By Jim Brennan
Welcome to the Revised (yet again) Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. This is a series of postings that are set to go off around this time almost every Tuesday (when I’m able to produce these postings), so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. I’m really into this type of imagery (Women posing in strange positions in flowing Dresses) so see if you can come up with a clever caption for this astonishing image.
Last time, we had an image of an underwhelming Band standing with a customized Honda Civic, and you guys tried to come up with an appropriate caption, which wasn’t easy at all.
It seemed that Alff (Yes, again!) was on fire with his great caption that went like this: “Three years after their fame peaked, The Icy Hot Stuntaz still weren’t very cool”. He seems to always be in the hunt when it comes to the Caption Contest, and it was so close this time.
However it was the musings of Number_Six that was the winner this time with the following caption: “Christian rockers Matthew, Mark, Luke, and Goran had very little success in the street-racing world with their dove-themed, mostly-stock Civic coupe. Removing the nitrous because “David didn’t use a MAC-10 to bring down Goliath” was just one of their many errors in judgement that year.” Very nice tie in Number_Six!
It’s now time to take a look at this weeks illustration. This is an period image for the DKW 3=6 Sedan built between 1957 and 1959. This was one of the gaggle of German Cars that seemed to be prolific around this time period, with a 2-Stroke power plant, and unusual styling. This particular image looks like it was taken stateside because you can see the vintage yellow California plates on the car. Posing with the car are two attractive German models in period correct “Cocktail Dresses”, although I really have no idea why this is appropriate. So what do you think is the tie in between this vintage car and these two dazzling beauties? you have the next 5 days to dazzle me with all the brilliance that I know our fans truly have. (You can click here to see the full size image)
The editors will deliberate entries, and after combing through vintage fashion magazines we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this thought provoking image.
Photo Credit: Alden Jewels Flickr Photostream
Kamil Kaluski 
Robby DeGraff
Congratulations, Number_Six on your winning caption! Here's a Honda Civic for your pleasure.
Jim, I am so glad to see you back! You've been in my thoughts and prayers.
<img src="http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/2334/civicgirlhs1.jpg"width="500"/>
Where's the scrub brush? Those mats aren't going to get clean just by rolling around on them.
She's partially blond.
"Hey, you missed a spot."
Hey, that's not PC!
Naming her Spot, that is.
She looks annoyed. I wouldn't ask, but I'm not sure they're supposed to be red.
Nice, Number_Six! Had a Double Jack myself last night. Saved this'n for you. Cheers!
And Jim–glad you're back, amigo.
<img src="http://www.firestonebeer.com/images/catalog/our_beers_double-jack.png" width=450>
UDMan! Welcome back, very happy to see your words again!
Number_Six, Congrats! I got the joke, and finally got your username too, so I got you big happy balloon. <img src="http://www.retroweb.com/prisoner/prisx60r.jpg">
Thanks everyone! Also glad you bastards finally got my username – it sure as hell didn't come from that damn Battlestar Galactica! And if you're wondering why I picked that one, it's because racecar!
<img src="http://britishsportscars.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Lotus-7-Caterham-The-Prisoner.jpg" />
Glad to see you back, Jim.
I actually missed the byline, so I was thinking as I read "Is Jim back? This reads like Jim." And then I scrolled up and was happy.
+1
"Helga, your attenzion to detail iz qvite impressife. Vhy even your eyebrows match zee littel headlamp shadez of ze DKW!"
"Danke, Heidi. Now qviet! Ve have to lean zeductively avay from ze drivers door."
<img src="http://greasymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/25.jpeg"> I can see it too!
Welcome back, Jim.
"Helga, my back is killing me. I wish we didn't have to achtung any longer."
I've been told that there are times when adding one more of a given thing can have a cumulative effect of more than just that one thing on it's own. If we can find one more woman, we'll see if 3 really equals 6.
3 women = 6 Tatas? But that's clearly a DKW.
Hooniverse has two Jims once again. And all is right.
Jim II
Jim, it is wonderful to see you back here.
"Welcome to The Village, Number Six. Number Two would like to see you now."
If those women in that picture look uncomfortably ecstatic it's because you're back, Jim.
Seriously though, Hooniverse wasn't quite the same without you; welcome back!
You drive a DKW 3=6, therefore we offer you our pelvises.
Woman 1: Men just don't understand us…
Woman 2: Why do you say that?
Woman 1: I told my husband I wanted a little Brazilian…
Woman 2: Yes, and..
Woman 1: He got me this DKW Vemag!.
Both women: Hahaha, Men!
<img src="http://www.veterancarclub-rs.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/DKW.modelos.jpg">
That's an awesome line-up, they have something for everyone. And they say platform engineering is a recent phenomenon!
Jim! Good to see you here! How's your rehab going? You've been in my prayers every morning.
"With the DKW, 3 = 6. Would you like to find out how 2 = 3?"
Welcome back Jim! You've been in my thoughts. I hope all is well.
