Ode to the Pinto

Wait... is that Bo Duke in the background, posing with a Pinto?
Wait… is that Bo Duke in the background, posing with a Pinto?

And now for something completely different.
I get songs stuck in my head a lot. As I do, they tend to morph into new songs based on the things I see around me. Sometimes I write them down. Usually, when I do, people ask me not to.

Unfortunately for you, I never listen; so without further ado, Ode to the Pinto, or: On Pinto, In Melancholy.

‘Twas several years ago, an oil crisis hit our lands
We found that our consumption had thrust change into our hands
But “Never fear!” the makers cried,
“We have a great replacement ride!”
What luck we have to get to drive a Pinto!
This little car claimed driving joy without a compromise
A large car’s luxury compressed into a smaller size!
The catch came quickly to the fore
If another car compressed it more
How wonderful to get to drive a Pinto!
To ward off European competition was its role.
Though not as planned, it nonetheless succeeded in its goal.
The Germans did not fall from grace,
But Japanese cars took their place
Oh don’t just blame the undeserving Pinto!
Perhaps you’re right, that isn’t fair, there’s blame to go around.
The other makers’ offerings were hardly very sound!
But nonetheless it helped to prove,
We won’t just follow every move
By makers building cars as bad as Pinto!
Now thirty years have passed and many lessons have we learned.
We’ve showed the automakers that respect, it must be earned!
And they’ve showed us that they have heard,
By letting us be Caliber’d
A car that’s almost better than the Pinto!
So now the automakers claim that they don’t understand
Why all their current offerings are univers’lly panned.
The designers, we all need to force
Into a Hooniversity course
And never see again crap like the Pinto!

Mad_Science is right. No Pinto poetry is complete without an explosive finish.
Mad_Science is right. No Pinto poetry is complete without an explosive finish.

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  1. Tim Odell Avatar
    Tim Odell

    Your tome lacks an explosive finish.

    1. Deartháir Avatar

      You are absolutely right. Is that better?

      1. Tim Odell Avatar
        Tim Odell

        Remind me to add you to the Xmas ham distribution program.

        1. Deartháir Avatar

          Is it distributed with a cannon??

          1. Tim Odell Avatar
            Tim Odell

            Trebuchet, constructed from leftover car parts.

  2. Maymar Avatar

    The Pinto may not have been great, but I still want a Cruising Wagon, or one with a V8 swap.
    I also have a friend who once figured out that between his dad and uncles, his family had owned something like 27 Pintos through the 70's and early 80's.

  3. engineerd Avatar

    I dated a girl in high school who's father raced Pintos. He said they were a great race car since they were light, could take a 302 with little trouble, and had a decent suspension as a starting point.
    For obvious reasons, and not just because of class rules, he used a fuel cell.

  4. CptSevere Avatar

    As I’ve said before, and will probably say many times again, the Pinto holds a special place in my heart because I learned to drive in one. A ’74 wagon. It put up with all kinds of abuse from my teenage ignorance, experimentation, and just plain hoonery. It really was a stout little car, a workhorse. I won’t go so far as to say I want another one, but it did its job well.

  5. TechieInHell Avatar

    Congrats, your little lightshow borked newsgroper.