By Jim Brennan
Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. This is a series of posts that are set to run this time every Tuesday, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. Last week this feature was on hiatus for a very good reason… I received a second degree burn that was of my own making (Pot, Boiling Water, Bare Hand… Fill in the blanks). So, with no further mishaps, let’s go!
Two weeks ago, we had an image of a Jeepster on the beach, and we had one of the lowest response levels since I restarted this feature. (What’s up with that?) Ever vigilant Needthatcar came up with a very clever caption for this image, and it went like this: “Polygamy was going great for Ezra, but his fourth wife turned out to be a bitch.” Very clever including the dog within the image, but it didn’t bring home the bacon this time.
The winner this time was from OA5599, which came at the expense of another Hooniverse fan: “Antoine planned to take his Charles Barrett Special back to the dealership for some calibration. It was attracting members of the opposite sex…and species!” Very well done, so congratulations once again OA5599!
It’s now time to take a look at this weeks image. In keeping with the beach theme from the last three weeks, this is an advertising image for the 1991 Isuzu Amigo, driving through the surf. It is a typical early 90s beach image, with a small SUV going through the highly corrosive salt water, and the beautiful girl making an ass of herself. The ad copy states that it’s not only fun, it’s MAX FUN (whatever that means). I’m sure you can come up with a great caption for this interesting image. (You can click here to see the full size image)
You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate entries, and after watching re-runs of… you know, I could reuse the Gidget line again this week, but I wont. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this Summertime Image.
Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream
Kamil Kaluski 
Robby DeGraff
Annette celebrates her rescue from the Jeep ad just out of frame.
Best clean one in a long, long time.
Not available in Blue.
Beach Ball: Fun For a Girl and a Boy.
Bob was excited to show off his new Amigo's Messiah mode, and Cheryl was quick to become a true believer.
However, Steve, being the skeptic that he was, just couldn't take it on faith. He drowned shortly after…
Way to go, OA5599! Here's a Jeep on its way to Margaritaville for your winning caption!
<img src="http://www.top-offroaders.com/wp-content/gallery/offroad-girls/girl-on-jeep-3.jpg"width="500"/>
OAAAAAA! OA! OA! OAAAAAAAA!
OAAAAAA!
OAAAAAA!
BAM! Kick-ass, OA5599! Here's a Brewdog Challenger to reward your efforts!
<img src="http://res.cloudinary.com/ratebeer/image/upload/w_120,c_limit,q_80,d_beer_def.gif/beer_168946.jpg" >
<img src="http://www.mysocalledsensorylife.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/birds-and-bees-600×390.jpg"> You have to understand, it was a different era OA, congrats!
Thank you. No dog there.
Raise your hand, if you're Sure.
My very first thought.
I still remember every word to the song. Damn the strength of advertising jingles.
Or: I've got a headache this big, and it has Excedrin written all over it.
<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m72pu2SLv91rswmb6o1_400.gif">
This always made me think of the Pixies, doing a Jesus And Mary Chain song.
"…takin' myself to a dirty part of town wherAPPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!!!"
HA HA!
"And the world could die in pain IF THEY DON'T APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!"
BOOM boom boom boom BOOM boom boom boom
From the land of sky blue waters,
Waaaaaters!
From the land of pines, lofty balsams,
Comes the beer refreshing,
Hamm's, the beer refreshing.
Brewed where nature works her wonders,
Aged for many moons, gently mellowed,
Hamm's the beer refreshing,
Hamm's the beer refreshing.
Hamm's.
—————————–
I was 8 years old when I first started singing this song. Drove my mom nuts.
When I was ten, there was a case of Hamm's at a family picnic. I snuck on under my shirt, hid behind a bush, thought about refreshing sky blue water, and popped the top.
I shall never forget the disappointment I felt at that moment.
Greaser: Do you know why I like 5th Avenue candy bars?
Poodle Girls: Is it the creamy milk chocolate?
Greaser: No, no-o-o-o, no.
Poodle Girls: Is it the crunchy peanut bu-u-u-tter?
Greaser: No, no-o-o-o, no.
Poodle Girl #1 (spoken): Well then, why DO you like 5th Avenue candy bars?
Greaser: Because — it's the bite that's ri-i-ight!
Background Greaser (falsetto): 5th A-ha-venu-u-u-u-ue!
Greaser: Candy Ba-a-a-a-rs!
HA! Reminds me:
"You got your peanut butter in my chocolate!"
"NO, you got your chocolate in my peanut butter!"
<img src="http://www.littlewingautogyro.com/pictures/threewings2.jpg">
I'm at a fly-in, about 20 years ago, admiring an autogyro. The pilot of a plane parked next to it yells over to the pilot on the other side, "Hey, you got your helicopter in my airplane." The other guy doesn't miss a beat and replies, "You got your airplane in my helicopter!"
