By Jim Brennan
Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. This is a series of posts that are set to run this time each week, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week, I found an image highlighting one of the best selling cars in Britain, so good luck!
Last week, we had an image of Movie and Television Star Donna Reed, and none of you even remembered who she was. However, it didn’t stop you from responding, so let’s take a look at the top comment. It was from our pal onrails, and his meandering dissertation went like this: Bob turned the corner, relieved at finally getting back to his Scout after a 3 day hike. But wait…who were these people? Why were they using his Scout? He hid behind some nearby bushes and fought with his overly polite Canadian sensibilities. Should he confront them and ask them to kindly pack up? Should he just wait until they finished? Surely it couldn’t take that long.
And then it happened… the little girl in the driver’s seat was being handed a plateful dripping, sticky watermelon. Bob’s OCD overcame his politeness and hatred of confrontation. He had to think fast. The solution was a simple one, though it required full commitment on his part. He took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and executed his quickly formed plan – the last thing the family saw before they passed out in a combination of fear and confusion was a screaming naked man heading heading toward them at full speed yelling “MY PRECIOUS! MY PRECIOUS! DON’T EAT FOOD IN MY PRECIOUS!”
He also included the Homer Simpson image shown on the right, stating: I’ll see myself out… It was very funny, so congratulations onrails! It’s also time for you to open an Intense Debate Account so the Hoons can follow your comments here and elsewhere!
It’s now time to take a look at this weeks image. This was an Advertising Image for the Ford Cortina GT Mk II featuring a cheeky couple in a checked print, no doubt simulating the checkered flag found at the finish of some racing or rallying venue. So, what is it suppose to represent? Is the Contina GT really that sporty? Are you sure to finish if you buy one? Is it just the Mod 60s British Pop Influence? Only you can come up with the answer to these questions, so let’s see what you come up with for this very groovy picture. (You can click here to see the full size image)
You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate entries, and after contemplating our own caption, we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this interesting image
Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream
Kamil Kaluski 
Robby DeGraff
Congratulations, onrails! Your prize from me is a Scout………..a Girl Scout.
<img src="http://wpapers.ru/wallpapers/girls/10511/PREV_Girl-Scout.jpg"width="500"/>
HA HA! Nice, onrails!
This seemed appropriate. Hope it's good!
<img src="http://motorcitytimes.com/mct/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Duff_beer_by_mchenry.jpg" width=400>
<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljmvdmRvDP1qbuewbo1_1280.jpg" width=500"> Congrats onrails, it was silly and great, thanks! Who mooses the mooses? Yeah that doesn't make sense, sorry.
Watch out, or this will come for you!
<img src="http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/ulf_boehnke/9895195/336637/336637_original.jpg">
Hey onrails, Savannah Smiles here would like to Thank You Berry Munch!
Woo hoo! Thanks everyone! Suddenly I have an urge for some Girl Scout…
Cookies.
Dick and Jane not only had a checkered past, but they also had checkered clothes.
The car sold especially well in Mexico, where local ad agencies erroneously marketed it as the Ford Carnita, and gave away tacos with every test drive.
<img src="http://www.simplyrecipes.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/carnitas-tacos.jpg" width=350>
<img src="http://davidperrystudio.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/rick_rollstone.jpg"> "Before we married mommy served in the WAACs in the Tanzanines"
Mommy's alright! Daddy's allright!
They just drive a little Fo-ord.
Cortina! Cortina!
Although she refused to wear the leather on her days off, Madame Angela humored husband Niles by carrying the whip everywhere. He was, after all, a natural "sub". This personality trait permeated everything, including his choice in clothes and automobiles.
Few people know that the 1969 film The Italian Job was initially set to star Steve Allen, Julie London and the Ford Cortina GT Mk II, until the producers gave the entire project a talent overhaul.
Witty caption to follow, but why is this Cortina pictured with LHD for a British ad? Or was this some attempt to sell the gogo lifestyle and British product over here in 'Muhrica?
Could be a U.S. ad. Cortinas were reasonably commonplace in the Pacific Northwest when I was a wee lad.
When in doubt blame Canada! It was sold in small numbers here in US even.
I can remember seeing the occasional Cortina when I was a kid growing up in Dallas. Not many, but some. I know that the round taillights on the Mark I made an impression on me, because I can remember drawing and coloring some, cutting them out, then taping them on the back of my Radio Flyer wagon. It's funny, the things you remember from childhood – by age six I was a hardcore gearhead.
From 1990 until sometime in late 2010, there was a lot on a busy-ish street in a small town near me that had 16 Mark II Cortinas rotting away behind slatted chain link. I stopped every now and then and stared.
Stuff came together too late. A friend told me I could store them at his place, but for no more than one year. I came into a small bit of money and decided, November 2010 or thereabouts, to go find the owner and offer $3000 for the whole lot. I wanted one last look at the place before going to the county offices to find the owner.
They were gone.
/Insert screaming, cursing, stomping feet and tearing out hair.
Figured they were all gone to the crusher on the order of some asshole code-enforcement officer. I didn't want that confirmed, so I never investigated further.
I found out later and purely by accident, from the waitress at the restaurant next door, that they'd all been lovingly loaded onto two car hauler semis by an old guy and his son, who never stopped smiling the whole time they worked. They'd eaten lunch there and had told the waitress that they had two Cortinas that had been in the family since they were new, that they loved these cars and couldn't believe what they'd found here.
