Hooniverse Asks- What's the Lamest Race Car. . .Ever?

Race on Sunday, sell on Monday, that’s long been the car maker’s dictum. For decades the racetrack has been the petri dish of automotive advancement, where sometimes brilliant discoveries are made; some on par with penicillin, others toe fungus. Today we’re most interested in those that made there be a fungus among us.

Racing is so competitive that every team, and each driver, strives for whatever it will take to push them the necessary inches needed for winning. Sometimes that calls for radical, and even comical extremes of engineering. Take, for example the Tyrell six wheeler – designed to take advantage of the lower frontal area afforded 4 smaller front tires, but still offering the grip the surface area of a pair of larger ones offers. It still looked like something out of Thunderbirds are Go!, and didn’t end up being much more than an addition to the F1 freak show.  Or maybe consider the Chaparral Vacuum car, which stuck limpet-like to the track, but sprayed competitors behind with detritus like it was a Navy 50-cal. Each of these were good ideas gone bad.

And there are plenty of other examples – the Alfa-powered Brabham BT46 F1 car with its surface-mount radiators being one – that make you scratch your head in wonder. But while you’re busy scratching, take a minute to think which one was the most lame.

Image source: [missattitude.com]

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    1. RichardKopf Avatar

      I'd rock it, but with a 2JZ.

    1. PrawoJazdy Avatar

      Prawo Jazdy agrees.

    2. BlackIce_GTS Avatar

      Every time somebody mentions that, I hear this guy:
      <img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MXy8VN9u_nM/R3fVFTr7W_I/AAAAAAAAADA/u9VN1hl-I80/s320/welcome+to+the+world+of+tomorrow.gif"&gt;
      Welcome, to the caaaaaaaar of tomorrow!

  1. IronBallsMcG Avatar

    Wheel turned in anger ≠ lame. Hence the lamest race car is the one that is not raced.

  2. OA5599 Avatar

    Because Racecar meme.

    1. IronBallsMcG Avatar

      I can proudly say I had to Google that.
      My conversion is complete.

    2. ZomBee Racer Avatar

      It was kinda funny the first two or three times.

  3. PrawoJazdy Avatar

    Gotta go with anything NASCAR COT. Not only is it lame, it ruined whatever was left of NASCAR.

  4. Alff Avatar

    Worst of the best…
    <img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2429/3601583750_c27c8634a7.jpg"width=500&gt;
    Worst of the worst: CoT

  5. P161911 Avatar

    although I agree with IronBalls above, the Toyota Celebrity race at Long Beach has to be up there for lame cars. What do we give people who can't hardly drive to race?
    <img src="http://www.blogcdn.com/www.autoblog.com/media/2009/04/tproceleb09_lead.jpg"width=500&gt;

    1. IronBallsMcG Avatar

      Do we need to phrase our answer in the form of a question?

  6. Chris Avatar

    Nissan Leaf NISMO RC.

    1. Tim Odell Avatar
      Tim Odell

      AFAIK, they didn't actually race it. They made a fake race car out of a slow electric car. Doesn't get much lamer than that.

  7. Jennings R. Scroggs, Jr. Avatar
    Jennings R. Scroggs, Jr.

    It's so lame….that it's kinda awesome
    <img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3648/3385588267_d95f3fab07.jpg&quot; width="500" height="333" alt="50 sebring 12hrs crosley hot shot">

    1. P161911 Avatar

      First American car with 4-wheel disc brakes, and dominant in 750cc class racing. The Hot Shot is not really lame at all.

    2. facelvega Avatar

      I see only the awesome in this picture.

    3. tonyola Avatar

      Yeah, there's no lameness here.

  8. west_coaster Avatar

    The open wheel cars in Driven.
    The movie was lame, and the idea that those cars could be started at random and driven on the street, fly 100' in the air whenever they crashed, and seemed to have no relavance at all to real racing means they must have been dreamt up by a 12 year old who was missing his dose of Ritalin.
    They define the word lame.

  9. Feds_II Avatar

    Cadillac LMP cars. Because they weren't competitive, because GM half-assed the program, and because Audi just plain did it better, and is still doing it better.
    <img src="http://wikicars.org/images/en/3/35/Cadillac-LMP2001.jpg"&gt;

  10. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    1935 Monaco Trossi.
    Don't get me wrong, it's hoontastic, and would make a great steam-punk science fiction prop, but as a racer it sucked, and it was innovative for no good reason. It answered a question that nobody should've asked.
    <img src="http://www.ridelust.com/wp-content/uploads/Monaco-Trossi1935-500×342.jpg"&gt;

    1. Joe Btfsplk Avatar
      Joe Btfsplk

      Changing the plugs is so easy that a caveman could do it.

    1. Joe Btfsplk Avatar
      Joe Btfsplk

      "Takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin' " Now that's a race car!

    2. Jim Brennan Avatar
      Jim Brennan

      How about this one…. no I take it back, it was indeed awesome….
      <img src="http://hooniverse.info/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/LemonsNE-2009-091-720×480.jpg&quot; alt="" width=500/>

      1. ZomBee Racer Avatar

        It certainly was…

        1. Deartháir Avatar

          Personally, I like that your car is #36, and Jim's is #63.

    3. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
      Peter Tanshanomi

      That can't be the lamest race car ever. It's come in ahead of a bunch of other LeMons cars.

