Attention SoCal Hoons: It's Your Duty To LeMonize This Ford

You’re looking at a 1975 Country Squire with a 460ci V8. In stock smog-compliant form, it likely wheezed out 180hp right before they parked it 15 years ago. Luckily, after tons of cheater parts mildly modified with some junkyard parts you the output could be upgraded substantially. Ford Wagons are great because they’re essentially a half-ton truck drivetrain, meaning backing up that monster mill is a sturdy C6 and nine-inch diff. Meaning you could swap the tall 3-point-something diff in this for a 4.88 posi from Summit 4.10 from a junkyard F150 without issue. The theme is the tricky part. The obvious direction is to go Lampoons Family Vacation. Metallic Pea, wood siding, etc. The problem is, it’s obvious, and it’s been done in several times in LeMons history including on a Pinto wagon. Unless you can actually convince Chevy Chase to join your team, Lampoons is out. …but that doesn’t mean you can’t riff on the old-school family hauler image. Our suggestion: Good old fashioned late-70s Church Going Family. Clean the wagon up as much as possible with some new wood-grain contact paper and a rattle-can job . Everyone in matching slacks, yellow sweaters and collared shirts, asking people if they’d like to “hear some good news” and handing out tracts. But there’s a twist: The tracts are for the the Cult of Cthulhu, preaching the coming of The Great Ones. If offered they’d be happy to tell you about the Necronomicon. It’ll definitely have a Cthulhu-fish on the tailgate, and maybe some bumper-stickers. We’re thinking in the evening between racing sessions you can tour the paddock with a bullhorn imploring other racers to come to a meeting at your pits where you help them see the way. You’ll either get Organizers’ Choice or People’s Curse, but it’ll be awesome no matter what. Got a better idea? It’s on eBay at $750, but we suspect that’s pretty negotiable.