Classic Captions – The 1961 Chrysler Newport 4-Door Hardtop Edition

Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post, and it’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising, dealer displays or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. New England is about to get a major Blizzard, and I thought I would celebrate this occasion with a Winter Scene, but we will get to that in a moment…
Last time we had an image of a Breezeway Mercury with the retractable window, and the participation rate was less than stellar… I swear, the images I think are going to pop seem to just fizzle… so let’s review last week’s entries. Our runner up comment came from one of our regulars, P161911, and it was a different take on why you might open up the back window… “Taco night is much better now with the new Mercury Breezeway.” That was one of the funniest comments all year P161911, but there was one caption that our readers liked a little bit better…
And the winning comment was from a relative new-comer to these parts, 1977chevytruck, and he tied in smoke to something British… “A window to let smoke out? You would think the British would have though of that first. Alas, the cause of the smoke would probably prevent the window from working anyway…” Ah yes, the old reliability of British Electrics… Not very Topical, but very funny none the less, so congratulations 1977chevytruck on winning this week’s Caption Contest.
It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and I can’t seem to find ot where I found this image in the first place, though you can purchase the advertisement here. This is a Winter Scene featuring the 1961 Chrysler Newport 4-Door Hardtop, and I thought it was appropriate for the Blizzard of 2015 we are experiencing here in the Northeast right now… This ad is very retro in its feel as far as winter sports goes, with none of the nylon and other man-made fabrics on the models that seems to be a staple of every ski resort across the country. Yes, I think this particular advertisement was perfect for the period, and I really think it was a great way to sell a relatively mundane sedan… So, how would you have arranged the shoot to look even more appropriate?
You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (Lucy’s ski lesson… Day One), and we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this very appropriate image.
Photo Credit: Vintage Adventurers

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  1. Irishzombieman☆ Avatar

    Woohoo! Nice job, 1977chevytruck! Congrats on your most excellent caption!
    'Tis the season–'tis always the season–for Irish beer. Here's two good ones for you.
    <img src=""&gt;

    1. PotbellyJoe ★★★★★ Avatar
      PotbellyJoe ★★★★★

      mmmm,… Half and Half….

      1. Vairship Avatar

        I hear that tastes good in coffee!

    2. $kaycog Avatar

      Congratulations, 1977chevytruck, on your winning caption! Here's a lovely classic Mercury for you as shown by the equally lovely Rita Moreno.
      <img src=""width="500"/&gt;

      1. 1977chevytruck Avatar

        How you doin', pretty Mercury lady? Now why do have a pair of scissors in your han….

  2. PotbellyJoe ★★★★★ Avatar
    PotbellyJoe ★★★★★

    Shit, it's your crazy aunt, she must have been following us. Damn, why did I have to buy such a unique vehicle. Get low, get low Susie. We'll have to ski our way to safety.

  3. Irishzombieman☆ Avatar

    While Christine's little sister Emmy Lou lacked her sibling's murderous tendencies, she was, after all, a born predator, and still liked to chase people down and run them over. She satisfied this desire by only doing it in the snow, where the probability of recovery was much higher than it had been on gravel.

  4. GTXcellent Avatar

    "Nah, we don't need four wheel drive" you said.
    "Let's drive something cool and funky instead" you said.
    "Hey, let's try this mescaline, kidnap a little boy and drive up to the top of the Murderhorn" you said.
    I'm done listening to you. Quit staring into the sun, strap those Atomics on and lets go home.

  5. $kaycog Avatar

    "You kids be careful now so you don't break anything. This new Chrysler already cost me an arm and a leg."

  6. onrails Avatar

    "No one look at the car! Look at my hands, the horizon, your skis, anything! Just don't look at the car! If we ignore it, maybe it'll leave us alone."

  7. smalleyxb122 Avatar

    The fresh Chryslers for 1961 are Alive With Pleasure!

  8. Devin Avatar

    "Will you help me find my sunglasses? I know I dropped them around here somewhere! Yes, the big ones with the flat top, you would think they would be easy to find."

  9. mdharrell Avatar

    "That's the idea, but bow lower, like this, or Ullr, son of Sif, Servant of the Glorious One, will surely smite us all. I think he wants our car."

  10. skitter Avatar

    Dave: 'I told you we didn't need a ski lift when we've got a Mopar! Didn't I tell you, son?'
    Rita: 'What's the plan now?'
    Dave: 'We ski to the bottom, then use the car to drive back up again!'

  11. 1977chevytruck Avatar

    Snowpar or no car!

    1. 1977chevytruck Avatar

      Also: Snowpar people, Snowpar parts

  12. Batshitbox Avatar

    "It's an intermediate run. It's marked with a big blue square."

  13. smalleyxb122 Avatar

    …and she began to wonder what it would be like if her Chrysler had skis. She approached the people at Chrysler with the idea, and it was dismissed as purely a flight of fancy.
    Seven years later, when Chrysler introduced the Sno Runner, she remembered the thought, and brought suit against the automaker. They reached a settlement entitling her to a percentage of the profits.
    She thought a share of the profits was fair enough, until she found out that the Sno Runner was sold at a loss, and with each sale, she owed Chrysler two dollars and some change as her share of the negative profits.
    Mercifully, the Sno Runner was only sold for 4 years, but legend has it that Nancy still owed Chrysler fourteen dollars at the time of her death in 1986.
    <img src=""width=500&gt;

  14. Skink Avatar

    Squat like the car, Billy. Hold the poles so they point straight back like the car's tail fins. Hold your mouth open like the car's grill opening. When you turn the same shade of blue as the car, go to the chalet and Mom will give you some hot chocolate.

  15. El_Martillo Avatar

    "Maybe there is a clue underneath that will tell us how it got here without leaving tire tracks"

  16. facelvega Avatar

    Skiers find mammoth of another era preserved intact in Alpine resort