Hooniverse Asks- What's the Ugliest Car Sold today?

Styling appreciation is subjective, and while we can have to-ma-to/tom-ah-to arguments on the merits of scoop placement and tire diameter to wheel opening ratios, there are some cars that most of us can agree, are just plain fugly.
For many a moon, this question was an easy one, Pontiac giving all other car makers a gimme with the Aztek. Fortunately,  that abomination preceded its parent into the great highway in the sky a number of years ago.
So now we must crown a new king of fug. Because, right now, sitting on dealer lots, or worse, in an owner’s garage, waiting to spring on unsuspecting commuters, is a car or truck that the designer told his bosses “will draw attention to, and define the brand for years to come.” Sadly, these days, many a brand is being defined as the one with the homely cars.
So which car makes you turn your head away in revulsion whenever you pass the dealer? Is there one so heinous that you cross yourself or whisper mi dios when you stumble upon it in the parking lot? Unconstrained by border or market, which new car is the ugliest car sold today?
Image sources:[netcarshow.com, automedia.com]

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118 responses to “Hooniverse Asks- What's the Ugliest Car Sold today?”

  1. Maymar Avatar

    Venza. If that was a real word, I'd list it in other languages.

    1. joshuman Avatar

      Accurately translated in the language of Josh, it means "steaming pile of poop that you just stepped in with fancy shoes."

    2. Goingincirclez Avatar

      "poop" is nearly universal. But here's the sign-language version, just to be thorough.
      <img src="http://www.lifeprint.com/asl101/gifs-animated/poop.gif"&gt;

    3. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      Venza for its grille, Crosstour for its shape, ZDX for its everything.

  2. engineerd Avatar

    My kneejerk reaction was the Accord Crosstour. Even Mrs. engineerd — a decidedly non-car person — agrees. However, then I remembered something else:
    <img width=500 src="http://image.automobilemag.com/f/multimedia/photo_gallery/6684566/0703_b+2007_gumpert_apollo_sport+5.jpg&quot; >
    It's ugly, but damn it's sexy too. Sort of like Julia Roberts.

    1. Goingincirclez Avatar

      Sorry, but I respectfully disagree. It can't be compared to Julia Roberts unless it truly has a horse's mouth.

    2. Tanshanomi Avatar

      You meant like Jeneane Garofalo, didn't you?
      As in The Garofalo Paradox: "simultaneously both obviously unattractive by common measures and still irresistibly magnetic" (a term coined over at [Redacted]).
      And, yes, the Apollo is totally garofalo.

      1. engineerd Avatar

        I like the Garofalo Paradox and will use it as my own.
        And yes, it is totally Garofalo.

        1. Tanshanomi Avatar

          POLAЯ actually came up with the concept [ http://jalopnik.com/comment/4918486/ ]
          and Hardigree coined the term [ http://jalopnik.com/399479/commenter-of-the-day-u… ] ;
          I've just been doing my part to evangelize its utter perfection by dropping garofalo as a adjective whenever it fits.

  3. Prawo Jazdy Avatar
    Prawo Jazdy

    Crosstour about sums it up. As does the Acura version whatever its called..
    I mean just look at that rear quarter. Its like they wanted to claim that they too could stamp odd shapes from a sheet of metal like Cadillac. They just went about the wrong way.. And what the hell is going on with that rear window. Does it open? Is that why its in 3 pieces? Is that for me to shove my joint out when “the jig is up?”
    In sad news..
    I think there should be a tribute to Captain Phil Harris of the Cornelia Marie. He himself was a hoon, not only on the high seas, but as a child when he bought a car under age and got busted not once, but twice hooning as a young underage driver.

  4. Deartháir Avatar

    Just to keep it timely and relevant, I'll nominate the new Nissan Juke, just released, what, a few minutes ago:
    <img src="http://static.ow.ly/photos/original/tmw.jpg&quot; width="400">

    1. Tomsk Avatar

      Designed by a hardcore Pokemon fan?

    2. Tanshanomi Avatar

      Except for the weird headlight placement, I don't have too much trouble with it. Although that grille is really bizarre.
      Kinda makes me think this:
      <img src="http://www.tanshanomi.com/temp/oddface.jpg"&gt;

      1. joshuman Avatar

        If my 16-month old's face was in that configuration she would be blind. Teething and a cold/ear infection produce an amazing amount of snot.

      2. Leeeeena Avatar

        Gah… why on earth did you post that? Now I can't stop staring at it!