That made it better.
But it shoulda been me. . .
If only Harrell lived anywhere near you, he would have figured-out a way to get that flyer out on the streets. Neat-o story Duke, thanks!
Fixed.
<img src="http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/1338/egvz.jpg" width=350>
Despite early efforts, including cross-promotion with Ford, it would not be until 2012 and a breakout South Korean rapper named Psy that "Gangnam Style" would really catch fire.
<img src="http://media2.intoday.in/indiatoday/images/stories//2013April/psy2_660_041513124823.jpg">
Seriously, when does this turd Psy go away? He's like the Yugo of music…
"With the sensible Cortina, at least your car will never look ridiculous."
What the Cortina didn´t knew was that the checkered flag was for her as the Escort Mk1 was on her way.
Then Gemma replied, "Why yes, Reg, I'll swap clothes with you! It sounds like a smashing idea!"
The moment "because racecar" was actually born.
I remember the actual moment.
I like this car so much more.
And oh yeah, I had no idea it was Donna Reed in last week's picture, probably because I wasn't thinking about a celebrity being in the ad. She was smokin' hot in her younger years, like in It's A Wonderful Life. The husband in the picture isn't Carl Betz (her husband in The Donna Reed Show), so that must have been her second husband, Tony Owen, with their four kids.
EDIT: I went back and read last week's caption post, and saw the mention of Donna and her family. A big fat D'Oh!
"I swear to the gods Woman…if you flick that bungee cord at my face…the only part of this car you will see will be the taillights.
And I'll be taking back my Victory Pants too.
Just keep that in mind."
Ford introduces the Cortina line of stylish accessories: Available in any color you want, as long as it's black, white, or red.
Swedish television show, "Guess How Long It Is", was cancelled after only one episode when the advertisements for what was an innocent kids' program about measurements and cars led shocked parents to get the wrong idea.
"So I just finished measuring the headliner, and we'll only need a few yards of this wonderful check pattern…"
Dan – "so.. 😉 I know its impressive. most men pale in comparison. What length are you used to – 5… maybe 6 inches?"
Anna – "it was THIIIIIIIIS big."
Dan – " oh….. um……ill see myself out <img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m37l96vFp71qb978l.gif">"
– hat tip to last week's winner
Everyone's a winner, baby, that's the truth (yes, the truth)
Driving you is such a thrill.
Everyone's a winner, baby, that's no lie (yes, no lie)
You never fail to satisfy (satisfy)
Bootsauce!
Though they eventually agreed to share the mind control suit, him controlling the arms for both of them, and her the legs, it did make driving somewhat difficult.
No, no, Jill. You're supposed to wave the checkered FLAG, not wave at the checkered….nevermind.
Years later, Mrs. Mosley realized that she should have been more concerned about the end of Max's constant requests for her to carry the whip than she was by their beginning.
I can tell she's a classy dame, know how?
This sounds like a joke I should know the punchline to … but don't.
Because she has her pinky out while replacing the fan belt with his panty hose.
Yeah, that would have been strange to have you in my head…
Just one of the many rejected concepts for the time machine for Dr Who.
At the racing themed swingers parties (Insert Mike Myers "YEAH BABY, Grooovy!") the checked pattern symbolized your preference of finishing on top or bottom. The onlooking Ford Cortina GT Mk II wearing an ironic envious Red was just anxious to finish on anything.
"Stop leaning on that Ford, Mike, and bend over to take your punishment".
"Cor! Tina!"
"Oy, c'mon ovah 'ere…don't make me get the Quattro."
"Knight to Queen's crotch," said Garry Kasparov.
With the new Cortina, everyone's a winner, at least half the time!
Always the perfect gentleman, Jim's willingness to lend Barbara his pants had nothing to do with his desire to feel her riding crop across his now nak…
/and that's how bad fan fiction started
Everyone remembers the racing Lotus Cortinas but some of the other limited editions are less well remembered. Like the 'Daily Mail' edition with it's available optional chequered clothing, which matched the chequered seat fabric and the only available paint colour of red. In this way of course the car was just like the newspaper. Black and White and read all over. 🙂
Larry never did get laid again after choosing the matching checkered outfits instead of the chanel #5 for his bride's wedding gift, but driving angry in his groom's gift did lead to several SCCA awards over the years.
Regarding not remembering who Donna Reed is ; perhaps the little girl pointing up and recognizing "that man again w/the big camera – in the tree" was too subtle a reference to the paparazzi that celeb's like Reed probably discovered trailing her family …
Wipe that smile off your face "DARLING"! If you think your going to buy me this instead of the Jag ,,, you know where you're going to find this cue stick..!
Searching through grandma's photo's , I was now convinced she had a "checkered past"
This is the principal I work with today in my
business as a lot of of their przedszkole niepubliczne warszawa new reality, things begin to calm down and
watch. That Georgie Porgie could take some hints.
Keep the base coat of the walls, added comfortable baby bedding to
the crib bedding. His motherin-law, Sylvia Lewis, was one of the more popular packages on the market.
The Ford Cortina is not bad, but Ford Mustang always was the best http://www.anywalls.com/66050-chyornyi-ford-pered…