Lady and gentlemen, the Citroen Conservatoire is one of those places where you say to yourself, after the visit– If I die now, I have no regrets and I’ve lived a full life. The collection is that extraordinary. And here’s the secret– It’s not a private collection that is next to impossible to see. Just send a courteous email to the staff, and they’ll happily fit you in.
There are hundreds of cars in the collection, so I have split this tour into four posts. Make the jump to see Nirvana-on-Earth.

First, the logistics. The cars are parked in a huge warehouse on the grounds of Citroen’s Aulnay-sous-Bois factory, just a couple of train stops away from Charles De Gaulle Airport. Get off at the Villepinte RER stop, walk through a rabbit-filled park, and you’re there. But you can’t just show up unannounced. Contact Martine by email, and set up a date and time for the visit. Emailing the staff in French is appreciated, but absolutely not necessary. For the general public, the primary way to gain access is through car club group tours, so the Citroen Heritage staff will just slot you and other solos in with those groups.
Before the tour begins, you wait in a holding area that contains a few tchotchkes for sale. Then, the French-speaking docent gathers everyone at the collection’s entrance, and opens the doors. The smell of oil and gasoline smacks you hard, and then your face is filled with glee and fascination when you see what is before you, just like this guy’s.

Row upon row upon row of Citroens. Prototypes, racers, one-offs. All those rare Citroens you’ve seen online since you got on the internet in 1997, all of them, parked right in front of you.
My bias is towards post-war cars, so my mind kind of wandered in the beginning of the chronological tour. Here is a recreation of Mr. Citroen’s office.

I feel guilty for saying this, but to me, these pre-war cars all look the same.

This 2010 art piece called Evo-Mobil, which represents 400 years of mobility, was the curator’s idea of a non sequitur.

Three 2CV prototypes were on display.

Here is the twin engined, four-wheel drive, 2CV Sahara. A Sardinian and I were the only non-Frenchmen there. I excitedly mimed to the Sardinian that this has four-wheel drive. He excitedly mimed to be that this has two motors. The scene was adorable.

Every 2CV variation was on display. This is a James Bond For Your Eyes Only-edition 2CV, complete with bullet hole stickers.

Subsequent posts will cover SM variations, like rally cars and stretched presidential cabriolets. Here we have just a regular ol’ stock SM. *Yawn*

Here is a naked Mehari.

This ugly duckling of a prototype is a 1960 C60. It was supposed to fit in the market between the compact Ami and the stately DS. Note the raked rear window, a la the Ami, and the sloping hood, a la the DS.

We’ve all seen this psychedelic GS online, but you get to see it in the flesh at the Conservatoire!

Rotary-engined M35.

This 1971 Projet L prototype was meant to replace the DS.

Naked CX.

A rare road-legal BX 4TC. This was Citroen’s answer to Group B rallying.

This stretched XM shuttled many a VIP around, including Arafat. Just think how provincial and cute the PLO was, compared to contemporary terrorist organizations.

In the far corner are a few miscellanea, including a helicopter and a tractor.

Stay tuned for more posts, as I cover Citroen rally cars, presidential rides, and vans at the Conservatoire.

Images source: Copyright 2015 Hooniverse/Jim Yu