The Park Bench Racing Team (PBRT) will be back in action this May at the The Real Hoopties of New Jersey race taking place at New Jersey Motorsports Park in Milli-Vanilli-ville, New Joyzee. Our continually evolving and always improving ’02 Buick Regal “race car” is the same it has always been, because it’s difficult to improve on perfection. We therefore expect the same perfect mediocre performance and promising but always somewhat disappointing, at least trophy-free, result.
Our team captain is the awesome guy named Andy, who you’d know only if you ever met him. He’s got his shit together and really runs the team. Then there is Rafal, our fastest driver, who is very handy and quickly solves our constant problems, but best communicates with his hands and grunting noises. Then there is me, the guy who takes pictures and bribes the judges with food. A new addition to the team for this race is rookie George Kennedy who is an automotive journalist (Boston Globe, Boldride, Autoblog, US News, CarGurus, etc), which means he will probably be a shity driver and bound to make a visit or ten to the penalty box.
At the last race in Thompson, CT, the mighty Buick overheated and blew a few gaskets. It was ridiculously hot and humid and we all kind of overheated. We Packed it in on Sunday morning. Yes, it would have been heroic to fix the car on Saturday night but instead we chose to go out to eat where the the waitresses wore skimpy outfits.
We skipped the October race because we didn’t bother fixing the blown up car as everyone had something real-life-related going on.
But now we are ready! Or ready-ish, at least. We dropped in a new old engine and got it running. It is modified with our hacked patented oil pan and not much else. We have concluded that the Buick’s factory original suspension should be refreshed. The struts have no rebound at all and the springs are pretty much collapsed. We will then attempt to improve brake cooling, modify the bench/wing for less drag, check the exhaust (parts of it fell off), weld up EGR tube (it’s leaking exhaust), and perform a general inspection. I don’t even think we need new tires or brake pads.
See ya at NJMP! We usually camp out near the general store. Make sure to follow us on Facebook and like us on Twitter, too.
24 Hours of Lemons Buick will race again!
By Kamil Kaluski
Mar 28, 2017
By Kamil Kaluski
East Coast Editor. Races crappy cars and has an unhealthy obsession with Eastern Bloc cars. Current fleet: Ford Bronco, Lexus GX 470, and a Buick Regal crapcan racecar.
Jeff Glucker
So what’s the theme going to be this time?
Same as it’s been from the get go. We are not changing anything.
You do have the beginnings of a rather fun Chia Pet theme.
Ain’t no one got the time to keep watering that shit!
You have an overheating car but you don’t care enough to apply an external cooling source that will also take care of our planet.
I weep for you.
I blame global warming for our overheating problems.
As you should. Since all the heat was causing the chemicals to leech off the plastics in the cabin and coat the engine in this GM’ish glaze that wouldn’t let it breath.
“…modify the bench/wing for less drag…”
Cheaters!
You can still put a greenhouse around it, to have a “defined vortex tear-off” or something.
https://www.gewaechshausplaza.de/media/catalog/product/m/i/mini-gewaechshaus-hg-1.jpg
When you aren’t racing, visit the Old Oar House downtown.
Why you no race Lada?
Not ready. And hauling it to NJ is bit too far. And I really like this track and it’s more enjoyable is a “faster” car.