Classic Captions – The 1963 Buick LeSabre Estate Wagon Edition

Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post, and it’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising, dealer displays or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. Looking at the calendar (and a quick peek outside) it looks like we are currently in the middle of another winter season, and the image of a Buick Wagon illustrates all the fun you can have this time of year, but we will get to that in a moment…
Last time we had an image of a Malaise Era Mustang II King Cobra, and the participation rate was just OK, so let’s see if we can kick it up a notch, as this post is running a bit later than usual because of the Detroit Show Coverage. Our runner up comment came from one of our regulars, GTXcellent, and it was most excellent indeed: “Tails, I win – ha ha, you have to pilot this horrible, under-powered, fiery death trap.” “Well, that’s fine. But next time, I get to fly the autogyro.” That was very clever GTXcellent, but there was one caption that our readers like a little bit better…
And the winning comment was from another one of our regular readers, onrails. His caption was similar to GTXcellent’s caption (in fact, most of the other favorites were expressing nearly the same observations), but it went like this: “Listen – we BOTH had the same pile of leftover parts to work from, I just decided to make something that was attractive, fun, and useful. You’ll just have to take the car that you made.” This was also very clever onrails, so good job on winning this week’s Caption Contest.
It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and I’ve raided an image from Alden Jewell’s Flickr Account, and decided upon this image for the 1963 Buick LeSabre Estate Wagon. This was the time before GM used faux wood paneling for their wagons (that changed for the 1966 model year in which Chevrolet introduced the Caprice Wagon with Woodgrain to compete with the Ford Country Squire) and is actually a fine looking vehicle. One has to question why the Buick is on the ski slope in the first place. Is that handsome shi instructor giving private lessons to the trio of beautiful women, or is he trying to get a date with at least one of them? Is this really the way to sell a top rung luxury wagon in the 60’s? (You can click here to see the full size image)
You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (So, who needs a private ski lesson back at the lodge?), and we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this very interesting image.
Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream

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  1. PotbellyJoe ★★★★★ Avatar
    PotbellyJoe ★★★★★

    Celles-ci ne ressemblent pas à Grand Tetons à moi.

  2. onrails Avatar

    Thanks everyone! And a hat tip to skitter for "Beyond Thunderbird" further down the comments. That one made me choke on my bottle of water…

  3. GTXcellent Avatar

    How'd you ladies like a LeSabre ride? Can I show you my Nailhead? You'll be weak in the knees after feeling the power of my Turbine-Drive!

  4. $kaycog Avatar

    Congratulations, onrails, on winning last week's contest. Here's a Mustang II King Cobra for you.
    <img src=""width="500"/&gt;

    1. PotbellyJoe ★★★★★ Avatar
      PotbellyJoe ★★★★★

      Between her hair and this 'Mustang' their true roots come through to anyone who cares to look.

    2. Irishzombieman☆ Avatar

      Nicely done, onrails! Congrats! Enjoy this amazing brew.
      <img src="; Width=240>

  5. BuickButt Avatar

    "The LeSabre Estate wagon by Buick: Why not all three?"

  6. needthatcar Avatar

    So then, they pick up the bobsled and they carry it across the finish line. I shit you not, I was crying my fool eyes out.

  7. skitter Avatar

    Many, many decades ago, these beasts roamed the earth with our primitive ancestors. This one was found frozen, perfectly preserved, and engineers are attempting to breed it with the Ford Flex, which is its closest living relative.

  8. Alff Avatar

    "Kids, using the Graduated Length Method you will eventually be able to control the long ones, just like Dad."

  9. Devin Avatar

    "Now, the first mistake you made is not actually bringing enough skis for everyone."

  10. smalleyxb122 Avatar

    If you french fry when you’re supposed to NOT be sitting on my car, you’re gonna have a bad time.

  11. 7FIAT's Later Avatar
    7FIAT's Later

    Mark takes command of the group and is trying to convince the rest that skiing out is the only hope for surivival after their station wagon became hopelessly stuck in the snow and ice.

  12. mdharrell Avatar

    "Yes, we all agree a white key case to match the car was a perfectly sensible choice. The point is the keys are on that slope somewhere, so let's go look again. It'll be getting dark soon."

