The Police Crookhook, Designed to Stop Hoons

Cue the stereotypical cheesy line from Wolrd’s Wildest Police Videos: “I’m Sherriff John Bunnell, when a police officer is in pursuit, the stakes are raised when a crook is on the loose. His driving behavior is not just sloppy and dangerous….but fishy…looks like we’re gonna have to hook him him up”…” lalalalalala. Ladies and gentleman, hoons and hoonesses, cops and speeders, take a look at patent 5,839,759: the CrookHook. We all know there’s the pit maneuver, fishtail maneuver, spike strips, and all sorts of hoonerific ways (James Bond smoke screen or oil slicks anyone?) to end a high speed pursuit. Now there’s a new and stealthy way to safely end pursuits before they even happen. The hook looks just like a push bar on a standard police interceptor, you know, the ones you see being used to push those cars off the road when they run out of gas. Except this isn’t just any ordinary push bar…this one folds down like a pair of claws and can grab onto the back of your vehicle. I don’t know about you, but if I saw some cop car flying up towards my rear-view mirror with sirens blaring, blueberries spinning on top,  and two claws in the attack position ready to just own me, I’d be a bit scared.

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Supposedly this new technology deploys quickly and grabs onto your car’s lower back frame. Worried about it puncturing the gas tank and causing a Ford Pinto like explosion? No worries, It approaches and grabs the car with just the right amount of pressure to not pierce through that metal tank of petrol. Rather the CrookHook just skims  it, and slides back to bite that rear frame. Using the police cruiser’s weight and braking power, the CrookHook should be able to slow the fleeing car to a stop. The only thing I’d be worried about, is some Officer Butter Hands, missing the exact grab hook point, and then hearing your rear bumper saying “sayonara buddy,” as it snaps off and flys down the highway at 70mph. I think this is a fantastic idea created by someone passionate about police safety. Someday I hope to see this implemented onto more police squads. I could just imagine some training video for it, a hot red Dodge Viper pulls up to a light and starts revving up, a squad car pulls up next to it and lowers its CrookHook….the Viper turns right. Check it out!   

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