The Post In Which Graverobber Bids You Adieu

I know what you’re thinking—where in the hell is the question of the day? Well, I’ve decided to usurp my weekday query post for some important news—I am stepping back from my staccato-like posting schedule here on Hooniverse. Yep, as part of a push to reinvent the site as an Alt-Right Gay Porn portal, I’m giving up talking to you fine folks on a daily basis. Also, I may have gotten some faulty intel on that whole Alt-Right Gay Porn shift, we’ll just have to see.
Enough about me however, let’s talk about you. First and foremost I’d like to thank you for the years of active engagement, kind and intelligent discourse, and understanding when things didn’t always go as planned here on the Hoon. I want you to know that all the stuff I offered up was intended to keep you, our beloved readers, entertained, engaged, and maybe even educated every now and then. A better group of commenters doesn’t exist, and I consider myself fortunate to have been a part of it… or maybe I should say, be apart of it. You see, I’m giving up the daily grind, but I’ve been graciously told by Tim and Jeff that I can continue to drop in every now and then and post something, and I’ll assuredly take them up on that offer. You probably would like to know more about the reasons for my curtailing my exposure here, and for that, we’re going to have to make a jump.
Still with me? Good. Okay, the reason I’m cutting back on the posts is because I’m pretty much burnt out. It’s been a lot of fun bringing you weekly banalities like Track Tuesday, Craigslist Crapshoot, Thursday Trivia, and the Mystery Car, not to mention the Daily Question and our closer every weekday. The thing of it is, it’s also been a heck of a lot of work, and I’m ready to take a break. That’s the only reason for my decision. 
This of course gives the Hoons in charge the opportunity for additional changes, and I think in the weeks and months ahead you’ll see a shift in content on Hooniverse, as well as some updates to the site’s look and feel. What won’t change is the sense of camaraderie and hopefully family that we all try to engender. It’s all good and I’m excited for what the future holds for the Hoon. I’m definitely sticking around to see how things pan out.
Okay, a few things that I think I should close out before finally signing off. First off, I am—sadly—no longer the owner of a Volvo. Due to some juggling in our driveway, our 1998 Volvo V90 is now gone. My daughter shed a tear upon its departure as it had become a beloved steed for her over the past couple of years. Fortunately, it went to a good home.

You might also note the Ford Five Hundred parked behind the Volvo and recall that I had that car up for sale a while back. That car also went to a good home after spending a day on a semi-busy street with a For Sale sign in the window. It had been a trusted daily driver for 11 years and 160,000 miles, but it was time for something different. How different? How about a 2016 Volkswagen Jetta Sport?

I bought that car used with 2,800 miles on the odometer and about five-grand off the list. I wanted something smaller, and I had liked the 170-bhp 1.8-litre ea888 engine when I drove it at a media event so that’s what I bought. When I told Jeff, he asked what sorority I had joined. I told him it was Glukka-Effa-U.
We have also recently replaced my wife’s ’05 Sienna Minivan with a 2016 Honda CRV  and I have to say, this is the top-selling mid-size crossover? It’s okay, but has a really shitty entertainment system and kind of cheap plastics in places. Also, there’s a surprising lack of storage for what’s considered to be a roomy contender.
Oh well. We also have a 1999 Audi A6 Avant that I bought from a friend and then offered to my elder daughter as a daily driver. We discussed that roll of the dice last year too. I’m happy to report that she loves the car and it has capably comported her to her new job and back—30 miles each way—without issue for the past 5 months. In total she’s added 12,000 miles to the car in the year we’ve owned it. I’m heading out tomorrow morning to have it fitted with a new set of Continental tires too.
My 1971 240Z , 1974 Jensen Healey, and 1961 Austin Healy Sprite still beckon  from the garage, and maybe now that I’m cutting back on the writing I’ll actually have time to dive into each of those project cars.

I can guarantee that should I make any major progress on any of them that you will be the first to hear about it. My efforts here will be severely curtailed, but should I have something of interest to report, I’ll get back oin the saddle. I’ll also keep up with Nice Price or Crack Pipe over on Jalopnik, so I’ll hopefully see you there too.
Be well, make yourself and the people who are important to you proud, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.
Peace to you, brothers and sisters.
Images: ©2017, Robert Emslie, All Rights Reserved

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51 responses to “The Post In Which Graverobber Bids You Adieu”

  1. Alff Avatar

    Happy trails, Robert. This is the end of an era, and I thank you.

  2. 0A5599 Avatar

    Don’t be a stranger.

    1. Rob Emslie Avatar
      Rob Emslie

      According to my kids, I couldn’t get any stranger.

