max=1024
http://img7.autonavigator.ru/picscarsnew/1022/4620/1719565_1024.jpg?max=1024
http://img7.autonavigator.ru/picscarsnew/1022/4620/1719567_1024.jpg?max=1024
Looks like this Volga is ready to uphold the Volga tradition of giving only one-way rides.
This, Mr Lokki, is the best comment I’ve seen in a long time. Outstanding.
Given that it looks like someone found it in the bottom of a canal, I think it already has.
Unfortunately, that’s a very common look for post-2000 GAZ’s of any flavour.
With some funds left over for a personalized plate reading “CUBER”
http://kansascity.craigslist.org/ctd/5585000483.html
Nice
Here’s a 2007 Toyota Avalon – roomy, comfortable, reliable, and perhaps a little dull. A good one for Uber.
https://miami.craigslist.org/brw/cto/5577119316.html
That’s the kind of car I’d like to own in order to save for a more interesting one. Oh, wait, I sort of do…
Well, after last week’s vote, you aren’t going to start a career as an Uber driver in Austin. Might as well spend your 10.5k on something fun to drive while waiting for the folks at corporate to cave in.
https://austin.craigslist.org/cto/5552000383.html
http://images.craigslist.org/00e0e_iYeNAkqMXXO_600x450.jpg
Upvoted ’cause I really want one.
If I’m reading Uber’s demographics properly, success requires the vehicle to be both retro-ironic and green.
http://images.craigslist.org/00E0E_7CQpzpIZPev_600x450.jpg
http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/cto/5582027170.html
Or http://a.disquscdn.com/uploads/users/14676/9056/avatar92.jpg?1463773639
This is well below the price cap, but it’s the epitome of taste, class and restraint.
http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NjQwWDM1OQ==/z/OOAAAOSw41xXOgwx/$_27.JPG
http://www.kijiji.ca/v-cars-trucks/regina/2008-pontiac-g6-gxp-sedan/1165697308?enableSearchNavigationFlag=true
I’ll take two 2006 Swedish* SUVs for a combined total of exactly $15000.
Luxury, Safety*, and AWD to get you through the toughest mild winters.
And two, so one can be working off the parts the other one requires.
*Add “-ish” to the end for the Trollblazer
2006 Saab 9-7x silver $6800
http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NjAwWDgwMA==/z/y~YAAOSwcL5XMmZe/$_27.JPG
http://www.kijiji.ca/v-cars-trucks/edmonton/2006-saab-9-7x-silver/1164001526?enableSearchNavigationFlag=true
2006 Volvo XC90 2.5L Turbo SUV, Crossover $8200
http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NjAwWDgwMA==/z/0t4AAOSw3mpXI5RU/$_27.JPG
http://www.kijiji.ca/v-cars-trucks/calgary/2006-volvo-xc90-2-5l-turbo-suv-crossover/1160705910?enableSearchNavigationFlag=true
With this 4WD Suburban you’ll be the only one picking up drunks after the snow falls. And you can charge twice as much, I’m guessing. $10,500.
https://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/cto/5587966948.html
Uber here requires a car in good cond no more than 10 yrs old, but newer services like juno requires no more than 5 yrs old.
This the perfect way to do Uber around a city. Everyone will stay out of your way and you can also grab multiple people for the bar crawl.
http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/cto/5575201677.html
Fits the Hooniverse price limit – check.
Fits the Uber vehicle age requirement for another three years – check.
Four door, five seater sedan – check.
Leather seats for easier removal of liquids – check.
Swanky and comfortable – check.
300 horsepower V8 just for giggles – check.
Autogas conversion for half the fuel costs of a petrol powerplant – check.
http://ww3.autoscout24.de/classified/287480144
I also had some (partially cheaper) Audis and BMWs in my scope but they were all too high mileage, too riced out or too run down; and generally too common here.
On a side note Uber in its American form is illegal in Germany.
Somehow I missed last week’s $1,500 challenge which is just as well as I might have bought something. Last thing I need is another hooptie to keep running.
You spend as much as $1500 ?
Sure, I’ve spent at least that much on parts for the 318ti.
(My daughter’s 2003 Protege (now deceased) was $2K last year as was the other’s 1998 Escort in 2013. I splurged on the wife’s 2007 Prius – $10K)