    3. P161911 Avatar

      Seems they were trying to transplant most of the physical characteristics of Down syndrome into the face of a car. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Down_syndrome

    4. Tim Odell Avatar
      Tim Odell

      Dammit, Juke! Take reasonably sized bites and stop cramming your mouth so full!

    5. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

      Looks like someone smashed a 370z with a Versa.

    6. gdvsbp Avatar

      I just can't wait to have this thing behind me on the highway, all four headlights caught perfectly in my mirrors. At least then I won't have to see it anymore.

    7. Manic_King Avatar

      I just planned to post this as an answer also, god dammit it's hideous, 21. century Aztec.

    8. RacinG73 Avatar

      Winner winner, chicken dinner!

  5. engineerd Avatar

    I actually don't think it's that ugly. Sure, it's no Alfa 8C Competizione, but it's no Venza, either.
    Besides, its styling will stand out amongst the sea of vanilla in the parking garage.

    1. Deartháir Avatar

      I still don't think that "distinctive" is enough of a justification for making a car ugly. But you're right, the Venza and Crosstour win the ugly battle quite handily; they'd already been picked, however.
      Maybe it's my pet-peeve. I don't like these new Japanese cars that all look like a giant goofy cartoon grin. "O HAI GUISE!!!"
      No. Bad. Go back and try again.

      1. bill Avatar

        I tend to like the big goofy grin. Especially on the sprite. 😀

  6. joshuman Avatar

    I dislike pretty much everything you see at http://www.acura.com/ and http://www.kia.com/. Sure there are crazy one-offs here and there but those two manage to push out designs that make me scowl.

    1. Alff Avatar

      As much as it pains me to admit it, I feel the same way about most of Subaru's current line as well.

      1. lowmiles Avatar

        Being in Subaru country (Seattle), I am constantly reminded of how horrible the new Outback is. It's ugly and bloated and CUV-like. Consumer Reports loves it!

    2. Deartháir Avatar

      I'd agree with most of that… but I actually really like the look of the Kia Soul.

  7. Goingincirclez Avatar

    <img src="http://www.goingincirclez.com/Kaleid/Albums/BON/qubo.jpg"&gt;
    Qubo? Should have named it Quasimodo. Bad guido, bad!

    1. soo΄pәr-bādd75 Avatar

      Winner winner chicken dinner!

    1. UDman Avatar

      Funny, that doesn't look like an Outlander to me…..

      1. engineerd Avatar

        At first I thought he was calling the Camaro ugly. Strangely, I didn't get upset. Instead I laughed.

    2. dfran02 Avatar

      why such a large "don't hotlink" image? seems to defeat the purpose.

  8. Deartháir Avatar

    Google Ads may have just answered the question for us:
    <img src="http://cdn.cloudfiles.mosso.com/c54102/x2_a73a13"&gt;

    1. engineerd Avatar

      Google does know all. All hail Google!

    2. muthalovin Avatar

      and with that, the internetz asplodes

    3. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      "Godforsaken mount of ovine excrement" is a compliment?

  9. Feds Avatar

    the Ssangyong Rodius has been my default answer for years. However, just right now when I googled it, after looking through some of the candidates here, I think its been knocked off the perch.

  10. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

    I hope to start a good conversation here…
    <img src=http://www.autofans.us/images/Ford/2010%20Ford%20F%20150%20SVT%20Raptor%201.jpg>
    Yes it's a bad ass off road machine with a massive engine that makes the good noises, but otherwise I can't stand the grill and there isn't anything super special about it looks wise. I LOATHE the vinyl graphic on the side.
    Close runner up
    <img src=http://spbcar.ru/news/en/i/2009-04-05/2010-gmc-terrain-live-580-lead.jpg>
    Seriously WTF happened here.

    1. Black Steelies Avatar

      The new Terrain ain't that bad. It's better than the Envoy

      1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

        No, no it really isn't. The Envoy was bland and forgettable. The Terrain has misshapen fenders that cry out to be hammered straight and filled with Bondo and an enormously awkward grille. I cringed the first time I saw one on the road.

    2. engineerd Avatar

      Have you seen the Granite? U-g-l-y. Fortunately, this conversation is limited to cars sold today, which the Granite is not. Unfortunately, based on your example above, I can't see GMC de-uglifying it any.
      As far as the Raptor, I can see your point. I don't necessarily agree, but I can see it. I saw two Raptors this weekend at my Ford dealer (yes, two!) without the graphics package and they look a bit cleaner, but I think that's the point of the graphics…to make it look like it's ready to be used on the Dakar Rally. Other than the graphics, the grill is the only thing that really sets it apart from a run of the mill F150. Sure, it's a bit gaudy, but it lets you immediately know this ain't your normal F150.

