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By Kamil Kaluski
Sep 5, 2019
https://twitter.com/jglucker/status/1169284464125472768
Porsche is known for having ridiculous model names for the 31 flavors of each vehicle they make. The new electric Porsche, the Taycan was just revealed. It currently has two model names – Turbo and Turbo S. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that these EVs do not actually have any turbos attached to their motors. But yet, here we are.
Today we ask – what should have Porsche used as model names of the Taycan?
East Coast Editor. Races crappy cars and has an unhealthy obsession with Eastern Bloc cars. Current fleet: Ford Bronco, Lexus GX 470, and a Buick Regal crapcan racecar.
Jeff Glucker
I’d take a Taycan DOHC.
Carrera SC GT8 S Targa E
I’m waiting for the Carrera SC GT8 S Targa E-RS Lightweight Club ‘Bergspunker’.
Non-tacky AC/DC technical terms? Tesla is really doing something right with “ludicrous”-mode and such. Just start afresh.
OK, so “ludicrous” mode is taken from Spaceballs – there’s “light speed”, then “ridiculous speed” is faster and “ludicrous speed” is faster still. Porsche can harken back to their roots a bit and go for “plaid” which, in Spaceballs-speak, is the fastest of them all. They just need to figure out how to make the seats change to a classic Porsche plaid appearance when you select that mode. That would be nuts!!
Of course! I forgot that. Porsche is probably taking itself way too serious to go down that same route.
Note that the upcoming Tesla Roadster will have “Maximum Plaid”.
Which implies that there’s also a regular plaid.
Their imagination must have been Taycan.
Edit – I apologise to all for my lack of pun imagination…
I’m willing to forgive this if I can deactivate the turbo mode to slow it down to 4.77 MPH.
Beat me to it.
https://static.techspot.com/images2/trivia/bigimage/2017/2017-03-17-image.jpg
I had one of those! Then a friend got a 200 MHz PC – didn’t believe him at first.
Just go with Taycan L5 Autonomous and explain somewhere towards the back of the owner’s manual that the name is just a name, unrelated to any actual features. That should be fine.
Taycan XR, Taycan XS, Taycan XS Max
Sounds like Peugeot models 20-30 years ago
It’s the iPhone lineup. Seems fitting.
Wow, how out of touch am I… I did know they have more than one version now, but it’s not something that matters in my life.
Taycan Flat-E and Taycan Flat-ES. Porsche says they’re using “turbo” because it relates to naming conventions of their other cars. Why not throw back to your roots and reference the horizontally opposed cylinder layout of your early cars, but add the “E” designation since the Taycan is all electric? The battery packs are basically flat under the floor, so it still kinda holds true regardless. And then I read back everything I just typed and, well, this kinda sounds like shyte, too. Hell, even “Taycan” sounds stupid.
Would appeal to flat earthers at least
Plus one for the musical theory aspect.
Fun fact, E flat is called “Es” in German.
If you are marketing your first battery powered car — ‘flat’ is not a good name.
LOL! Part of my reason for slamming my own comment at the end!!
I know Electric Boogaloo is cliche, but Taycan 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Otherwise, do they own the trademark for Lohner?
https://drive-my.com/images/1900-Lohner-Porsche-1.jpg
Bombardier owns it and uses it for light rail vehicle production.
(And, how Bombardier owns Rotax? Yeah, that was part of that – Lohner had bought Rotax for motorscooter engines, and Rotax came with that deal.)
Taycan II Turbo Boogaloo
Porsche Der Porsche is next, btw.
Off topic quotd – when was the first version of that? Chrysler by Chrysler to start, launched 1971
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/21a642cf167fdbef391828b70534ee5fcb7ab662bf6d25833cbb0939cf85a92d.jpg
Not quite the same thing, but the only model ever manufactured by the Continental Division was the Continental Mark II, 1956-7.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zyAeq3FZhNU/UHxVJ43yAhI/AAAAAAAAJ7w/VpxI03Xo7No/s1600/546295_10151240540985049_837671258_n.jpg
Taycan a very roundabout way to finally appease the not-a-real-Porch-unless-it’s-air-cooled crowd.
There has to be some horrendously unpronounceable 33 letter German word associated with electric engineering. Go with that.
29: Gleichstromreihenschlussmotor (DC current series-characteristics motor), but you can expand, ahem, easily:
Gleichstromreihenschlussmotoranschlusssteckergehäuseverschlusskappe (the flap on a connecting plug’s housing that’s hooked to said motor) – that’s a bit artificial though, shop talk would go “hand me that Deckel”
Isn’t it pronounced “tie-can”? Honestly, there’s nothing you can do that makes “Taycan” sound not-dumb-as-hell. I know it’s supposed to mean “spirited foal” or something, but that just makes it sound more stupid.
Maybe they should take the “LaFerrari” route and rename it “DerPorsche”. Or go for the obvious with Blitz or Funke.
Or just recall their history and call it ‘Tiger’
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/94/Tiger_131_%287527948486%29.jpg
Or just recall their history and call it ‘Tiger’
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/94/Tiger_131_%287527948486%29.jpg
Blitz is historically an Opel name, plus might not work in some demographics.
Taycan Out with the Garbage?
Taycan The Piss?
Tayc Me to Your Leader?
Tayc a Chance on Me?
Taycan NayCat
Taycan TanCay
Taycan Yatcan
Taycan Naayct
or
Porsche Taycan PorchSE
Porsche Taycan Perchso
Porsche Taycan Cherpso
Porsche Nyancat
Taycan Gauss
Taycan Gausss S
Taycan Zap (with available “don’t overheat” mode)
But the one you want is the “Taycan Turbo S NOS edition with water methanol injection”. That’s just the trim name; it doesn’t actually have any forced induction or chemical intercooling.