I Buy My Wranglers With a 94-Inch Waist

Robert Emslie

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Comments

Here’s a 1980 Jeep Wrangler from eBay with a starting bid of $5,000. Nothing special you might say- sure it’s jacked up, it has some pretty big knobblies, and it’s fire engine red, big deal. Well, it just so happens it is a big deal, and you’ll see why after the jump.

Um, yeah. . . that would be the reason. This Wrangler has been widened more than Octomom’s. . .well, you know. Sporting an additional 10-inches in width over a standard YJ, this uberJeep, at 94-inches, is even wider than a Hummer H1.

All that extra width gets you both lane dominance and the bragging rights that you’d need to dial long distance to talk to your passenger.  The fact that it’s only a two-seater only increases its insanity factor. Under the phat hood is an equally phat 454-cid V8 and plenty of room for another should that not be enough, and oil-change access is of the duck-your head rather than lie down variety.

Inside it’s full of molded plastic racing buckets, a cage, and enough diamond plate that it could be a girl’s best friend. One girl who is not to friendly with this phat Jeep is the seller’s wife, who has apparently laid down the law that it’s time for him to stop playing with the Jeep and start getting busy with her, as she’s ready to get phat herself, as in preggers that is.

All is not perfect in Phat City and there’s still some loose ends to tie up on this project off-roader. The transfer case currently needs to be engaged from below the truck, so an in-cab lever needs to be installed. There’s also the matter of the brake light switch and the lack of a back window, but the biggest drawback maybe the fact that the truck is untitled, making its roadability less capable than its off-road prowess.

They say every-thing’s bigger in Texas, but this Florida-based Jeep stands in dispute of that claim. Perhaps a Lone Star state purchaser will bring it home, correcting that oversight.

eBay. Thanks to theallpowerfulme for the tip!

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Robert Emslie

Robert Emslie

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  1. JeepyJayhawk Avatar
    JeepyJayhawk

    Ow ow ow, brain trying to crawl out of skull…

    Reply
    1. citroen67 Avatar
      citroen67

      I could almost say that the front shot of this thing looks like a product of Photoshop, had it not been accompanied by all the other pics. I wish that it was only a Photoshop. I really like Jeeps too much to ever do something like this to one of them.

      Reply
  2. Mike_the_Dog Avatar
    Mike_the_Dog

    Maybe I'm being overly dense here, but I don't see the point.

    Reply
  3. ZomBee Racer Avatar
    ZomBee Racer

    Why?

    Reply
  4. longrooffan Avatar
    longrooffan

    There isn't one.

    Reply
  5. Mike_the_Dog Avatar
    Mike_the_Dog

    Fair enough. I can respect that.

    Reply
  6. mdharrell Avatar
    mdharrell

    Indeed, there doesn't need to be one.

    Reply
  7. soo΄pәr-bādd75 Avatar
    soo΄pәr-bādd75

    This is a kind of neat idea, not quite executed to its full potential.
    First of all, you can make a 2 seater out of Wrangler without adding any width at all, and it would be much more capable off road. This would be cooler if it were made to carry more people, with a column shifter and bench seats front and rear, or 6 buckets. This is a missed opportunity.
    Secondly, Those little pizza cutter wheels look ridiculous under there. Not to mention the way that thing must handle, being so wide on such tiny tires. Put some meat under those fenders there, boy! A 305 section width would make much more sense. The bigger tires would accomodate off-roading better as well.
    Third, take a look at that front bumper. The rear was made to span the entire width, but the front looks like a regular width bumper just schlepped on there. WTF? Half-assed work sucks.
    I could pick it apart more, but why? In general, it's just not right. I'd rather a TJ Unlimited with a nice lift.

    Reply
  8. Han_Solex Avatar
    Han_Solex

    My brain just quit in protest. So wrong …

    Reply
  9. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
    FuzzyPlushroom

    See, I figured they'd just dropped it on a modified K5 platform – so I had the "huge Chevy V8" right, but I was very much not expecting it to be this much wider.
    Damn. That's awful.

    Reply
  10. Tomsk Avatar
    Tomsk

    If I want a wide track and eight-lug wheels, I'll stick with this, thanks.
    <img src="http://image.highperformancepontiac.com/f/15359543/hppp_0906_06_z+pontiac_bargain+1961_ventura.jpg&quot; width="640" height="480" />

    Reply
  11. Fej Avatar
    Fej

    I have a headache and my nose started bleeding, is that bad? Should I be worry around this, me not thinking so good thoughts my head in…

    Reply
    1. JeepyJayhawk Avatar
      JeepyJayhawk

      Deep breaths… quick look at this…
      <img src=http://artfiles.art.com/5/p/LRG/26/2652/9FOMD00Z/david-perry-hot-rod-pin-up-girl.jpg>

      Reply
  12. CptSevere Avatar
    CptSevere

    The biggest advantage that a Wrangler has over other 4×4's is the fact that it's so narrow. I have no clue what this guy was thinking, now this won't fit onto most trails. That's the problem with an H1, they don't get stuck, but they're too wide for a lot of situations. I have no idea what this guy was thinking, except for dropping in a big block. That makes sense.

    Reply
    1. Ambersand Avatar
      Ambersand

      I'm wondering if he was thinking that maybe the center of gravity would somehow be slightly corrected if the body was wider to compensate for the height? At any rate, not my cuppa tea.

      Reply
  13. Maymar Avatar
    Maymar

    If it's good enough for the Jag E-Type, it's good enough for anything else.

    Reply
  14. Maymar Avatar
    Maymar

    I'm going to be needlessly pedantic here, but I don't think it's actually a 1980. If it's really YJ based, then it's obviously not, but there's no VIN to show what it actually is. The 1980 part is just eBay's weirdness if a vehicle year can't be assigned – it often pops up on grey market European vehicles, when it doesn't recognize their VIN.

    Reply
  15. citroen67 Avatar
    citroen67

    His next project is going to be taking an AM General and removing 11 inches from the middle, making it skinnier than a stock Wrangler. That way he will be the creator of two different types of useless custom ORVs.

    Reply
  16. Texan_Idiot25 Avatar
    Texan_Idiot25

    I quite like the 3 wipers.

    Reply
  17. Jim-Bob Avatar
    Jim-Bob

    I live in New Port Richey, FL and there is a shop down here (off Grand BLVD) that seems to build them as it has one or more of them in front of it. However, I believe they put the one I can remember seeing on some sort of 1 ton truck chassis, and it looked well executed. Larger tires, multiple rows of seats, etc. It’s based on a CJ and painted dark green if memory serves. Do I see the point? Not really. To me, a Jeep is good off road because it is a small vehicle. Widening it or making it longer sort of seems to defeat the purpose, unless it is built for the WTF? factor.

    Reply
    1. JeepyJayhawk Avatar
      JeepyJayhawk

      Longer actually has a purpose, it adds stability going up or down steep inclines. Width, no.

      Reply
  18. JeepyJayhawk Avatar
    JeepyJayhawk

    I came back to read the comments, and looking at this thing makes my head hurt all over again. We need Amber to do some hoonage in her Lotus to get the bad image out of my brain.

    Reply
  19. 442much Avatar
    442much

    With a 94-Inch waist wouldn't you want the bucket seats slightly closer together to support each ass cheek? With all that space between the seats in the current configuration, your anus (pronounced a la Borat) would be hanging free to drop a deuce at any desirable moment while rollin' in this rig.

    Reply