Last Call: …And Get Off My Lawn Edition

As society crumbles and lawlessness runs rampant, there’s only one true hero who can protect us from the heinous villainy of Blue Subaru Man, and that’s the Vigilante Suburban Sign Maker.
Last Call indicates the end of Hooniverse’s broadcast day. It’s meant to be an open forum for anyone and anything. Thread jacking is not only accepted, it’s encouraged. 
Image: Imgur

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  1. Batshitbox Avatar

    “You say the man was young? And the Subaru was… blue? No I don’t need to know what kind of music it was, just the facts, ma’am. You say it was loud? I see… well, that narrows it down a bit.”

    1. I_Borgward Avatar

      “John Lee Hooker? You don’t say, ma’am. Well then. Do you recall what he was wearing? Can you give a visual description of the driver?”

      1. I_Borgward Avatar

        “Well, that certainly paints a picture, ma’am. You also mentioned a large spoiler, wing kind of thing on the back. And headlights that were too bright. Do you remember what color those might be?”

  2. PotbellyJoe★★★★★ Avatar

    They would do this in Hillsborough, NJ but it would just say, “As in apply the brakes until your vehicle is not moving forward. Then when it is clear to enter the roadway safely, you may use the other pedal.”
    Stop signs aren’t even yields in Hillsborough, just red shapes that tell you to do whatever you can to get ahead of oncoming traffic.
    It’s one thing when I’m in a car and i feel like they cut it too close, but I’ve been nearly run over by rather large SUVs who were only looking to make sure the road was clear enough to jump a stop sign, only to realize they weren’t paying attention to other types of transportation.
    I want to put a sign up that says “PHOTO ENFORCED” just to see if it stops some of the idiots.

    1. Sjalabais Avatar

      Hillsborough, Dashcamistan, Russia?

  3. Sjalabais Avatar

    Volvo’s hiring hundreds of new labourers because the XC90 is selling way better than expected. Hourly production is to be raised from 50 cars an hour to 60 cars an hour. Yes, that’s a 20% increase. Good!

  4. 0A5599 Avatar

    When I was 11 years old, somebody had knocked over a neighborhood stop sign. My friends and I stood it back up, but a day later it fell down again. When we tried to stand it up again, we discovered the base was severely weakened where it had creased. A few more back and forth cycles snapped it completely off.
    So we had our own portable stop sign, already mounted to a pole. We would move it to random places in our quiet neighborhood–sometimes not even at an intersection–and observe drivers encountering a new traffic control on a very familiar road. More than one driver didn’t notice the sign in time to stop in front of it, but stopped beyond it, then backed up to stop at the “proper” place before proceeding.
    I’m pretty sure none of the people who did that were driving blue Subies.

    1. Sjalabais Avatar

      Cool! When I got hit by a car as a boy (nothing severe, but it was a stupid, “blind” and fast driver), a couple of friends and I started to hide in the bushes and flash a camera without a film in it, while holding a piece of red paper over the flash. It turned out to be a lot of fun. Some people really hit the brakes hard, others appeared to just wake up behind the wheel. When we were chased by an angry guy jumping out of car for the third time, we decided to drop this game though.

  5. Rover 1 Avatar
    Rover 1

    Other companies have spent fortunes making ‘world cars’ but they always fail because the same size car means different things in different markets.The Mondeo was a big car in Europe and too small in the USA. A Corolla is a Police car in Thailand and college transport in America.
    But Subaru nailed it.
    Worldwide, a Subaru has one buyer type, one driver, and most often, one colour. Worldwide, any country.$(KGrHqMOKjUE5Rgp,4WeBO(g2CsEV!~~60_35.JPG

    1. Krautwursten Avatar

      If the Mondeo/Fusion is too small in the USA, why is the almost identically sized Toyota Camry the country’s best selling non-truck?

      1. Sjalabais Avatar

        We have an ’02 Camry and without googling numbers, the Toyota feels much wider than the Ford. A bit like Citroën is trying to out-wide its relevant class competition.

      2. Rover 1 Avatar
        Rover 1

        I’ve edited my comment to say ‘first’. That’s why I originally used the past tense ‘was’. 🙂

  6. Cameron Vanderhorst Avatar
    Cameron Vanderhorst

    Do you think busybodies will ever realize that this sort of thing serves only as encouragement to the Blue Subaru Men of the world?

  7. smalleyxb122 Avatar

    Am I the only one who read that sign in the “Carol Channing” voice from when she fought Mike Tyson on Family Guy?

    1. Rover 1 Avatar
      Rover 1