Bad Idea: Subaru Tribeca Stretch Limo

Let’s say you came into some FU money. You’re a big-shot now so you hire a driver because you can’t party with strippers conduct important business and drive at the same time. Since you have a driver, you decide to procure a custom stretch limo, because Maybachs are for tasteless Wall Street hacks. What do you order?
These days large SUVs are the most popular basis for stretch limos, but you don’t care about what’s popular. Sedans, and whatever the hell Ford picked to replace the almighty Panther, are equally lame. Vans, like a customized Mercedes-Benz Sprinter, are huge and comfortable but you don’t want to mistaken for a hotel shuttle. No, you think outside the box, possibly while really high, and you find your answer – Subaru Tribeca! 


Yea, that’s ticket, a Tribeca. Because it’s a Subaru, it will show the world that you’re outdoorsy, care about environment, and love dogs. The lack of outright opulence shows that despite your wealth you are still in touch with the working class. Subtle modifications to the exterior show that despite your modesty you have class, too. Perfuckingfect. 

Because you are a rich idiot man (or a woman) of taste and class, your handpick your interior choices. Black-ish, dark gray, depressing looking, low quality leather is the obvious choice for seat material. But it’s the plaid carpeting that gives your Tribeca limo that personal touch. You don’t scrimp on the latest 1980’s technology, such as handheld intercom phone between you and your driver. 

The rear-most seats are reserved for you, and they’re nothing but the best, of course. You choose the factory Tribeca front seats, of course – Range Rover has nothing on those. And you add aftermarket butt-warmers which turn on via the cheapest aftermarket switch possible, located in the least accessible spot, of course. 
Add the typical classy bordello lighting and tackiest of bars, of course. Thirteen-inch TV, which you cannot actually view from the rear seat, finishes off this masterpiece of crap. Bam, you are done! You have rewarded yourself by accomplishing limousine perfection. This amazing Subaru Tribeca limo is so you!

You can find this amazing automobile on sale here, at Twin Willows Auto Sale. This 2010 model has only 42,384 miles, which means someone actually drove and was seen in it for that much time/distance, and one dent. Get it, now!
Side note – why is it that I think that this thing will appeal to many Hooniverse readers?