By Jim Brennan
Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. This is a series of posts that are set to run this time each week, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week the image is taken from a GM experiment in marketing, conducted in Canada!
Last week, we had an image of a 1930’s Art Deco Styled Chrysler and we received the lowest number of responses since restarting this feature (What’s up with that?), but there were some great captions none-the-less. The first one is from Atomic Toasters contributor engineerd, who neatly combined one of the nations wealthiest families with the Great Depression: “After the stock market crash, the Vanderbilts tried so hard to feel the pain of their less-fortunate countrymen. Unfortunately, downgrading to a Chrysler and buying their children a new seesaw from the Sears catalog was not enough to convince people that they were “in touch”.” This was very well done, so congrats engineerd!
But it was newcomer Matador, who came up with a very witty line, and it went like this: “Bobby, Joan dear, please come in off the oil derrick before you get our wealth all over yourselves.” This was spot on, so congratulations Matador, and now is the time to set up an intense debate account, so the Hoons that populate this corner of the blogosphere can follow your witty repartee.
It’s now time to take a look at this weeks image. This is an advertising image for the 1991 Passport Isuzu Stylus that was marketed in Canada. It really was nothing more than a facelifted Isuzu I-Mark, or the more common Chevrolet Spectrum of the 80s. The image reinforces the stereotype that the Japanese seem to take pictures of anything with their expensive Japanese Cameras. What kind of image will any of these shutterbugs get so close to the car? Why is the car on a lighted plinth anyway? And the tagline of the advertisement is really meaningless: “We know what you really want”. I can bet that it isn’t an Isuzu Stylus, but what do I know? It’s now time for you to deduce the real meaning of this ad, and have fun doing so. (You can click here to see the full size image)
You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate entries, and after contemplating our own caption, we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this interesting image
Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream
Kamil Kaluski 
Robby DeGraff
I had a friend who was a manager at a Chevy's Mexican restaurant (remember those?). He bought a Stylus and became a Catholic priest. True story.
Congratulation, Matador, on the winning caption! Here's a classic Chrysler 300 for your efforts!
<img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6NbRkTM7oUc/TE728bQdbOI/AAAAAAAABR0/8PsLN–h_YQ/s1600/Chrysler+300trmsm.jpg"width="500"/>
What car?
HA HA HA HA HA! Matador, that was excellent!
Had this in the cupboard, waiting for a day like this.
<img src="http://goo.gl/e8gMD" width= 400>
You're good!
<img src="http://www.abandonaid.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/thank-you-road-sign.jpg" width=250>
Matador's comment still makes me laugh.
It really was funny (and yours was none too shabby either), here have these matador boots Matador. I really liked Sjalabais' too. <img src="http://cdn2-b.examiner.com/sites/default/files/styles/image_content_width/hash/02/78/02787a55258f2f2a2f7cf5a721da86dd.jpg?itok=1JWvmB8B">
Lovely lady, I would like to have this car and take that pretty lady for a spin , she has nice legs ,,,,!!!!
So, they are taking passport photos?
Thanks, guys, I will be here all week.
The press was abuzz over the first Stylus cub born in captivity. Unfortunately, the poor, malformed thing wouldn't survive long.
Just for the record, I actually have a bit of a thing for the Stylus in XS form. I like the styling, the handling was perhaps best of the the T-cars, and thanks to the many iterations of the Gemini around the world, there's a whole bunch of performance to be had just swapping parts. You can even do an AWD conversion without any welding or cutting.
<img src="http://www.isuzuperformance.com/gifs/carpix/carl01/carl0127.jpg">
Bill Luton @ Isuzu Performance in St. Louis is the go-to guy.
http://www.isuzuperformance.com/
Amanda Bynes makes her first court appearance in the bong-out-the-apartment-window case, in the Isuzu Stylus, a car that's as stylish as she is.
/topical, no?
Banned in the North American market, the original campaign was 'Impractical Things You Can Do In a Practical Isuzu.'
Sometimes things just get lost in translation. Isuzu Japan's marketing department heard what it wanted to hear, instead of what the English-speaking focus groups actually had to say about the new model's lack of style.
CSI taking crime scene photos of someone who actually died of boredom, while driving the new practical Isuzu.
The all new Isuzu Stylus will light up your life as well as your undercarriage.
