Hooniverse Asks- What Sexy Car Has the Most Un-Sexy Name, And Visa-Versa?

That car up there is the Apollo. While debate over its beauty may be valid, there’s no arguing that its performance is sexy, being one of the fastest and more raw-edged super cars on the planet. And then there’s the name – Gumpert. Gumpert isn’t a sexy name, it’s the name of your sweaty typing teacher in 8th grade. Gumpert is the evil prince in a children’s fable. There are no super models named Gumpert.

So does that qualify as the sexiest car with the least sexy name, or can you come up with better example? And what about the opposite, what of a non-sexy car with a name that sounds like drinking Dom Perignon White Gold Jeroboam from Gisele Bundchen’s stiletto heel?
What about the Chrysler Sebring? That’s the Pugsley Addams of the rental fleets, but the name conjures up visions of the sensuous curves of the super speedway  and engines screaming long into the night.  You might expect to find that venerated name attached to a car than might reasonably ply the track with just a roll bar and a natty set of driving gloves. But instead, it’s glued, inescapably,to a mediocre and plainly homely four door sedan and  coupe, of which the most generous thing can be said is that at least they aren’t popular so they’ll go away sooner.
So, ugly casrs with sexy names, and sexy cars with ugly names, let’s hear ’em. There’s plenty of cars that are both ugly and have an equally unattractive appellation- such as the Fiat Multipla. That’s too easy, we want the polar opposites in designation and application. Bring on the ugly-sexy cars!
Image sources: [Wired.com, CarGuideWeb.com]

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38 responses to “Hooniverse Asks- What Sexy Car Has the Most Un-Sexy Name, And Visa-Versa?”

  1. mdharrell Avatar

    Edsel. I'll let you decide whether it fits in the first category or the second.

  2. Syrax Avatar

    Acura Vigor. Should've been a mid engined V12 supercar.

  3. Black Steelies Avatar

    Chevy Monte Carlo. Ugly car- sexy name
    The first generation was admittedly a svelte, relevant design featuring shapely coke-bottle curves pleasantly juxtaposed with sharp, squared off edges. But anything produced afterward, especially the later gens were the awkward and homely step-sisters of some of Chevrolet's sedan lineup.
    The name Monte Carlo evokes an exotic, sunny place where elegant looks and a performance pedigree are regarded in the utmost. The name is an obvious reference to the F1 Monaco Grand Prix held in Monte Carlo as this car was created as a platform-mate to the Pontiac Gran Prix. Certainly a fwd snooze button on wheels or a Monte Carlo SS mullet-machine aren't deserving of such classy implications. I nominate the Monte as Chevrolet's 'Sebring'.

    1. Impalamino Avatar

      I see your point, and I agree that the SSs are (unfortunately) "mullet machines". However, the 87-88 non-SS Montes are actually pretty handsome cars. The front end was finally sussed out. A friend of mine had a granny fresh '88 non-SS in gray, sporting a 305—it was no rocket, but it was one of the last true full-size coupes, easily capable of hauling 5.
      I think in the case of the Monte Carlo, the identification of the that name with a Chevrolet is much more common than associating it with the ACTUAL Monte Carlo. Chevrolet once had a knack for things like that. Now we get the Equinox and the Cobalt. Durrrrr.

  4. CptSevere Avatar

    Cadillac, any new Cadillac. Like engineerd said yesterday, bring back the classic names like Fleetwood, Eldorado, DeVille, etc.

    1. citroen67 Avatar

      I can agree with all but the last one…I never liked the ETC. 🙂

      1. CptSevere Avatar

        The famous Eldorado Town Coupe? You philistine!

        1. ptschett Avatar

          I always called them "Etceteras" following Car & Driver's lead.

  5. KAH Avatar

    Nissan Fairlady
    glad they just went with Z and displacement numbers for the States

    1. KillerZomBee Avatar

      See also Bluebird

  6. KAH Avatar

    Visa-Versa? the Dodge Swinger

    1. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
      Peter Tanshanomi

      You must remember that Swinger had a very different (and much more wholesome) connotation at the time than it has evolved into since.

      1. AteUpWithMotor Avatar

        Different, yes — wholesome, well…

  7. BrianTheHoon Avatar

    I've never been turned on by lingerie and have always felt that nothing is sexier than "naked." That said, Daihatsu's Naked is most certainly far from sexy.
    <img src="http://www.cars-directory.net/pics/daihatsu/naked/2002/daihatsu_naked_a1241563806b2669984.jpg"&gt;

  8. SSurfer321 Avatar

    Isn't an Escort typically thought of as attractive?

  9. Jeff Glucker Avatar
    Jeff Glucker

    Dodge Ram
    Wait, ramming isn't sexy?

  10. citroen67 Avatar

    I have to say…Humber Super Snipe. That name does not fit the car at all.