      1. Black Steelies Avatar

        not to mention the extra wide front fenders deemed worthy of side marker lights by the DOT. I think the Raptor is one of the nicer looking Ford trucks lately though. The new F-series trucks look like mangled garbage.

    3. soo΄pәr-bādd75 Avatar

      Ordinarily, Jeepy, I like what you have to say. This comment about the Raptor OTOH, it disappoints me. I don't dig the vinyl graphic so much, but even that can't take the badassedness away from that truck. There is so much testosterone in the overall design of the truck that just looking at it has been known to cause spontaneous hair growth in some people. For shame!!

      1. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

        Engineered: looked up the Granite… wow … you win, I'm off to find the eye bleach. I agree that it looks ready for Baja or Dakar (via South America) but couldn't those auto designers come up with a better grill? What about subtle details that really set it apart? Yes I realize the irony of what I'm asking.
        SuperBadd75 (misspelled for respect to your natural pre-getrifycation name): I agree that overall the truck is Chocolate Covered Awesome© but I can't shake those details. Sure swap them out, sure overlook it for the greatness that I am sure this truck is, but it just sits odd with me.
        They could have gone for super sleeper, they could have gone WAY over the top.
        I'm certainly not asking for a Power Wagon which is a normal truck with better running gear and a badge…
        These are my misguided opinions, your mileage may vary.

    4. From_a_Buick_6 Avatar

      Yeah, the only thing worse than the Terrain's styling is the fact that it exists in the first place. I'd like to think that, if GM wasn't dumb enough to think it needs umpteen different variants of the same SUV, the Equinox wouldn't look so cheap and ugly (or have such a stupid name), but that's just wishful thinking.
      As for the Raptor, it's hideous, but I assumed nobody would actually buy one. But then I saw one yesterday and was pretty surprised. Then I remembered that I live Georgia.

  11. muthalovin Avatar

    Nissan Cube
    <img src="http://www.chipmania.com/NissanCube.JPG"&gt;
    That back window makes me puke in my mouth.

    1. ptmeyer84 Avatar

      How about this, is the Cube worse than the Element?

    2. CptSevere Avatar

      That just looks plain stupid. Makes me wanna vomit, too.

    3. BlackIce_GTS Avatar

      That's a second generation Cube (which I think is a great design), the presently-on-sale 3rd generation is considerably worse looking.

  12. Manic_King Avatar

    <img src="http://www.carfolio.com/images/dbimages/zgas/models/id/13343/rodius.jpg"&gt;
    They still sell Rodius I think. Whole Sang-Yong is line-up is tragic btw.

    1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      The BMW X6 is just one of these with the dormer sawn off.

  13. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

    Is the hoon hamster eating posts today? I can't seem to get a post to stick.

    1. Black Steelies Avatar

      I see two of your Raptors.

      1. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

        Doh… Deleted the double post.

    2. Tim Odell Avatar
      Tim Odell

      A couple of words and a picture tends to be interpreted as spam by the spambot hamster (which, unfortunately, does not seem to have a "trusted commenters" function"). It seems to dislike both you and engineerd.
      We're trying to keep an eye on it and approve ASAP. Sometimes this leads to delays/double-ups.
      If after 2 minutes of waiting and a couple of refreshes a comment's still MIA, drop us an email.

      1. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

        First time it ever happened to me, so I'll just chock it up to me not having patience. The nice thing is if we do double post we can delete it with a pretty wide window.
        At least I'm in good company in detention.

      2. engineerd Avatar

        Ah, so that's what's been going on. I'll try to behave 😉

        1. Deartháir Avatar

          In truth, it does have a "trusted commenters" function. I just keep deleting you 'cuz I don't trust you at all. 😉

          1. engineerd Avatar

            You're a smart man. I don't even trust myself. Especially my hands. They tend to have a mind of their own.

      3. SeanKHotay Avatar

        I'm just happy to post when I can…and frustrated all the other times…
        Either ID doesn't load…or does and then says my session expired when I hit the Submit Comment button (like it just did for this comment)…or it swallows the comment into oblivion…

    3. Tim Odell Avatar
      Tim Odell

      Found the correct moderation page. Shouldn't be an issue anymore.
      I love you Intensedebate, but you hurt me. You really do.

      1. CptSevere Avatar

        Hey, while we're bitching about things, I'm not getting alerted by email that someone responded to my drivel and chicken scratchings. I've got my IntenseDebate thingy set that way, but it's not working.