I sincerely want to believe that those guys didn't know each other or the gyro pilot, because otherwise it wouldn't be nearly as perfect a moment as if they were utter strangers at that moment.
"I shall never forget the disappointment I felt at that moment."
At about the same age, after extended pestering of my uncle at a family picnic, he let me have a sip of his Genesee Cream Ale. I was astonished how little it tasted like cream.
Not quite the same as cream soda, eh?
Similar thing happened to me and a Coors Light, the silver bullet, made from the cool refreshing mountain water or whatever that ad said.
My grandad was a devotee of cheap beer. At 12 he gave me my first Schmidt, followed rapidly by two more. Thus began the long descent to where I am now, although grampa probably wouldn't appreciate my snobbish tastes. I miss you, gramps.
"Whee! Si, Senor, I always wanted to ride an Amigo in the water!"
At first we weren't really comfortable with Steve's new white supremacist girlfriend, Becky. But when Steve pointed out Becky was so stupid she couldn't even get the salute right, we all laughed and laughed.
Hail Sitler!
Investigators later determined the vehicle was deliberately driven into deep water, the surfboards were mounted incorrectly for floatation, and the blonde drowned because she couldn't get the tailgate open.
It took only one small kelp pocket for Jim to realize the need for mandatory rear seatbelts.
No clever caption, unfortunately, but I am contractually obligated to comment on how much I want a 1st gen Amigo.
Me too.
This'n's right down the road. Damn my empty wallet.
http://fresno.craigslist.org/cto/3732008106.html
I saw a nice Amigo on a local Honda dealer's lot back in '09. I immediately whipped into the lot and checked it over—clean interior with no rips or noticeable wear, good paint, no dents or rust, bright aluminum wheels, good tires… I went inside and asked what they wanted for it.
…They said it was a cash-for-clunkers trade-in. I was gobsmacked. The salesman said he couldn't believe it either.
Gaaaa! I remember the junkyards after that. All that damned pink paint on ruined engines. Depressing as hell.
Found a photo I snapped with my cell phone. The paint wasn't grody, it was just a bit dirty.
<img src="http://tanshanomi.com/temp/0828091803-web.jpg">
I'd've been tempted to steal it.
I sat here and winced as I read that.
Don't buy one on an Impulse.
Heavens no! It shouldn't be getting up on an Impulse out in public to start with!
And don't sign the contract with your Stylus, or you'll look like a Rodeo clown.
A macho Bible gal.
edit: It's an anagram of "Beach ball. Amigo," Even gets the capitalization right. I was thrilled when it popped in my head 🙁
Awesome. Frickin' awesome.
The Isuzu Amigo is capable of carrying you and your open-air passengers across the oceans.* You have my word on it.
*He's lying.
Seconds later, a wardrobe malfunction and subsequent FCC inquiry ended Isuzu's pioneering foray into live advertising.
I only have one friend, I drive it daily. I had to pay these Amigo's to be seen riding in my friend.
Say hello to my little friend.
"The Isuzu Amigo is 93 percent less prone to roll over and kill us all than the Suzuki Samurai! Hooray!"
"I'm not cooped up in the back of a stinkin' Bronco II! Hooray!"
Warning: Driving in salt water will void rust protection warranty.
That's only half of the ad. The second shot, entitled "Beach Balling", was rejected by all mainstream publications.
Penthouse is a mainstream publication.
Alff – Noted submitter to the old Penthouse Forums
After months of market research and product launch preparation, someone thought to check the literal translation of the new product name.
All hell broke loose.
Armando the disgruntled intern was promptly fired and later sued, the vehicle’s name was hastily changed to “Amigo”,
and several commercial printers were faced with the disposal of literally tons of marketing material for the non-existent
Isuzu Gilipollas.
Dammit Clarissa! You're only supposed to do the fake lasso arm-extension thing on the Rodeo photo shoot!
Sylvia begged her friends to put the top down. For the rest of the day, they responded in kind.
…or…
On the way to the beach, Sylvia said she was looking forward to putting the top down when they got there. They were sorely disappointed when they realized what she meant.
…or…
When Sylvia enthused over the feeling of riding topless, her boyfriend pointed out that she was actually only strapless.
…oh, I give up. I know there's something clever in there somewhere; I just can't find it.
The Isuzu wouldn't be the only one to lose its top after the case of beer was done.
Sally felt the Impulse to cheer whenever she was around an Isuzu.
This movie poster has left an "s" off the main title.
Amigo = Friend
(optional 'friend' mannequin package shown)
His passengers were shouting Mu the whole time, but Amigo had no idea what all that Jazz was about.
<img src="http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c231/MentalMu1/jazz.jpg">
Yea you can take a sunbathe in our Amigo. But you'll have to take it the rear.
Unseen disclaimer: The Amigo is not actually a beach ball. Do not attempt to pass it out to spectators at a sporting event, or balance it on a seal's nose.