By Jim Brennan
Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. This is a series of postings that are set to go off around this time almost every Tuesday (when I’m able to produce these postings), so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. I really like this type of imagery (50′s Vintage Advertising) so see if you can come up with a clever caption for this amazing image..
Last week, we had an image of a Disco Era Plymouth with a swinging couple, and the comments were all pretty interesting, so let’s see who managed to create the best caption. There was this comment from OA5599, who managed to tie in a very racy (and quite sickening) viral internet video with the image, and it went like this: “2 Girls 1 Coupe”. Um, thanks OA5599, I almost managed to forget about ever seeing that video…
But is was Alff (Yes, again!) with this very amusing observation: Later, the girl in blue confided to her friend, “Yes he’s got A-plus hair, but only a B body.” Very clever Alff, as you managed to have a very relevant tie-in.
It’s now time to take a look at this weeks image. This is a period advertisement from Chrysler showcasing the 1957 Plymouth Belvedere. Remember, there was a time in which Americans never really needed the SUV to go off road, as this Plymouth Sedan seems to be headed. It looks like a typical Nuclear Family of the 50s, with Mom and Dad taking Junior to discover the vast horizon. Along the way, they ask some Cowboy for directions… So, where do you think they are heading? Do you think this family wanted to know where the nearest Dude Ranch is? Is Dad completely lost and can’t find his way back to civilization? And what the hell does this have to do with a Car Ad anyway? Only you can answer these questions, so you have the next 5 days to come up with a truly memorable caption, and I know you will. (You can click here to see the full size image)
The editors will then go over each entry, and after re-living our own Wild West Fantasies (or Nightmares… either way) we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this vintage image.
Photo Credit: Captain Geoffrey Spaulding’s Flickr Photostream
Kamil Kaluski 
Robby DeGraff
Excuse me sir, could you point me towards the closest car wash to get your horse's crap off my wheels?
Yeah, your cousin Ennis and his friend Jack are playing around up ahead in those shrubs. Go surprise 'em!
Holy Christine, look at that belle view there!
Yay, Alff! Good job! Your prize this week is a Plymouth Roadrunner as shown by this lovely lass.
<img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6154/6139686513_f339f222d7.jpg"width="500"/>
Thanks, 'Skay. My brother-in-law the kiltmaker will like this one.
Alff! Da man art thou! Nicely done!
You might want to share this Stone Old Guardian Barleywine. It's excellent, but strong. One bottle knocked me silly.
Sláinte!
<img src="http://d2qdgu53yc9lue.cloudfront.net/deal/de_1824_lg_v1.jpg" width=350>
Thanks!
Have you tried this? I did recently. Although I doubt I'll ever have another, I'm glad I tried it as a novelty…
<img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_A_opcg_BeKs/TLTWAF1md-I/AAAAAAAABw8/eon20mTgvnE/s1600/Southern+Tier+Creme+Brulee+Imperial+Stout+2.jpg"width=500>
That sounds delicious!!! Congratulations "again" by the way! <img src="http://www.liquorlockerla.com/wp-content/uploads/Martel-Cognac-Cordon-Bleu.jpg">
I've not, but would buy it just for the bottle if I saw it. Will keep my eyes open next trip to Bevmo.
I do love a good milk stout… Is it just caramel notes on top of that?
That's what I expected, but it smells and tastes like Creme Brulee. Sticky sweet.
That big opening between her legs can only mean one thing…Recall wheels FTW!
You're naughty. 😀
"I'm sorry sir, we only allow Fords on the Argosy backlot."
"Over yonder is your new home where the buffalo roam. It's a dirty, dirty house."
"And right over yonder is Motel Hell."
I don't know about your son's dog my friend, but I buries all my dead hookers over yonder!
Cactus Jack: If'n you take the next cactus to the left and follow that down to the ol' Johnson place, you oughtta be able to find the road from there. Can't miss it. Say…how did you folks end up out here anyway?
Charming Jones: Sir, thank you very much for your kindness. My husband here was just trying to calm the boy down by finding somewhere bumpy enough to feel like he was riding a horse.
Cactus Jack: Well, just head to the ol' Johnson ranch and you'll be fine. Miss that though, and you'll run into Nervous Elk and his tribe, so's y'all be careful, hear?
