Classic Captions – The 1963 Mercury Monterey Custom Breezeway Hardtop Edition

Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post, and it’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising, dealer displays or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. I’m going to get a little nostalgic with this week’s image, which has quite a bit of a Mad Men Vibe to it, but we will take care of that in a moment
Last time we had an image of a Buick Wagon on a Ski Slope, and we seem to be steady as far as participation goes… so let’s review last week’s entries. Our runner up comment came from one of our regulars, Batshitbox, and it makes you think a bit… “I told you I was a mogul in the automobile industry!”That was very clever Batshitbox, but there was one caption that our readers like a little bit better…
And the winning comment was from another one of our regular readers, mdharrell. You know, at one time I used to have a Key Case, and this hit rather close to home… “Yes, we all agree a white key case to match the car was a perfectly sensible choice. The point is the keys are on that slope somewhere, so let’s go look again. It’ll be getting dark soon.” How many of you remember Key Cases in the first place? This was not only topical, but very retro, so congratulations mdharrell on winning this week’s Caption Contest.
It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and I decided to use another image from Alden Jewell’s Flickr Account, and decided to use this one for the 1963 Mercury Monterrey Breezeway Hardtop. This has that early 60’s Mad Men vibe to it, when smoking was not only acceptable, but encouraged. And what a great idea for a sedan in the first place, with the rear window that actually retracted a few inches to let stale air out, or to help in ventilation. With this feature, the Mercury stood apart from it’s Ford sibling, much more so than any other time before the Mercury Brand was killed off. Yes, I think this particular advertisement was compelling during this time period… Hell, I want one today. But what do you think the conversation was like within the Sedan between the occupants? (You can click here to see the full size image)
You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (So my dear, may I have one of your cigarettes per chance?), and we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this very interesting image.
Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream

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  1. $kaycog Avatar

    Congrats, mdharrell, on last week's winning caption. Here is a classic Buick for your prize.
    <img src=""width="500"/&gt;

    1. Irishzombieman☆ Avatar

      Nice job, mdharrell, and congrats! Enjoy these frosty beverages. Your keys are hidden amongst them.
      <img src="; width=300>

      1. mdharrell Avatar

        Good thing I steered clear of a white key case and went with a novelty one shaped like a beer bott….
        I guess I'll have to check them all.

      2. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
        Peter Tanshanomi

        F YEAH BUF'LO!

  2. PotbellyJoe ★★★★★ Avatar
    PotbellyJoe ★★★★★

    You stupid woman, $100 of cocaine out the window. LITERALLY!

  3. smalleyxb122 Avatar

    The back window rolls down? That must be the Dumbest Automotive Convenience Feature.

    1. Drzhivago138 Avatar

      Those are the words of someone who's never owned a Toyota SUV.

      1. smalleyxb122 Avatar

        It would appear that my sarcastic callback to today's Hooniverse Asks is not sarcastic enough. My apologies. Roll down rear windows are awesome. It's one of the very few redeeming qualities of the Del Sol.

        1. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
          Peter Tanshanomi

          No, I got it immediately. Dr Z. hasn't taken his wakey meds.

          1. Drzhivago138 Avatar

            Implying I take meds in the morning. You're not supposed to take them with alcohol…

  4. $kaycog Avatar

    Peggy thought she was supposed to blow it out the rear. She was actually told to blow it out her ear.

  5. Devin Avatar

    Mercury of Cypress Hill.

  6. Alff Avatar

    "I think she needs a valve job. In the meantime, Dear, please roll up the window."

  7. P161911 Avatar

    Taco night is much better now with the new Mercury Breezeway.

  8. Batshitbox Avatar

    Hooray for me! Thanks for the thumbs, kids. I was secretly hoping Jim would total up all the upvotes from the Telemark joke, but I think this was the wrong venue for that one. It slayed them in Banff!

  9. ReneM Avatar

    ooooo, the colors.

  10. Batshitbox Avatar

    The 1963 Mercury Monterey Custom Breezeway: Putting the cars back in carcinogen!

  11. Batshitbox Avatar

    Roll the window down and put it in reverse, driver! We want to hoover that cloud of dank we just coughed out!

  12. Irishzombieman☆ Avatar

    Why the hell was there an old, mint-condition Merc out here in the middle of the jungle on this uncharted tropical island? And who left these fabulous clothes in the vintage leather suitcases?
    Good questions, those, but lacking answers, Cindy decided to just enjoy this, the first moment of luxury since the plane had crashed. Ten minutes later she was dressed to the nines, sitting in the back seat with disposable-character Louis and enjoying a smoke from a pack of Dharmas she'd found in the glove box.
    Then a hundred trees broke in half, and the Smoke Monster came for them.

  13. 1977chevytruck Avatar

    A window to let smoke out? You would think the British would have though of that first. Alas, the cause of the smoke would probably prevent the window from working anyway…

  14. Mr. Motor Avatar
    Mr. Motor

    Can't help but play the lyrics "This girl is on fire" when it looks like the smoke is coming from her hair….

  15. mdharrell Avatar

    "Are you sure trading in the Turnpike Cruiser was a good idea, dear? I don't remember its Breezeway window motor ever smoking quite this much."

  16. Madoc Avatar

    "Eddie. Eddie- Mom and dad are doke smopers!"

  17. neight428 Avatar

    Please, Ms. Hamilton, do call me Mr. Marin. We're projecting a more corporate image after the success of our Boulder office.

  18. fodder650 Avatar

    "ok I've got the A done. A couple more cigarettes and I will have finished calling the u-haul truck for the flat Bob"

  19. VolvoNut Avatar

    Screengrab from dashcam video. The officer initiated the traffic stop due to the "overwhelming scent of Marijuana" coming from the car.