Hey look everyone, it's the one guy who bought a Stylus in Canada!
"Great idea. Talk to your friend Joe Isuzu, he'll know what to do. There's nothing more anonymous than a Stylus, he says. What could possibly go wrong? #@$%!!!"
For Edward Snowden, a bad day was about to get worse.
When the crime scene photographers finished their grim duties, Rico Tubbs was allowed behind the tape to see his partner, dead in the driver's seat. "What the hell was he doing in an Isuzu?" he asked the hot Miami night.
As it turned out, he only rented the boat, croc and Ferrari to look good on TV.
The Picture of Practicality
Is practically a picture of a practical car being pictured by three practical picture-takers
The Picture of Practicality is practially a picture of a practical purveyance pictured by a pair (plus Pete) of practical picture poppers and a practicing pedantic photo pro.
Fixed it for ya.
The search for Prime Minister Brian Mulroney was called off when he was found passed out after consuming a case of Nyquil and crashing the Passport Stylus debut the previous night at Toronto's 1991 Canadian International Auto Show.
It set off a chain of events that lead to both Kim Campbell's disastrous defeat in the 1993 election and the quick dissolution of the Passport brand.
I was wondering if any Canuckoons would pick up on the Nyquil ref…
David Leisure learned a hard lesson about cross-cultural communication the day the still-unnamed economy sedan showed up on set. Apparently he didn't realize one of his Japanese clients overheard him say, "Phew, that thing is styleless."
Nobody knew where it came from or how it ended up on the dance floor or why it wanted to disco disco all night long. It had classus, it had substancus, it had stylus.
There are no smiles to be found in a Passport photo.
"Teleporting a Stylus onto the set of American Bandstand during the live broadcast is a great idea, they said. We'll get more mileage out of this than the time Max Headroom took over HBO, they said. Well, they never thought about how the car would look with a go-go dancer stuck under the front bumper. And that Dick Clark guy–whooowee! When that dude says don't buy Isuzu, people don't buy Isuzu."
–former Isuzu executive,
speaking on condition of anonymity,
during an interview with
Marketing Stunts Gone Bad
Rolling around Hanna, the Village Idiots realize that the paparazzi will release the photos to the public. That day they decide when they hit the big time they will change their name to Nickelback and no one will hate them for driving a Stylus.
Overheard at the photo shoot,
Photographer #1. "I heard that they are trying to make cell phones with cameras in them!"
Photographer #2. " Nothing to worry about. Nobody will buy them."
Photographer #3. " Why does this refrigerator have the ice cube tray in the front?"
As joe Isuzu was suposed to walk in in front of the stylus, the photographers found him hiding under the back bumper mumbling "this aint what I signed up for".
A nice sedan, but it shouldn't be an Impulse purchase.
As they say, any port in a Storm
Said like a real Trooper.
"Life can be a real Rodeo sometimes" said Mike Piazza.
Well said, Amigo.
A very practical car. Watch as three photographers adjust their white balance on the useful flat surfaces of the Stylus.
The Isuzu Stylus is practically a Passport to some Saturday Night Fever.
The paparazzi wait patiently for tan Mom to emerge from her latest ride.
“We know what you really want."
Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really, really wanna zigaziga-i-mark-aaahhaahhhahahahhha thump
Posh tripped again?
/yeah I've got nothing this week.
Dammit. Now I can't turn off the mental stereo.
The Stylus probably wasn't as sharp as it should have been.
I'm surprised it didn't break all kinds of records.
Even with a mere 110-130hp on tap, the Stylus could run 45 all day without skipping a beat, but if you wanted to run at 78, you’d have to tape a penny to it.
Now, that's money well spent!
It worked in a pinch if you didn't have any scratch.
Now, a sharper Stylus. Don't leave Chad hanging.
Well done! That deserves a Pat on the back…
Wait, was this picture taken in Florida?
"Now appearing on Stage nuuumber #3…….Miss Boring!"
The TMZ paps caught up with LiLo persuading a casting director in the back seat of her 'Zu for the lead role in the upcoming Herbie sequel : "Lindsay – Fully Loaded". She offered her honor ; he honored her offer. So, all night it was honor and offer. Unfortunately, the flic never made past pre-production, an issue that LiLo found hard to swallow.