By Jim Brennan
Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. This is a series of posts that are set to run this time every Tuesday, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. I seem to be fixated on late 50s Chrysler Sedans, so maybe it’s time for you to participate, so I can get out of this rut…
Last week, we had an image of a family in a Fury, and the comments were both well crafted and quite funny. One of our longtime fans, Alff (Yes, again…), threw out this incredible caption: “Yeah, the ranch ain’t far – just 5 miles as the crow flies. Head up yonder past the Chrysler stuck in the ditch, take a left at the Dodge with the broken axle and go straight on for a couple miles when you get to the Pontiac with the overheating radiator.” Yes, it was funny, but not one of his best.
The winner this week was from smalleyxb122, who penned a caption which paid homage to the old Marlboro Cigarette advertisements: “I’m sorry, folks. Flavor country is one town over.” This was very clever, so congratulations once again smalleyxb122!
It’s now time to take a look at this weeks illustration. This is an advertising image for the 1960 DeSoto Adventurer, and I chose it as my way of saying “Winter is no longer welcome!”. What is odd is the number of scuba divers surrounding the DeSoto (Nine of them!!!). They are all getting dressed to go out into the surf, but what are they planning? Is this some sort of club outing? And does this image make any sense whatsoever. (You can click here to see the full size image)
You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate entries, and after watching countless episodes of Sea Hunt (with Lloyd Bridges), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this great Maritime adventure
Photo Credit: Captain Geoffery Spaulding’s Flickr Photostream
Kamil Kaluski 
Robby DeGraff
Yay, smalleyxb122!! Your prize is this Plymouth Fury, named Christine, as shown by this female, named Roxy.
<img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3e3U7RGXsck/UQhtwptMz8I/AAAAAAAAHFI/5kukAYF7geY/s1600/Roxy+Vandiver+%26+Christine.jpg"width="500"/>
Woohoo, smalleyxb122!
Something a little different this week: Angry Orchard Elderflower Hard Cider. Crisp, refreshing, festive and excellent. Stay thirsty, amigo.
<img src="http://beerpulse.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Angry-Orchard-Elderflower-Hard-Cider-6pack.jpg" width=400>
She should be wary in that position, lest she get the Moochie Welch treatment.
Throwback die-hards refusing to touch a Mopar product without protective gear and a six-foot pole.
"Thank God there are illustrated instructions on how to change a flat tire. Otherwise, we would never figure out how to use all of this to jack-up the car."
The divers were less than intrigued by the beached blue whale, despite its impressive fins.
The 1960 DeSoto Adventurer – more than a land yacht, it's a dive barge.
The members of Seal Team 9 couldn't decide which was worse, having women in their unit or all being forced to ride in a Desoto due to budget cuts.
Bob and Mary cowered in the back seat until the strange frogmen disappeared over the dunes.
Alright, before we start, everyone remember the safe word?
… and remember, stay out of my new car. I don't need the interior covered in seamen.
The full body condom trials just didn't work out. It took to long get the thing on at which point all the rubbing made it pointless anyway.
Artichoke.
Nope, not the treasure we were looking for. Put it back.
Bob, wouldn't it be easier just to put plastic covers on the seats.
"We're going to be called Adventurers when we all go down at the same time."
"Is everyone here prepared for a blown head? Good, now what should we do if the car breaks down?"
The car-thing just sat there, immobile, like cars normally do when not in use.
Like Venus flytraps do, also. Like tigers, sometimes.
Then a strange slurping sound filled the warm afternoon air, and suddenly Jordy's pants were gone. The sound again, and Gina's pale legs were exposed to the world. Pandemonium followed, as the be-wetsuited beachgoers were one by one chased down by the demon car and left wearing nothing but Speedos and bikinis.
The car belched, long and low and full of vibrato, then moved on, it's hunger for neoprene sated only for the moment.
I think you may seen to many old B movies from the fifties and sixties.
Early favorite authors were Stephen King, Douglas Adams and Kurt Vonnegut. I believe massive doses of these three at a formative period of my life sorta defined the information handling processes controlling the IZM gray matter supercomputer.
Though it could've been Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes, too.
I'm also guessing you were a fan of MST3k.
Would've been, had I had cable. I never saw it until it was off the air, dang it.
All the MST3k episodes are up on Youtube in one piece without commercials.
http://goo.gl/RZLgC
EXCELLENT!
Use this and you can even watch them in order. Although if you have been away from it for awhile. I'd say start with season 3 and work your way up from there. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Mystery_Scie…
The 1960 DeSoto Adventurer seats 6 dry, 9 wet
suited.Unfortunately our scuba swingers' day out was ruined when June demonstrated her lack of speargun safety awareness and Chet bled to death all over the back seat of the DeSoto, which had quickly sunk into the beach after Fred floored it in a total panic. But at least watching a man bleed to death from a gut wound prepared me and Hank for the horrors of Vietnam, which of course we dodged by fleeing later that year to a small town in British Columbia.
Damned autocorrect. Driver’s car! A real Driver’s car!
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8527/8614133812_6cb4c4b2a7_m.jpg">
This was the 1959 version of autocorrect:
<img src="http://image1.masterfile.com/em_w/02/79/57/846-02795769w.jpg"width=500>
For those like me, who couldn't see the picture:
http://image1.masterfile.com/em_w/02/79/57/846-02…
You took me beyond giggle. My thumbup may be with you.
Took me a minute but that was awesome. Well done.
Goin' for two!
Delightful! DeLovely! DeScuba for 1960!
The Diabloik auditions will be starting in thirty minutes.
Emilio Largo's henchmen are brought to you by DeSoto. Remember, if you're going to threaten geopolitical stability for fun and profit, do it in a DeSoto!
I was trying to find away of tying in Largo, a famous Bond villain if ever there was one, but the movie (Thunderall) was released in 1965, making this DeSoto almost 5 years old…
I was thinking Thunderball too, but of course was beaten to the punch. They loved implausible scuba battles so much they Never (Say Never) did them Again!
De Soto Adventurer: Nemo approved.
De Soto, the official car of the International Association of Rubberists.
" I can't wait until they invent photoshop! This car beside me is as large as a battleship but the front fender comes up to my knee. I think those Mad Men at the agency were drunk again, the perspective is off.
1960 DeSoto: Jacques Cousteau says oui!
<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lav3g4Wkyq1qzdvhio1_r2_500.jpg" width=500>
"The El Segundo Latex Fetish Club prepares for an afternoon of frollicking in the surf followed by various water sports and fudge packing in the back seat."
"Let's get out of these suits, I'm roasting out here. Hope this DeSoto's got air-conditioning!"
The new Batmobile was quite the hit at Gotham Beach.