        1. Tim Odell Avatar
          Tim Odell

          That seems to be a time-related thing. Like, after a couple of hours and/or a given threshold of replies it stops alerting.
          Obviously, make sure your email acct it set up right and isn't marking the ID emails as spam.
          IntenseDebate = the Alfa Romeo of commenting systems.

  14. M44Power Avatar

    Easy… the only car that asks the question "Where is your God now?"
    [youtube isy0WDoa40U http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isy0WDoa40U youtube]
    The Mitsuoka Orochi.

    1. Dr_Dangerously Avatar

      I wonder if the tooth falls off after a couple days, like a little baby chick.

      1. Deartháir Avatar

        Yes; although you do have to help it just a bit.
        With a sledgehammer. And a sawzall.

          1. Deartháir Avatar

            Wow. That is suddenly a really nice looking car. I am genuinely surprised.

          2. Dr_Dangerously Avatar

            Too bad there is not enough photoshop skills in the world to fix Toyota

          3. Black Steelies Avatar

            Yes there is in fact an aftermarket grille kit for it. It looks far better style-wise but it still lacks the factory quality Acura is known for.

          4. joshuman Avatar

            That is really amazing. It changes the whole flow of the car.

          5. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

            Sweet merciful Jesus.
            That just went from "OH GOD MY EYES" to "I might pick one of those up in several years".
            I don't know how the focus groups approved that damn grille.

        1. Goingincirclez Avatar

          Those methods are perhaps too dignified. Something this comically bad deserves a more fitting adjustment mechanism. I'd prefer the Acme Piano. Or possibly a non-Acme trebuchet?

    2. Charles_Barrett Avatar

      Anyone else get a Halloween jack-o'-lantern vibe from that Acura…?

    3. gdvsbp Avatar

      I was ON MY WAY TO POST THIS EXACT THING (also the Sebring, but I think that's understood). Thank you for saving me the time, and I commiserate.

      1. gdvsbp Avatar

        Oh, also, the IS series. What the hell's up with that. The IS300 was gorgeous.

      2. Black Steelies Avatar

        Actually I think the Subaru Legacy almost looks like the Sebring way up there, is that intentional? So God awful, the Sebring has an excuse, it's at least better than its predecessor, but the Legacy? Com'on Subaru!, my friend's '07 model looks so much better.

    1. CptSevere Avatar

      You think the previous one was good looking? I personally hate the sight of the damn things, and this one may be even worse.

      1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

        Agreed. Square but classy, slow but incredibly useful. This has worse visibility, worse fuel economy (due to the larger platform), and the headlights are inexplicably above the grille, which I think is its worst feature. Like most new Acuras or the Toyota Venza, 20 MPH into a wall almost makes it acceptable.
        The colour is pretty hateful, too.

  15. TurboBrick Avatar

    Nissan has shifted itself into a Japanese Renault, offering designs that you either love, or absolutely hate. That flounder thing… Note? The irregular box is one of them, and that new Joke…Puke… Jake.. no… Cuke.. anyways, that looks like Mazda3's bucktoothed hillbilly cousin. HATE 'EM!

    1. Black Steelies Avatar

      Mazda is the only Asian manufacturer that produces quality designs I actually enjoy. Subaru used to be up there, as did Honda. I've never cared much for Toyota or Nissan. Hyundai/Kia is working its way up the list for style and quality, the new Genesis is sweet!

  16. NefariouKunk Avatar

    The rear end of the new Evo is awful. It may not be the ugliest thing on the road but it bugs me the most.

    1. gdvsbp Avatar

      Because nothing reduces the appearance of top-heaviness like pulling the beltline up into the armpits and slapping the taillights on right at the peak of the whole mess. Gives it that "cat's ass in the air" look.

  17. voodoojoo Avatar

    Perhaps as a counternote, allow me to please offer a sorbet – to clear the palate, perhaps – a sixties Maserati I spotted on the street today.
    <img src="http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs165.snc3/19236_299183550805_570170805_4004098_949512_n.jpg"&gt;
    <img src="http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs265.ash1/19236_299183560805_570170805_4004099_1570307_n.jpg"&gt;

    1. joshuman Avatar

      Thanks for that. I'm off to the next post now with a hint of orange flavor in my mouth.

    2. engineerd Avatar

      My eyes thank you. My brain…and another part of me…as well.

    3. BЯдΖǐL-ЯЄРΘЯΤЄЯ Avatar

      Have you seen how many dead hookers he could fit in that trunk. Nice car, good for him to use it as daily driver.

    4. oldisgold Avatar

      I really like old cars…and this is amazing…in a good condition.

  18. Robert Emslie Avatar
    Robert Emslie

    Hey, a 3500! My brother in law would kill for those tail lights. His car has some off of a Chevy or something.