  11. OA5599 Avatar

    Totally awesome monkey drivers aren't enough to keep the race cars from being lame.
    <img src="http://www.sadanduseless.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/monkeyracers.jpg"&gt;

    1. Alff Avatar

      I see that Kurt Busch is once again in the number 2 car.

    2. tonyola Avatar

      Monkeys and clowns – wait, those aren't NASCAR cars…

      1. P161911 Avatar

        From the looks of the clown, they are Midget racers.

    3. west_coaster Avatar

      OMG…I need that photo!

  12. Manic_King Avatar
  13. Van Sarockin Avatar
    Van Sarockin

    NASCARdized Grand Am jellybeans.

  14. pj134 Avatar

    <img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2659/4159188160_8d49644af2_o.jpg&quot; />
    Because base car.
    *runs away before angry mob catches me for using that meme here*

    1. ZomBee Racer Avatar


    2. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
        1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

          <img src="http://www.fi.edu/pieces/schutte/moonpics/rover.jpg&quot; width=600>
          Because space car.
          …What have we done?!

  15. dragon951 Avatar

    Not sure I follow you on the Porsche part.

  16. Jennings R. Scroggs, Jr. Avatar
    Jennings R. Scroggs, Jr.

    Another, it's so lame that it may be awesome entry….the rally Pacer
    from the Route 66 Rambler forum

    1. ZomBee Racer Avatar

      THAT. IS. AWESOME!!!
      Here ya go,
      <img src="http://www.realautosport.com/OldPics/Blagowsky/DeanPacr2.jpg&quot; width="500" />
      <img src="http://www.realautosport.com/OldPics/Blagowsky/DeanPacr.jpg&quot; width="500" />
      (And SEE?!?! Great dune-buggies!)

      1. CptSevere Avatar

        Jeezuz, that is awesome. I don't even like Pacers, but I like this.

    2. Deartháir Avatar

      I see nothing lame about that at all.

  17. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    From the world of drag racing, the aerodynamically challenged early Vega Kammback fuel funny cars. You could say that they turned the racing world upside down — drivers absolutely flipped over 'em!
    <img src="http://www.70sfunnycars.com/Photos/3schu.JPG"&gt;

    1. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
      Peter Tanshanomi

      Wow, somebody out there actually gave my thumbs down to the Kammback FCs a thumbs down, thereby actually giving them a thumbs up. Eh, that's okay. I've got two points to spare before they kick me back out of the hyperspace lounge.

      1. ZomBee Racer Avatar

        I'm giving you a thumbs up, mostly for posting a pic of one of my favorites when I was a kid… even though everything you said probably makes sense… and giving it a thumbs up might, actually, be giving it a thumbs down, (@#$% now my head hurts)

        1. OA5599 Avatar

          I'd give your comment a thumbs up, but I've lost track as to whether I need to click the up or down button to do it.

          1. Deartháir Avatar

            I need a flow chart.

    2. CptSevere Avatar

      I meant to click you up rather than down on this, but it's too late now. I owe you one. Still, this is one sic mo fo, and it's just wrong.

  18. smokyburnout Avatar

    <img src="http://auto.niot.net/uploads/m/aston-martin-unveils-amr-one-lmp1-race-car-.jpg&quot; width="600">
    Ugly, check.
    Slow, check.
    Unreliable, check.
    Worthy of being mentioned in the same breath as Aston's last LMP… NO CHECK!
    And, on the topic of one of those tags…
    <img src="http://www.imcdb.org/i191697.jpg&quot; width="600">
    IMGs from niot.net and the IMCDB

  19. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    yea, locost burial.

  20. ZomBee Racer Avatar


  21. ptschett Avatar

    This is not the problem with NASCAR.
    <img src="http://jonsibal.com/bpimages/NWchallenger_1.jpg&quot; width="500"/>
    Img from jonsibal.com
    It's the races (Cup) that are too long (Nationwide race length is about right IMO), the mystery cautions, the bizarre points system (why would any form of auto racing need a "playoff"? srsly?) and TV partners that seem to think every viewer was just stumbling through trying to find SportsCenter and needs an explanation of what a carburetor is.

    1. smokyburnout Avatar

      Don't forget Cup drivers winning every other Truck and Nationwide race!

      1. ptschett Avatar

        I think the new choose your series rule is helping with that. I don't mind having the Cup guys run in NNS or CWTS or winning some races there, but without the ability to go for the championship I think it takes away some incentive to buschwack.

      2. ptschett Avatar


    2. Deartháir Avatar

      I don't understand how the tech center in V8 Supercars can be awesome, while the tech explanations in NASCAR are like, "Them round black thingies on the bottom of the cars is the tahrs. They make it go!"
      Meanwhile, V8 has Mark Larkham, who's a bit of a prat on his own, explaining exactly how the adjustability of the anti-roll bars is moderated by levers in the cabin through twisting a flat beam and using the limitations of its sideways movement to their advantage in much the same way as a thin butter knife can cut in one direction but is flexible to movement at the perpendicular…
      The difference is so strange.

      1. ZomBee Racer Avatar

        Wait… what?

        1. ZomBee Racer Avatar

          Second Ninja test, "Hi-YAH!!"

  22. James Avatar

    I don't have a picture, but we've all seen them. $100,000 trailer queen autocrossers. LAME!