Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Category. This will be a weekly posting that will encourage all of you, our faithful Hooniverse fans, to participate in a game of determining who on the Hooniverse is the smartest at providing a smart, snarky, funny caption to some classic images I have been able to gather. Of course, here at Hooniverse, we just don’t find any old image on the net, we are going with some classic images from car brochures, press images, and advertising images from the car companies themselves.
Let’s take this example for instance. It is an advertising image from the Ford Motor Company picturing a very nice couple on a vacation outing with their brand new 1964 Ford Country Squire Wagon. The image shows a classically handsome man with what I can only assume is his loving wife. He is about to repel down the side of some sort of cliff, with a rope tied around the rear axle of the wagon. The loving wife, wearing a smart green cardigan, and crisp black slacks and flats (remember, this is 1963, and the womens trail shoe hasn’t been invented yet) looks demurely on as her husband (or boyfriend) is about to go over.
Which brings us to your mission. You have the next five days to come up with a great caption of this image. After the editors here vote for the funniest, snarkiest, or smartest answer to this caption contest post, the winner will be notified in another post later on in the week, with our congratulations. Prizes? If it becomes popular enough, we will review the awarding of prizes later, but for now just be happy that another web site with a caption contest isn’t taking the easy way out. Now, get to work.
Image Source: Captain Geoffrey Spaulding’s Flicker Stream
Hooniverse Classic Captions – 1964 Ford Country Squire Edition
By Jim Brennan
Jul 4, 2011
Kamil Kaluski 
Robby DeGraff
One word: Tapeworms.
"Tell me again about the double overhand," she cooed. He thought he'd already covered that very clearly, and wished she would stop distracting him.
That's okay, Honey. I'll wait right here until you get back. Just let me hang onto the keys. You know, in case…
Doris had no real interest in outdoor activities but she encouraged each of her nine husbands to take up rappelling as a hobby.
Nope, only one. You just wasted yours;D
"Parking brake? Why, no, Donald… I thought you set it…"
Some techniques for male enhancement are more drastic than others…
The Draper's summer vacation to the Grand Canyon:
"Bobby… Sally… Any sign of Daddy's keys down there yet…? It'll be getting dark soon…"
I know the Ford 9" rear end is strong, honey, but are you sure I can trust my life with it?
Mayhem can strike at any time…
"Honey, why do we model for Ford? GM never have us doing stupid stuff like this…"
"I don't know, dear, but do you think they'll let me keep these slacks?"
"Let's hope so, they're gorgeous. And I'm keeping this wig, too".
"Yeah, I guess the tailgate-integrated toilet is a good idea, but I wish they had room for a septic tank instead of…oh, it's clogging again…
"Just hold tight dear i'll be back with your mother in a jiffy , I still have no idea how she fell over the edge"
What could possibley go wrong? I got this rope from Acme! Now hand me those rocket powered skates…
"Just let my husband go and we can take off in the Squire."
Although his technique improved from these laughable beginnings, more than 40 years later David Carradine still had not fully mastered auto erotic asphyxia.
priceless!
Exactly how adult can we be with this? For example, my mind went to:
"This fellow seems to have misinterpreted his date's suggestion of 'going down'."
"Did you bring enough rope, dear? I'm sure [REDACTED]'s integrity is down there somewhere."
All right hun, you hang tight and make make me a drink. I'll be back in a couple of minuets and then you can try. Don't scratch my car while I'm gone.
"After recently cutting a check for Frank's life insurance policy, Betty was reluctant to tell Frank about the small, yet very significant fray in his rope. Her mind was too busy thinking of the trade-in value that their recently purchased wagon would have toward a shiny, red '64 Thunderbird Convertible."
"Ford Motor Company. Trying not to promote 'accidental' death, since 1903"