    1. Black Steelies Avatar

      Whats with the blue ring around the logo? I just noticed that today when I saw one of these weirdies up close. Truthfully, this design is a downgrade from the previous one.

      1. CeRuLeaNBLu Avatar

        Knowing their tendencies to not stop maybe this is a warning to pedestrians, kinda like the XBOX 360's "Red Ring of Death". It's simply the Toyota Blue Ring of Death.

      2. Tim Odell Avatar
        Tim Odell

        It looks really cheesy in person, too.
        Reminds me of a cheap toy decal where they were too cheap to put actual lights, so they just put a decal that looked like lights.
        The LCD display in the interior's the same way. Has a very Tiger Electronics feel.
        +1 on the downgrade. The last Prius (while the target of much vitriol) wasn't bad. This one looks like what would happen if the engineers were pretty much out of ideas after the last one and the styling folks just starting adding crap arbitrarily.

        1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

          Agreed. I think the wheels are the worst bit – they look like Wal-Mart hubcaps or something. At least the previous wheels were fairly classy, and the Touring wheels with the caps pulled off even looked (dare I say it) sporting. But these are just nasty.
          So's the enormous nose-wart, come to think of it, but it almost looks cute from CeruleanBlu's posted photo above ("Hi" Neon-style).

          1. CeRuLeaNBLu Avatar

            And a Follow to you sir for your approval!

  19. UDman Avatar

    I'm sorry, but almost any BMW made today is ugly, and the X6 tops the ugly brigade.
    <img src="http://a332.g.akamai.net/f/332/936/12h/www.edmunds.com/pictures/VEHICLE/2010/BMW/2010.bmw.x6.20311725-E.jpg&quot; alt="" />

    1. Tim Odell Avatar
      Tim Odell

      I'd argue the current 6 series is worse. The lights, the trunk hump…they're just plain awful.

      1. UDman Avatar

        Thanks…. Yes I am an idiot…

    2. Deartháir Avatar

      Oh. Sure. Go with the nuclear option why don'cha?

      1. Tim Odell Avatar
        Tim Odell

        Are you talking about deleting comments or the current 6-series?
        Aside from being an overengineered douchemobile, the 6 definitely wins for styling that literally makes me cringe when I see it.
        There are cars I find ugly, but I can see how someone might like them (7-series, Quatroporte), but that 6er is hideousness, incarnate.

    3. engineerd Avatar

      I'll agree that the X6 is ugly, but I think the X5 GT takes the ugly cake in the House of BMW.

    4. bzr Avatar

      I'd agree if only for the principle of the thing. A fugly coupe-SUV that's useless in all regards? Sign me up! (Please don't, actually.)

    5. faster,Tobias! Avatar

      I used to think the X6 was ugly, but it's toad-like proportions I have gradually grown to like. Maybe, because I see them every day at work, my mind is trying to protect me.

  20. 1300ccsoffury Avatar

    The Nissan Versa sedan. Styled purely out of need for Nissan to fill a gap in the hatchback-hostile American market, it is a shitbucket of styling fail.

  21. muthalovin Avatar

    Nissan Cube
    <img src="http://www.chipmania.com/NissanCube.JPG"&gt;
    That back window makes me puke in my mouth.

  22. […] Hooniverse Asks- What’s the Ugliest Car Sold today? : Hooniverse […]

  23. Charles_Barrett Avatar

    Just the vehicle for Clark Griswald's next family vacation to Wally World…

    1. Goingincirclez Avatar

      "You think you hate it now, but just wait until you drive it".
      Is there enough Dead Grandma Room &trade on the roof? (It was the grandma right? My movie trivia knowledge is woefully scant).

  24. Black Steelies Avatar

    I think the Crosstour is super cool, like a new-age AMC Eagle. Honda has produced more useless cars [CR-Z anyone?]. The X6 is just kinda confused.
    <img src="http://www.supafly.com/images/journal/bmw_X6_amc_Eagle.jpg"&gt;

    1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      The difference is simple, though: the SX/4 may not have been much better on fuel or any more comfortable, but it was cheap and could go nearly anywhere, despite a sporty, somewhat-respectable appearance. The X6 is an overweight pig that can't do anything as well as one of its stablemates can.

  25. From_a_Buick_6 Avatar

    My list of new cars that aren't ugly is a lot shorter.

    1. rocketrodeo Avatar

      Oddly, this one got better in actual metal. No hope for the C, though.

  26. free xbox gold Avatar

    Greetings from Michigan! Just found your blog. Actually visited your article, I’ll email it along! :[ Have a great day!