Velocity Trumpets and Offenhausers

If new cars came with engines that looked like that, they'd sell in huge numbers. Just sayin'.

Okay, so it’s not actually a true Offenhauser engine — which I’m working on a proper article about — but rather Offenhauser parts on what appears to be a standard small-block Chevy. Nevertheless, it’s a damned pretty sight.

The overall impression is gorgeous.

The vehicle itself has maybe just a few douchetastic touches — okay, quite a few — but the overall aesthetics of the mechanical side are just gorgeous. It’s almost as if the builder should only be allowed to touch the parts that make it go, and be required to hand it off to someone else from that point.
I could daily-drive that.

And look! Totally functional for odd jobs.

But that’s just nit-picking. Trying to pretend that I wouldn’t jump on this in a heartbeat is nothing more than laughable posturing. I’d rock it so hard, it wouldn’t know what hit it.

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  1. PrawoJazdy Avatar

    I see you've met a member of my horn section. They only drink Royal Purple, you'll see here in our Rider.
    12 pairs of Hanes Tube Socks (unopened for the handlers)
    (2) 24 packs of Royal Purple
    (3) Bottles of Meguiar's NXT generation car wash in the wash bay err… dressing room shower stall
    (2) 8 oz. cans of turtle wax brand car wax
    (17) Good Year Eagle RS-A Tires
    (2) 16 oz bottle of GM Glass Cleaner
    (1) 12 oz bottle of X-TRA Duty spot remover
    After the show we will require a cool garage to relax in. Garage must be kept no warmer than 70 degrees Fahrenheit. Will also need 2 bottles of Dex-Cool (orange) for our radiators.
    All demands must be met or we will not perform. Seriously… I won't even turn the ignition over.
    Prawo Jazdy and the Velocity Trumpets.

  2. discontinuuity Avatar

    I believe that's a Chevy 409:

    1. OA5599 Avatar

      Giddy up.
      [youtube xKKP_cZuk54 youtube]

    2. Mike_the_Dog Avatar

      Dang it! That's what I was gonna say. Props for beating me to it.

  3. jim-Bob Avatar

    It's not a standard small block Chevy. Instead it is a 348/409, which was Chevy's first big block. It's actually a very unique engine in that the combustion chamber is in the block rather than the head and as such requires special machinery to machine the block during a rebuild. It made it's passenger car debut in 1958 and was only used in cars until 1965 when it was replaced by the Mark IV 396.

    1. Deartháir Avatar

      I was pretty sure most of the commenters here would be able to identify this beast far better than I. As I said below, Chevy engines are not exactly a priority for me, so my knowledge is lacking in that realm, and as this post was completely generated on my iPhone, trying to screen-hop to identify it online was just not feasible. Thanks for the clarification and an awesome answer!

      1. Jim-Bob Avatar

        Not a problem and it is an obscure engine today like the Ford MEL or AMC 250/287/327 and most younger enthusiasts have likely never even seen one (I'm 37 and hate thinking of myself as old but…). I'm just a bit odd though and prided myself on knowing most of the post war V8 engines made in the US while I was in High School in the late 80's.

  4. muthalovin Avatar

    The John 3:16 sticker completes this mess. I would daily drive this to church.

  5. FЯeeMan Avatar

    "Do you know her?"
    "Yes, I Offenhauser."
    Sorry, lame joke from the local radio morons a few years back.

    1. PrawoJazdy Avatar

      Don't you ever apologize. I laughed a hearty laugh.
      And damn that pop-up that says I already voted on this comment. I want to vote again.

  6. Mike_the_Dog Avatar

    I've got some pics of an Offyed Slantie somewhere in my Flickr stream. I'll send a link when I get around to finding it.

  7. texan_idiot25 Avatar

    Tsk tsk tsk, how can you be a hoon and not recognize those valve covers, and head?

    1. P161911 Avatar

      Maybe we should add a "mystery engine" feature instead of just Mystery Car.

  8. Joe Btfsplk Avatar
    Joe Btfsplk

    Today, engines are all made of dark gray plastic, aren't they?

  9. Thrashy Avatar

    Only marginally related to the topic at hand, but could somebody who's more familiar with American V8s than I explain something? I've always been puzzled as to the way many American-designed engines, especially V8s, have such dramatically staggered exhaust port spacing. Most of the engines I'm familiar with have symmetrically spaced ports. Is it something to do with routing of fluid passages in the head?

    1. Smells_Homeless Avatar

      That's a very good question, really. You'd think the best design would consist of one perfected cylinder repeated over and over again. On the other hand, if engine designs had went that way from the beginning, every rod would look like it had a Ford 302 in it. Does anyone have a real answer?

  10. Mike_the_Dog Avatar

    Earlier Chevy smallblocks (and the 348/409) have siamesed ports because they're easier (cheaper) to package. Big blocks and Ford V8s have symmetrical ports because they breathe better. This is a gross oversimplification that somebody will fault me for sooner or later.

  11. citroen67 Avatar

    What an awesome engine! If I could stand to be behind the wheel without vomiting…I would SO love to forcibly penetrate that power-plant into an unsuspecting Prius, just so I could drive it around and watch all the tree-huggers spontaneously combust!

  12. el grande Avatar
    el grande

    That motor is wearing the new Edelbrock aluminum heads available for W motors. It is fascinating that Edelbrock would spend the money to engineer a head for such a niche market, but having been around a few of these mills that received the E-Brock heads, they can make huge power. A buddy has one that put more than 600hp to the wheels of his car on the dyno a few weeks back.
    The induction on this one is visually cool, but is not as good as a pair of 4bbl carbs on that same tunnel ram intake. Tuning those Weber IDA carbs for street dury can be a royal pain in the ass. A pair of Holleys and a box of jets would have you rocking and rolling in no time!
    Neat mill….and since others have busted your aggies for calling it a small block, I'll leave well enough alone.

    1. Deartháir Avatar

      Meh, it's a Chevy engine. Does anyone really care which one? They're all the same.

      1. PrawoJazdy Avatar


  13. texan_idiot25 Avatar

    She's so fine, my 409!

  14. Smells_Homeless Avatar

    If I were a betting man (and I am) I'd bet on Edelbrock aluminum heads with vintage Offy valve covers.

    1. Smells_Homeless Avatar

      And I see that I was beaten to the punch. Read the whole damn thread before responding, Smells.