  13. HycoSpeed Avatar

    Poutine Portage…
    If there's somethin' grumblin' in your gut today
    Who ya gonna call ( Poutine Portage )
    If it's somethin' void an it won't fill up
    Who ya gonna call ( Poutine Portage )
    I don't really know what's in it
    I don't really know what's in it
    If you're seein' things runnin' thru your head
    Who can you call ( Poutine Portage )
    A hungry ache throbbin' in your gullet
    Oh who ya gonna call ( Poutine Portage )
    I don't really know what's in it
    I don't really know what's in it
    Who ya gonna call ( Poutine Portage )
    If you're all alone pick up the phone
    An call ( Poutine Portage )
    I don't really know what's in it
    I hear it likes the girls
    I ain't starvin' no more
    Who you gonna call ( Poutine Portage )
    Mm… if you've had a dose
    Of a freaky hunger, baby
    You better call Poutine Portage
    Eatin' makes me feel good
    I don't really know what's in it
    Don't get caught alone oh no…Poutine Portage
    When he comes through your door
    Unless you've just got some more
    I think you better call Poutine Portage
    Ooh… who you gonna call ( Poutine Portage )
    Who you gonna call ( Poutine Portage )
    Ah, I think you better call ( Poutine Portage )
    I can't hear you… ( Poutine Portage )
    Who you gonna call ( Poutine Portage )
    Louder – Poutine Portage!
    Who you gonna call ( Poutine Portage )
    Who you can call Poutine Portage… (till fade)

    Billy's new business was what it was all aboot that ski season…

  14. nanoop Avatar

    Ray and Egon were slightly disappointed how bad their first enterprise did: Nobody wanted to slide down hills of frozen ectoplasm.

  15. Guest Avatar

    We may be here for awhile ladies and we can't run the engine because the fumes will harm us. The only way to stay warm is…..
    Find the Buick LeSabre Estate Wagon (w/Matt Helm option package) at your local Buick Dealer

  16. fodder650 Avatar

    "Ok so if something gets in your way… turn"
    "You do realize this is a Buick on the K2 right?"

    1. texlenin Avatar

      Yeah, but do you realize the street value of this mountain!??!

      1. fodder650 Avatar

        One of my favorite lines from the movie. I wanted to include it but I couldn't find a way to make it fit without it feeling forced 🙂

  17. PotbellyJoe ★★★★★ Avatar
    PotbellyJoe ★★★★★

    Dave Stoller's French phase was getting tiresome for Mike, Cyril and Moocher. However Ray had given them a great deal on the LeSabre.
    (Sorry, letting my cyclist side out on an automotive blog.)

  18. wunno sev Avatar
    wunno sev

    The secret quest to increase CO2 emissions began when an embarrassed Buick engineer couldn't get his sister's cute friends over a snow-capped mountain.

  19. Batshitbox Avatar

    "I told you I was a mogul in the automobile industry!"

  20. Batshitbox Avatar

    "One word: Telemarketing."

    1. Batshitbox Avatar

      See… it's funny because it has the word 'telemark' in it. See?

      1. Batshitbox Avatar

        It's a kind of skiing.

        1. Batshitbox Avatar

          "Telemarketing!" Hah! See? Funny!

          1. mdharrell Avatar

            Whoa, slow down, wait a minute. I'm still lost at "mogul."

  21. VolvoNut Avatar

    What a misunderstanding!

  22. 1977chevytruck Avatar

    If there's something white,
    Falling from the sky,
    Who ya gonna call?
    If there's something slippery
    underneath your wheels,
    Who ya gonna call?
    I ain't afraid of no snow
    I ain't afraid of no snow

  23. Irishzombieman☆ Avatar

    It seemed like a good idea at the time–park the car at the bottom of the slope with a sign that said "Free Hot Chocolate". Good way to meet ski bunnies? Heck yeah! Biff had 'em lining up after every run.
    The plan's flaw came to light when the afternoon-session beginner class came barreling down the hill like an avalanche of drunken yetis and slammed into the side of the LeSabre like bugs on a windshield. As Biff drove home, in a car covered in red sticky stuff and brown sticky stuff and decorated with face-shaped dents, he thought about the Law of Unintended Consequences, and wondered how he'd gotten it all so very wrong.

  24. mac350 Avatar

    Ok girls, just sit on the warm hood of my good old rear wheel drive sleigh and keep your buns warm. After the lesson we'll go back to my room and throw a log on my fire. Not a log, I don't have a log. I mean you know. If I had a log, not in the sense that you think I said I did. Good golly. Tis the season to be merry.