"As they entered their golden years, aging Chicagoland flapper tabloid sensations Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly could only get work modelling in ads for obscure German compact cars…
And yet we both reached for the car
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both
Oh yes we both
Oh yes, we both reached for
The car, the car, the car, the car
Oh yes, we both reached for the car
For the car…"
Charles, we miss you. Come back.
We are going to stand here in front of this closed restaurant until they either open or you admit this door opens the other way.
"And no, DKW does not stand for 'Don't Know Why.'"
In this showcase showdown, we have a DKW 3=6, courtesy of Dick's DKW in North Haverbrook, and A NEW WIFE! Your selection of Russian mail-order brides from Dan's Discount Russian Ladies. These ladies have the finest period correct dresses and strong eyebrows that you want in your mail-order brides. All this can be yours in the Price is Right."
Some say he may have had a stroke,
but the two women using their car to hold them up say it's more like he knows HOW to….
…all we know is UDMan is doin it to the east, the west, and in the place we like best!
Welcome home brother.
Awesome!
I'd say he had a two-stroke.
Welcome back, Jim!
Too busy at work to make a caption right now, but it's good to see you back, Jim!
"See Helga, since we defected from East Berlin we now get to pose with the beautiful DKW 3=6 instead of that old IFA F9."
"Gretchen, something looks really familiar here."
Good one!
I think the one on the left has a 3==>.
Really great to have you back Jim. I hope all is well. You've been missed.
The DKW 3=6 x 2 ladies = a classic German 12-way.
In their driveway 3=6, but in their bedroom 6=9.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdNxXwE7V_M (embedding does not work for me)
slightly of topic
6=12
8=16
[youtube PnL_0DF2-Uo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnL_0DF2-Uo youtube]
Also, the embedding will probably work for you if you delete the s from https.
[youtube YdNxXwE7V_M http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdNxXwE7V_M youtube]
yes thank you, but your 8=8 (no twostroke) my 6=12
I thought about 8=8, having a fondness for two-strokes myself, but decided to emphasize the oversized nature of the installation.
Well, perhaps not so much an installation as an attachment.
Welcome back Jim!
Some
carsmen don't need the fairer sex to make them look good. Somecarsmen do. Others, likethe DKW 3=6Jim Brennan fall into the middle ground where they are awesome without them, but awesomer with.Welcome back, Jim.
Once upon a time, not too terribly long ago but a good while back, some damned fool physicist, probably trying to impress a girl, divided by zero with one hand while using the other to smash atoms with a really big hammer.
Something happened.
No one really knows what, but there was a BRIGHT LIGHT and a BIG BOOM and when all the dust settled nothing in that land really worked the same ever again.
Doors appeared in open fields and opened to hallways in other galaxies. Whole towns floated away into space. Chickens barked like dogs.
In one village, three and six were suddenly, inexplicably equal.
Later investigations have determined that this was caused by a small black hole that appeared suddenly inside a small German car as it sat outside a restaurant. This black hole, later referred to as 3=6, eventually inhaled the entire town before mysteriously winking out of existence (in this universe, at least).
One single photo made it out of the town, and appears to show 3=6 immediately after it appeared.
The photo, lableled DKW 3=6, looks like a car ad, doesn’t it?
Actually, it’s the last moments of life on earth for Dagmar and Kierstin Winkel. They look happy enough, but that’s just 3=6’s extreme gravity distorting their facial expressions. Their odd posture is similarly explained. Moments later, they crossed the event horizon and ceased to be.
Of note, what appear to be yucca plants in the background were actually 50-foot-tall big leaf maples. The gravitational effects of 3=6 have distorted the light before it reached the camera's lens.
“My German is a little rusty, but there are two women standing here, and I swear I heard them say something about three and sex.”
Welcome back, Jim!
Winner
Thank god you didn't hear "drei sechs".
[youtube g59DuKhKYwI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g59DuKhKYwI youtube] So very very drunk one on right is she confuse DKW with greyhound bus, and me her friend for tyrannosaurus rex. Labadabba….. aaaaaaah dress is not so that bad.
HA HA HA HA ! Awesome!
Funny sidenote: So I started this song playing and forgot about it because it was taking a year to load.
Started an instructional video in Windows Media Player telling me how to fill in this website template we're going to use here. All the other videos I've watched have some cold dead fish of a web designer narrating them, nothing else. This one started with CDF saying welcome, and a gypsy guitar starts playing in the background.
I was halfway through the video before I realized two were playing at once. It was awesome. Think I'll play background music for all future viewings.
That made me very happy!
For one glorious morally- and legally-sketchy week, Ingo Frankfurter's Foreign Car Emporium on La Cienega offered an incredible deal: Buy a German two-stroke, get a two German stroke free.
Also: Welcome back Jim! Hope you're feeling better.
I echo all of the comments welcoming you back Jim.
One woman is not enough if you need a two-stroke.
"Helga, how long will we have to wait for the Subaru B-9 Tribeca so we can finally have a modern car that expresses our true relationship?"
"Show them what they've won, Vannas!"
Critics loved this model's curves but found the eyebrows a bit heavy.
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