"Yeah, the ranch ain't far – just 5 miles as the crow flies. Head up yonder past the Chrysler stuck in the ditch, take a left at the Dodge with the broken axle and go straight on for a couple miles when you get to the Pontiac with the overheating radiator."
"Yep. Mah ranch is the biggest in the county, goes over to that bluff on the horizon. Now get the hell off it."
This is the LAST time we let Little Jimmy Dickens navigate. Which way back to the highway?
"And over there are the earmuffs."
"Uh, earmuffs? No, those are goggles, sir"
I spent last weekend in Austin. Thanks for not driving on the same roads I was on.
I decided to just take a pedicab everywhere from now on. For safety.
Christine's older sister Betty attempts to send the Rogers' family off the cliff.
Yeah sure you can get some delicious home-cured meat at a roadside gas station just up that-a-way!
Yep, nice family that runs the local slaughterhouse, so it's fresh.
Y'all might be lucky enough to get an invite to their homestead!
"Y'all will have to go over yonder if you wanna find someone who gives a damn."
Radiator Springs is just over thata way.
I’m sorry, folks. Flavor country is one town over.
I was going to make a comment about looking for Marlboro country but you beat me to it.
So you're telling me that the old west is gone, and 1958 is just around the corner?
"Yep, you can get there, but you're gonna need a Raptor."
These two lesbians were well ahead of their time, even going so far as to adopt a kid in 1957! Unfortunately, their car was not as ahead of it's time, and they're stuck in their Plymouth Belvedere because they apparantly thought they were driving a Subaru.
Dad innocently asks the exceptionally charming cowboy where he could get a tow because the Belvedere broke back over the mountain.
Sir, I'm trying to give you directions out of the canyon. Would you please stop sniffing my horse's ass?
"Nuclear family? Head right yonder about 50 miles, straight toward the mushroom cloud on the horizon…"
Horse-led car tours of the old west never really took off like he thought they would.
"Okay, mister, you see that purple, two-headed giraffe over yonder?"
"Um… no…?"
"It's right there, just past the yellow Ooompa Loompas and their flying monkeys."
"… You okay, pal?"
"Look, it's simple. Just caress the emu panda across the shotgun carousel until the butter sings."
"…………. Thanks, sir, we'll find our own way back to the highway."
"Bubblegum rain!"
After car breaks down
Driver, "I think we're going to need an engine."
Cowboy, "There's the chief right over there."
"Sólo tienes que seguir este camino. Usted se queda bloqueado. Entonces mis amigos puedan robar y robar su mujer."
"Honey, I think we went too far south….."
"No honey I think we are just fine here"
He said after reading the translation.
The right side of Roy's upper lip lifted in a sneer as he watched the morons disappear into the distance, following his erroneous directions back to the Interstate.
"You shoulda bought a squirrel," he said to the wind, then turned his horse toward the liquor barn.
Wow, a rat race reference. And here I thought I was the only person who ever saw that movie…
Funniest plot-less movie ever. Best watched with a good buzz going.
Agreed.
Fred, quit yapping with the cowboy and roll up your window! His horse just farted!!!
"Christopher Hewitt's Ranch? That's the Neon house isn't it? Well take a Voyage'er over in that direction past the circled Caravan. Your little Scamp there is gonna love the place. They've got themselves a ton of Colts. Don't worry yourself though while he's playing with the horses you can just watch yourself some of that new fangled Satellite TV"
Suddenly, it's 1860.
"Make a left turn at Albuquerque."
Damn! Beat me to it.
"Yup, we chased them all the way over there. Still can't help but think that someday they'll get revenge on us by making us change our college mascots."
Thataway's Tulsa. You might not want to go there. I hear they're itchin' to bury Plymouths in the ground and leave 'em there for fifty years.
I was thinking of that, too.
"Y'all must be new to this advertising thing. I can tell because your car is way too clean for this western scene. Now don't make it worse by looking at the camera. Quick, the photographer is about to take the shot- Everyone look over there! "
"Race yah to the next cactus"
The choice for reliable transportation in the west, or you can buy a plymouth.
Rustproofing? Yeah, just head thataway and ask for the Mojave Desert.
Aaron Severson? He's over there. Hope you don't mind that he already started without you, I think Part 3 will be up shortly.