By Jim Brennan
Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. This is a series of posts that are set to run this time each week, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week, it’s a marriage of convenience, but we will get to that later…
Last week, we had an image of the cast of the television show Mr. Ed, and all the responses played off that fact. The runner-up comment was from our very own Prize Mistress, $kaycog, and it went something lie this: “Mr. Ed can think of nothing neighgative to say about their new Lark, of course, of course.” This tied in the show’s theme song very well, so well done $kaycog.
However, it was a relative new-comer who stole the show (pun intended), and he goes by the screen name Paul E. This caption was the overwhelming favorite of the week, and it went like this: “The new Lark! Sticks to the road like glue!” This was very funny, and a great way to introduce yourself to the Hooniverse Family. Now, it’s time to set up an Intense Debate Account, so we can follow your pithy comments throughout the Hooniverse as well as our sister site, Atomic Toasters! So congratulations Paul E on a well done Classic Caption.
It’s now time to take a look at this weeks image. This is an advertising image for the 1961 Lotus Elite, in a setting that looks like a man is trying to marry the car. There is a Priest (Minister, Vicar, Whatever) with a bible in his hands, a beautiful bouquet of flowers on a plinth, and what appears to be the groom, in the finest of wedding attire. I know some men carry the love of their car to great lengths, but this seems extreme. So, how do you think the marriage will be consummated? (on second thought, don’t answer that) I wonder if it is legal in the UK anyway. And what could Lotus be thinking when this idea for an advertisement was floated before them in the first place? (You can click here to see the full size image)
You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate entries, and after contemplating our own caption, we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this very bizarre image.
Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream
Kamil Kaluski 
Robby DeGraff
Congratulations, Paul E, on your winning caption! Here's a Studebaker Lark of your very own.
<img src="http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/233/9/2/you_shake_my_nerves_and_you_rattle_my_brain_by_princess_akiyara-d4gigr8.jpg"width="500"/>
The car? Wow. The woman? Gak!
I agree.
I disagree. Totally my type.
+1 for you!
She's just not Mr. $kaycog's type.. 😉
Huh, I guess there's no accounting for taste.. Kind of looks like someone I know, probably because of the same colour of hair, tattoos, and dress.
Her deviantArt profile seems to have a lot of car photos, maybe this is more to your liking.
<img src="http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/299/d/d/studebaker_03_by_princess_akiyara-d4e2n68.jpg" width="600" </img>
Also it is just me, or does someone else think "devian tart" and not "deviant art" when reading deviantart?
I'd like to thank my friends, my fellow Hoons, the Academy, ol' Paint, Wilbur and the judging firm of Whinny and Thud for the honor…
I'll go with the car sans the girl; she's a bit too Stude-ly for my tastes! On the other hand, I'll pick up that St. Pauli Girl on the way home!
Thanks, everyone!
Paul E! That was awesome!
A brew for you, hombre!
<img src="http://www.stpauligirl.com/images/dark.jpg">
"And this, son, is how you came to be."
– Jeremy Clarkson's dad
From the company that brought you the Elan, Elise, Eleven, and Elite…The new Lotus Elope.
Finally, a bride that won't complicate and add heaviness.
Hop-ons are no longer a sin.
Do you promise to love, honour [sic], and cherish? Through sickness or health, tight esses and wide sweeping corners?
" If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, Lotus speak now."
In the name of The Holy Trinity, I cast out the demons that possess this car. Out, I say!
Given that it's old and British, an electrician is probably a more efficient way of doing that.
Or a chimney sweeper.
The picture was cropped for advertising purposes. Present to the left of the groom, and unseen by you the reader, stood Colin Chapman himself, holding a shotgun.
The wedding of Sir John Lucas, Lord of Darkness, and the Lotus Elite was a splendid affair. In fact, Sir Lucas even arranged for the lights in the chapel to all go off at the time of the ceremony, leaving only the altar illuminated.
"Oh, baby, what I'm gonna do with you later…"
"And you thought it wasn't possible to show up wearing leather to our wedding"
Dave would soon find that after marriage, it would become much more difficult to get a ride.
Confucious says, :"He who f*** tailpipe, have hot rod".
"Mawwage …"
Everyone agreed that the bride was (wiring) smokin' hot.
The relatives were slightly shocked in the beginning, but after a while, they realized his qualities.
"Seriously honey?! You brought that damn car to our wedding?!?"
"Well technically she's in the wedding my dear. Now please stand juuuust a bit further to my right, I just waxed her."
You know what the headline was the day before the election, "Candidate Kane found in love nest with quote, Singer, unquote." He was gonna take the quotes off the Singer. Mostly by pointing out that it's a Lotus.
The Lotus Elite for 1961. Every car comes from the factory with last rites administered to save you the hassle of resurrecting Lucas wiring and British steel.
Until I read the write up, all I saw was funeral…
In the tradition of Reginald's family, the marriage was consummated in the Lotus Position.
While he was standing patiently waiting for those final words "you may now shift the bride" Arthur could'nt help but smirk as his bride to be's roof resembled the ministers balding dome.
Unbeknownst to Mark, his supposedly pure-as-the-fallen-snow bride was anything but: Not only had she previously posed for Motor Trend and Sports Car Graphic (including an on-the-hoist-looking-up shot in the former), but she was also a former dealer demonstrator.
Jim's long ignored friends knew he had been running with some Elite company for some time, but until now didn't know quite how bad it had gotten.
The 10 year anniversary photo:
<img src="http://www.stanford.edu/~pkrejcik/jag.jpg" width="300">
The 20 year anniversary photo:
<img src="http://www3.amherst.edu/~sasauter/sasauter-Thumbnails/24.jpg" width="300">
The widow:
<img src="http://www.curbsideclassic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Previa1_edit.jpg" width="300">
"Here by I´ll declare you man and car, untill the dark prince aparts"
A dream, svelte lines, leather. The promise of a wild ride.
Your fate, bankrupt and living in a garage, hopes dashed.
And then there was that damned Lotus.
As time went by, Reginald would see his fashion sense vindicated, as his choice of 'black bar' sunglasses became all the rage with the New Wave crowd. But this small victory of prescience was overshadowed as the repair bills piled up and his beloved's addictions to oil and fuses became apparent. "Why?" he would cry out, "why, oh WHY didn't I ask for a prenup??"
Sir John had the wedding photos redacted as he didn't want to let his wife and the rest of the world know he was a bigamist, shacking up with the Princess of Darkness. Not long after the bloom was off the rose and the warranty expired, her high beams quickly flickered and faded, her spark more and more intermittent, pungent Lucas smoke billowing off her brow. Years later, she was a fiberglass shell of herself, wires crossed and shorted, dooming him to life in his garage, never seeing the light of day again.
Another marriage doomed by a high maintenance spouse. So sad.
It's a mistake, they said. Plastic body parts will never get you anywhere, they said.
"Do you take this Elite for worse, for poorer, for sickness til death?"
Not only didn't the bride wear white, but her jewelry was a bunch of obvious knock-offs.
A trophy wife, and a wife with trophies.
When he told his parents he finally found bride that would encourage his love of long hikes in the country they were glad…. if only they had known.
Their children and grand children went off to have a fine career modeling for album covers.
<img src=" http://www.jpc.de/image/w600/front/0/509975107602…
<img src="http://www3.vitrola.com.br/fotoProduto/gr/87831066.jpg”>
Nice trade in.
"Yes, YES!!! Ahem, yes Sir, this will work quite well as a tithing."