When Guglielmo Marconi died in 1934, leaving a world that was much poorer in terms of personalities, but oh-so-much better off in terms of the transmission, reception and interpretation of electromagnetic wave-forms; on his deathbed he was heard to utter “I wish I’d spent more time reading R.A-S.H”.

French cars are an almost sure-fire hit here on Hooniverse, sometimes for their quirkiness, sometimes for their relative obscurity and sometimes for actually moving the game on a bit. And sometimes for being gawd-blimey, nuts-to-goodness, must-stop-eating teapots, my trousers are made from bacon insane crazy mad.

It’s the CX.

“One of the worlds great cars”

The CX had a seventeen year model life. These days most cars manage 5 to 7 years, so it must have been doing something right. The first challenge it had was following up the DS and ID models that went before that (which itself lasted twenty years), and the Traction Avant before that. Which lasted twenty-three. Citroen weren’t in the business of making rash decisions.

“While around it have grown a plethora of derivative designs, some of whicjh seem to have sacrificed style and individualism in persuit of aerodynamics, the Citroen CX remains a startling piece of machinery to look at”

No word of lie, here. During its long lifespan the CX only recieved gentle nips and tucks on the outside. Metal bumpers were replaced by plastic ones and alloy wheels were, inevitably, in attendance which meant the unfortunate demise of the big chrome dustbin lids with a hole in which added to the visual party. Magical features like the convex rear windscreen, the long, curvaceous bonnet, the concave rear screen and the teardrop shape, all in the name of aerodynamics.

This is all great, worthy, necessary stuff, but it does make for a slightly boring brochure. Everything written here is, basically, true. It reads more as a dissertation or a thesis than an inspirational appetite-whetter. It speaks of the CXs achievements, its actual benefits.  It explains how turbocharging works to enhance power and efficiency, and how intercooling helps still further. It offers very, very little to dicuss from the perspective of hyperbolics, and even less to straight take the piss out of. Until you get to this bit:

“With experience, Citroen have developed still further the ergonomic layout of the detailed controls and instrumentation.”

Yes, ergonomics, the study of how to best adapt a system or environment to most efficiently be interacted with by a human. The same series of studies that should have, in the first few hours of day one, told them not to install the radio vertically between the front seats in such a way as the read-out was upside down to the co-pilot.

This 1987 brochure is for the final evolution of the CX. During the ’80s the previous gauges, which each took the form of a drum of numbers revolving behind a magnifying glass, and which would scurry indecipherably to-and-fro in a useless blur under heavy acceleration or should something break, had been replaced with ones with actual hands on, like everybody else used.

But Citroen took great pains to stress that, though the CX had moved with the times, some things were sacrosanct and would resist alteration come hell or high water

“The direction indicator, thoughtfully placed within instant reach of the steering wheel, is still not self cancelling”

Where everybody else was using a lever on the steering column that you would flick in the direction of travel by extending one finger from the wheel, the CX had a big black rocker-switch you had to make a concerted effort to both deploy and remember to defeat. That said, it was a set-up that motorcyclists would probably rapidly become familiar with, and there was a lot of sound thinking in the fact that literally all the controls surrounded the steering wheel.

(Whoa; exposure fail. Sorry!)

The CX 25GTi Turbo 2 had an amazing name. Equally awesome, though, was the performance:

“Acceleration from 0-60mph takes just 7.7 seconds. Top speed is 138mph”

Designed for a compact rotary engine that never made it into the CX, the car was hamstrung by not having a great deal of space for engine under that long, shapely snout. The four-cylinder lumps all hung way forwards in the overhang and, though size crept up gradually to 2500cc, bigger engines just weren’t to be. Fortunately, with the turbocharging and intercooling they were so proud of they could eke 168hp from that mill. Not an amazing figure by todays’ standards, but allied to those aerodynamics every one of those ponies was converted into forward momentum.

CX 25DTR Turbo 2 Safari is also a fantastic name. And an incredible looking machine. From a technical standpoint there is some justification in Citroens’ proud prose:

“Arguably the CX is the only large estate designed for the job from the ground up”

By virtue of the legendary and much-vaunted Hydropneumatic suspension and all the various tricks it brought with it (variable ride height, self levelling, anti-dive under braking, anti-lift under acceleration),  the longroof variants of CX could manage a full payload up to 720kg. This was, in fact,  “a greater payload than any other estate in Europe” could cope with.

The Familiale version which measured in at the same five-metre length, squeezed an extra row of seats in by changing the pitch between rows, economy-class style. All CX estates were enormous and able to carry massive volumes of stuff at up to 120mph, with pillowy, feather-soft ride, just don’t let the self-centring steering catch you out.

“This must be the ultimate diesel estate. Such, at first sight, apparently conflicting requirements as utility and luxury, speed and economy, have been resolved in this model”.

I can imagine the Paris branch of Ghostbusters squealing around the Peripherique  in a red and white CX estate. And, spoofed paranormal activity aside, I’d quite like to do that, too. CX is one of those cars I’d love one of my friends to own, so I could get some enjoyment out of it without being affected by the ownership costs. And if that never happens, well, at least I own the brochure.

(Disclaimer:- All images are of original publicity material and were taken by the author, in his kitchen this time. All copyright remains property of Citroen, who need to go crazy again just one last time. Lets finish on the commercial starring Grace Jones. She’s mad, too)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULB2EoYdE38[/youtube]