Your Next Project Car: He Loves Me and He's Coming Home Edition

Stig, go easy on him, he's just little!
Stig, go easy on him, he's just little!

For those of you unfamiliar with the Your Next Project Car series, allow me to introduce you: I have no garage, limited tools, zero storage space, and a Volkswagen. This means I am wholly unable to start on a new project car, and in fact am restricted in my ability to work on the project cars I already have.
To that end, I am forced to live vicariously through you, our commenters and friends. Today, we — and by “we”, I mean “you” — are going to right a great wrong committed to an automotive icon.
Okay, maybe “icon” was a bit of a strong word.
Fans of Top Gear — and if you’re not, you can just leave now — will of course recall the trio’s epic African adventure. Perhaps the true star of that program, even more so than the three regular hosts, was a little fellow named Oliver.
For those who can’t recall, Oliver was a 1963 Opel Kadett which Richard Hammond purchased for £1500. It proved to be the only one of the three able to complete the majority of the journey across Botswana from the Zimbabwean to the Namibian border. Of course, it was soundly trumped by the classic Volkswagen Beetle, but that’s beside the point. The little Kadett proved itself as capable at endurance racing as anything else out there. Or… at least, it proved it was more capable than a Mercedes 280E, or a Lancia Beta Coupe.
And that’s exactly where our problem lies. While Oliver certainly distinguished himself in his cross-country trek, his competition wasn’t really up to the task. So his glorious victory — with the exception of the Beetle, of course — will forever have an asterisk next to it, much like, you know, those guys in baseball who used steroids or something. I don’t know, nobody cares about baseball up here, so I can’t pretend to be able to make a good analogy on that one.
So now, your mission, should you choose to accept it — and you do, without debate, is to prove Oliver’s capabilities without dispute. You are to remove the asterisk so firmly planted there by the hosts of Top Gear in their horrible choices of competition. And now, due to a massive stroke of luck, you too can bask in the opulent luxury of your very own Opel Kadett. Better yet, you can have three of them! Oh, and eight Opel GT’s, if you can spare $1500. Total!
Of course, there is the minor issue of the fact that the seller doesn’t provide you with much in the way of information:

I have inherited these cars from my father and have no way to restore them. I would like to see someone get them that can put them to good use. I dont have specific details about every car. Some cars are relatively complete, others are strictly parts cars. I also have alot of parts to go with these vehicles as well. Shoot me an emasil if interested and I will try to give out more specific details over the phone.

But no matter, your cause is higher than a little bit of confusion due to a vague posting. I’m sure you’ll be able to work out the details through some careful cryptology (or a phone call, if you’re lame), and soon you’ll have a working Oliver with which to fight the good fight. And maybe a half-dozen Opel GT’s as well, if you’re lucky.
Well? What are you waiting for? Get to work!

An Oliver Wagon? Be still my heart!
An Oliver Wagon? Be still my heart!

With eight bonus GT's! What a deal!
With eight bonus GT's! What a deal!

Special thanks to BGW, aka General Liverfailure, for the heads-up!

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  1. Maymar Avatar

    It's times like this I curse my suburban lifestyle. 13 Opels would probably fill my back and front yard.

    1. Deartháir Avatar

      This is only eleven Opels. Shouldn't be a problem, you might even have some space left over!

      1. Maymar Avatar

        Ugh, I did a King Arthur-esque rounding to 5 Kadetts. Still, if I'm getting into the Opel hoarding business, I need room for a few Mantas, right?

  2. joshuman Avatar

    Eight is probably the right number. One solid runner and seven to keep it alive. Outfit the wagon as a tow and parts vehicle.

  3. BGW Avatar

    Only the fact that I live in the city with fairly limited parking and vehicular storage options has saved my neighbors from watching these rotting hulks delicate time capsules slowly disintegrate appreciate in value before their very eyes. Well, that and a wife who'd rather me use $1500 to, y'know, pay property taxes.
    I've almost called the seller multiple times to ask just how that many Opels, never a prominent ride even in the more populous parts of this state, ended up out in Lee-Grant territory.