  11. tonyola Avatar

    Buick Wildcat. There wasn't anything wild about these big boats particularly after 1966. More of an overweight tabby curled up near a fireplace and too fat and lazy to pursue a mouse. Maybe Buick Garfield would have been more appropriate.

  12. joshuman Avatar

    Smart car is not. Sure, when they were first sold in Europe in the late 1990s, where parking is different and roads are small, they made sense. Today, in North America, without the diesel option, with the high relative cost, they do not make sense. It is an ugly name.

  13. engineerd Avatar

    Sexy Car with Unsexy Name: Well, since you already took the Gumpert Apollo, a truly sexy car performance-wise but befitting its name looks-wise, I will take the NSX. It's hard to argue that Honda's little mid-engined rocketship isn't sexy, the name always made me think of these guys:
    <img src="http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2005/11/25/inxs_wideweb__470x330,0.jpg"&gt;
    Some on here may find them sexy, but I don't.
    The Vice Versa: The 1988+ Pontiac Le Mans. This is the car I learned to drive on, and I could never figure out why Pontiac stuck such an evocative name on such a shitty little rattle trap.

  14. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    I always thought that "Fairlady" was about the least dynamic, least exciting name around. Makes me think it was designed by Hyacinth Bucket.

  15. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    Avenger — the old Hillman, OR the current Dodge.

  16. muthalovin Avatar

    Unsexy car name, any supercar: letter-number designations. the MVPX-136, or SRT-V1100RSVX. Those are MOTORCYCLE names. Not car names.
    Sexy car name, unsexy car (to most): SVX – While some do not find the car attractive, I do.

    1. Syrax Avatar

      Subaru Alcyone is way sexier.

    2. MarionCobretti Avatar

      Indeed. Alphanumeric names are not sexy. Murcielago? Sexy. R8? Not sexy.
      The Ford Probe famously had a name that made it sound like it would violate you in a decidedly unsexy way, but I found the second-gen car rather good looking.
      On the other side of the coin, before I knew what one was if you'd told me a new car called the "Porsche Cayenne" was coming out I would have gotten pants-wettingly excited. I would have expected spicy, like a Boxster Spyder with a 911 Turbo drivetrain. Not a fat, bulbous SUV.

      1. tonyola Avatar

        Murcielago is too close in spelling and sound to Mucilage for this non-Romantic-Language, Anglo-Saxon tongue. Who wants to drive the Lamborghini Glue?

  17. bzr Avatar

    I was really hoping that Ford would name the Crown Victoria replacement the Crown Edward VII.

  18. AteUpWithMotor Avatar

    Least/most: Marmon. The Marmon Sixteen was a magnificent car — all-aluminum OHV V-16 — but that name…
    Most/least: Most any Mercury Cougar between 1973 and 1983.

  19. dmilligan Avatar

    I've always thought that Countach was a crap name for a supercar. It's like someone tried to say "contact" with a mouth full of ravioli.

  20. soo΄pәr-bādd75 Avatar

    Okay, so Aztek isn't really a sexy name, but compared to the lump of crap that it was attached to, it damn sure was.

    1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      I always liked the name. Hideous car, though.

      1. soo΄pәr-bādd75 Avatar

        Nothing against the name at all. In fact, I also rather like it. Just not on a horribly styled, minivan based, pseudo SUV (poorly) built out of the GM parts bin. I think it would have been a cool name for the ill fated G8 Sport Truck. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

  21. Tomsk Avatar

    Sexy but Doesn't Sound It
    Jaguar E-Type: I can just picture an eco-weenie celebrity exclaiming, "ZOMG AN ELECTRIC JAAAAAG?!?11! DO WANT!!1!"
    Citroën SM: More like "Citroën Franco-Italian Vessel of Motherf*cking Win"
    Oldsmobile Toronado: It's bad enough they named it after a deadly meteorological phenomenon, but did they have to misspell it too?
    Mazda Cosmo: Jerry, George and Elaine were taken?
    Sounds Sexy but Isn't
    Porsche Panamera: Open road race across Central America…in a chubby, ass-heavy-looking 5-door
    Chevrolet Impala: Sexy sounding name for a lithe, hoofed critter of the savanna currently applied to slow, floppy, front-drive boat
    Dodge Nitro: Do I really have to explain this one?
    Toyota Highlander: Neither Scottish nor badass

  22. BЯдΖǐL-ЯЄРΘЯΤЄЯ Avatar

    How about screwing it all up, name and car, the Tang Hau Detroit Fish

    1. MarionCobretti Avatar

      Keeping with the unsexy name/unsexy car and fish themes, the AMC Marlin springs to mind.

  23. T McA Avatar
    T McA

    PANOZ ESPERANTE! Very sexy but sounds awful…

  24. Glenn Dangelo Avatar

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