      1. 0A5599 Avatar

        I have an acquaintance who told some of us about a need to step back for more time for personal stuff. According to the headlines a couple months later, it was to clear the schedule for a lengthy prison stay.
        I hope you make a quick return.

        1. Vairship Avatar

          So he actually *did* rob a grave? 😉

      2. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar

        Nothing of him that doth fade, but doth suffer a sea-change, into something rich and strange.

  3. GTXcellent Avatar
    Now get out in that shed and get to work!

  4. Sjalabais Avatar

    Oh, that’s a sad post. You’re good at what you do, so thanks for now & I hope there’ll be more here or somewhere else.
    Does the frequency of comments, which has become lower here lately, have had any influence?

    1. Rob Emslie Avatar
      Rob Emslie

      It wasn’t the commenting, which even when sparse was engaging. It was just a desire to do something else with my time.

      1. mzszsm Avatar

        Good roads Rob and clan, thanks for the years of good times.

        1. Rob Emslie Avatar
          Rob Emslie


  5. Maymar Avatar

    So long and thanks for all the fish content!

  6. dukeisduke Avatar

    Well, good luck Rob. My comments haven’t been as frequent, but I’m lurking every day. I don’t know if Hooniverse gets any money from Blipshift, but I’m doing my part there – I just got the Escort RS2000 (“RS2K”) shirt in the mail the other day – it’s like my sixth shirt from BS.
    I’ve always enjoyed your work here, and I’m looking forward to seeing your future project updates.

    1. Jeff Glucker Avatar
      Jeff Glucker

      We’ve respectfully parted ways after they spent a lot of time and money advertising with us. Still love them, and we’re happy to hear of folks spending money there.

  7. Lokki Avatar

    I was lucky enough to learn my lesson about writing in my sophomore year in college. I took ‘Creative Writing’ as an elective. Our professor set what we thought at first was a pretty low bar: show up at class every day with 300 coherent words. That sure as hell cured me of any illusions that writing is easy.
    So, while I completely understand, I’ll remain amazed and jealous by what you’ve done here, and I’ll miss ya.
    I do still dabble at writing sometimes though – not trying to steal any of your thunder- so here’s one of my better pieces:

  8. acarr260 Avatar

    I’ve been lucky enough to have interactions with you since Murilee’s time at , before you started doing NPOCP. I wish you all the luck in the world on your project cars. I hope to see you from time to time here. The place won’t be the same without you.

    1. Dabidoh_Sambone Avatar

      I’m still butt-hurt over my car’s NPOCP buggering at the hands of Jalopnik’s basement dwellers. You’d think 220hp K20 Insights grow on trees for free if you read the comments. To be fair: Emslie is a great humorist. The commentariat rabble over there, not so much.
      Re. butt-hurt, the alt-right gay porn Hooniverse pivot sounds intriguing but won’t lessen the pain of Graverobber’s departure.

  9. engineerd Avatar

    Ok, now that I got that out, let me just say that I completely understand. I was just thinking a while back about all you do here and at Redacted and how you must be part machine. Our online friendship goes back many years and seeing your regular posts here will be missed, but I sincerely wish you all the best. If you ever decide to sell the Sprite…

  10. Tiberiuswise Avatar

    Joining Mitch in Galt’s Gulch no doubt.

    1. Deartháir Avatar

      We’ve already set aside some time for spooning.

    1. dead_elvis, inc. Avatar
      dead_elvis, inc.

      Well put! And uncharacteristically succinct.
      Though if the 1 pic = 1000 words maxim holds true and scales up, maybe not! 😉
      Seems like maybe it’s time for some more frequent longrooffan content here at the ‘verse?

  11. Hillman_Hunter Avatar

    Mr Emslie, thank you for the years of entertainment. Silly and fun, and sometimes informative discussions on this page, plus the weekly frustration of Mystery Car, have been a huge and welcome distraction from the real life work grind. All the best in your future endeavours!

  12. theskitter Avatar

    Thanks for your tireless work making this a great place.
    Don’t drive like my brother.

  13. Bj Ruland Avatar
    Bj Ruland

    *sniff*, Good bye, and thanks for all the fish.

  14. Han_Solex Avatar

    Happy trails, Rob. Welcome to the alumni club. Would you like to make a donation?

    1. Maymar Avatar
      Are you allowed to tell us plebes if you have classy smoking jackets in the alumni club?

      1. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar

        Wait a minute! I didn’t get a jacket!

  15. tonyola Avatar

    I’ve been reading Graverobber’s contributions since the fun and cool days of Jalopnik in the 2000 decade. He’s gonna be seriously missed.

    1. Jeff Glucker Avatar
      Jeff Glucker


  16. XRSevin Avatar

    Good luck! When I read one of your pieces, I always felt like I was listening to a friend (if my friends were much smarter and cooler.) Happy Motoring.

  17. dead_elvis, inc. Avatar
    dead_elvis, inc.

    It’s been real, and it’s been fun, but it hasn’t been real f– waitaminute, it’s been a hell of a lot of fun and this place will be more than a bit poorer without you! Glucker & Co will be challenged to fill your spot with some equally entertaining writing (but I’ve got plenty of faith that the overlords will come through). Glad to know you’ll still be NPoCPing over at that other place.
    Happy wrenching more & writing less!

  18. 1984resident Avatar

    Wow…replacing 3 cars in a year? This blogging gig must be really profitable Graverobber! All kidding aside, thanks and hope we still see you at the Jalop – and last question, the Ford Five Hundred/taurus at 160K miles – any good? I’ve heard discouraging things from the their CVT Transmissions as the miles pass…can you recommend? or not? Any issues!

    1. Rob Emslie Avatar
      Rob Emslie

      Regarding the Five Hundred: it was one of the most reliable cars I have ever owned. It didn’t have a CVT, instead it had the early Ford six-speed transaxle, before they went into cahoots with GM on a common gearbox.
      The things I had issues with on the car were premature rear brake wear – really weird on a FWD car; a power steering pump that went bad; a EGR valve that needed replacing and was pretty expensive; and A/C that lost its charge and needed annual re-pumping. Oh, and the driver’s side seat heater went out on it. Other than the seat heater which I never bothered to fix, I repaired or replaced all the failed parts myself.
      It was rock solid and way comfortable. I never did replace the struts, which it needed owing to age, but that’s something for its new owner to do. I’d guess it would be good for a few K more, I just wanted something smaller and that got better than 20 mpg,

  19. Rust-MyEnemy Avatar

    Graverobber fades out.
    Leaves us asking, how will we
    Know when day is done?

  20. P161911 Avatar

    I remember your daily responses to NPOCP. Some of the best writing I have seen online. It was hard to keep from cracking up at my desk.

  21. Gee Nick Avatar
    Gee Nick

    you deserve a rest

  22. Tomsk Avatar

    Thank you for all the chuckles, guffaws, and “huhs,” Rob. Best wishes for whatever comes next, and I hope we don’t have to go too long between doses of you on the ‘Verse.

  23. Fuhrman16 Avatar

    This is how I feel right now.
    But best luck with all your future endeavors Rob!

    1. CraigSu Avatar

      Wait, you feel like you just got caught peeing on the carpet? That’s a strange reaction.

  24. Rover 1 Avatar
    Rover 1

    A Spridget AND a Jensen Healey in the garage and you found time to do ANYTHING else?
    My hat is doffed.
    Also, you will of course be missed, although I suspect we’ll still hear from you. Thanks for all this.

    1. Texlenin Avatar

      To be honest, setting them both on fire with “Lucas MAGIC SMOKE” doesn’t take too
      terribly long….they almost do it by themselves……

  25. ptschett Avatar

    As with cars, so with jobs – both can be part of a person’s life for a long time, and both sometimes need to be changed up to keep everyone involved happy. Best wishes!
    (Also… Alt right whaaaat? Sounds like those chemicals in the water really *are* turning the frickin’ frogs gay…)

  26. wunno sev Avatar
    wunno sev

    sir: you have been a treasure for a website i treasure, and i thank you for it.

  27. jeepjeff Avatar

    Take care, Robert, I’m looking forward to seeing you pop by occasionally. Thanks for everything you’ve done for the site.

  28. dr zero Avatar
    dr zero

    I’d like to join in with everyone else and wish you the best. You’ll be missed.

  29. Batshitbox Avatar

    Thanks, Rob! See you in the funny pages!

  30. njhoon Avatar

    Mr. Emslie you will be missed! It has been a pleasure reading your posts. Do check in especially about the sprite.. Enjoy your new found free time.

  31. mdharrell Avatar

    Oh, man, I go away for a couple of days and this happens. Best wishes, Rob.

  32. Monkey10is Avatar

    Living a few timezones away I often started my Hooniverse day with Last Call and read Hooniverse Asks as the sun went down — but your prolific contribution to this site will be missed by me.
    (As with all the writers here: It was not just what you posted each day when the copy deadline struck but also your engagement in the comment threads — responding, correcting, challenging, defending and all around making our own low-grade snark and half-remembered automotive anecdotes seem classier than we deserved.)

  33. Texlenin Avatar

    Via con Dios, Me Hermano!!