Hooniverse Asks- What Car Would Be Your Choice To Introduce Automobiles To The Aliens?

Launched on March 3rd 1972, the Pioneer 10 spacecraft has the distinction of being the man-made object that has travelled the greatest distance from Earth. If you’re a believer in Newton’s First Law, then you know that, barring a collision with something, it will keep getting farther from us, forever. That makes it the most likely the first object that the aliens will encounter on their way here for dinner. Despite the threat of getting eaten, NASA engineers helpfully provided a road-map to the planet, as well as a menu of sorts, and bolted it to the side of the craft.

The Pioneer 10 plaque shows our solar system, a scale representation of the spacecraft itself, as well as a picture of a coupe just leaving the full-body waxing salon. While she’s kind of hot, he looks like it must have been cold in there, I’m just saying.
That’s all well and good, and gives the aliens an idea of what our vulnerable spots are, but what if they’re not just interested in drinking our sweet eye juices and making burgers from our brains? What if they’re also car geeks? What if they’d go space balls over Cisitalia and all we’re showing them is genitalia? You look at that plaque and there’s no indication of cars or any kind of mode of transportation, hell even nudie Judy and bare Pierre are without shoes.

Now, we’re tossing junk out into space like we bought it at Big Lots and we surely can spare the weight to put another plaque on one of them. And if we did, wouldn’t it be a good idea to introduce the aliens to our coolest cars? If they are car nuts, maybe they’ll spare those of us who can tell them where the best roads are, or those who know how to tune a brace of 45DCOEs.

But while space is a vast frontier, the space onboard the craft we fling out into it isn’t, and that means we’re not going to be able to include the entire MotorBooks catalog on there. Because of that we’ll need to be very selective about what car we use to represent the planet to the aliens- remember our not being on the buffet menu may count on it. It will need to be the most representative of the entire category of automobile. There’s always the first car, the Benz Patent Wagon. But that might make them think we’re all a bunch of handlebar mustache-wearing dandies. How about the Model T? That car sold in the millions and might scare off the aliens concerned about being overcome by our numbers. Or maybe it should be the Ferrari 250 Lusso, its lithe beauty and explosive performance would ensure they don’t eat the Italians, at the very least.
So what do you think it should be? What car should be our ambassador to the aliens? Should it be an AMC Ambassador? What car would not only be the ultimate expression of Earth’s automotive-building prowess, but also something that would be so impressive to anyone, or anything, seeing it that it causes them to halt plans to turn us all into Predator Chow?
And remember, they’ll eat the fatties first.
Image sources: [pas.rochester.edu, Magick River]

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33 responses to “Hooniverse Asks- What Car Would Be Your Choice To Introduce Automobiles To The Aliens?”

  1. damnelantra™[!] Avatar

    enzo ffx should work.

  2. Al_Navarro Avatar

    Citroen DS or SM.

    1. vwminispeedster Avatar

      Good call. It will show we were advanced before our time but sadly havent been able to improve on perfection.

  3. lilwillie Avatar

    Considering how small his dick is in that picture I'd bet he would choose a exotic of some sort?

    1. soo΄pәr-bādd75 Avatar

      That's a funny observation for a guy called "lilwillie"!

      1. lilwillie Avatar

        Hey! It's not very long but it's pretty short around!

  4. nofrillls Avatar

    Let's face it, they find us first, they're probably more advanced than we'll be able to get our fat heads around. I'd go with the humble original VW Beetle and pray for mercy.

  5. Alff Avatar

    Something with AC. It would be a well-deserved change of pace after being crammed into a dark semi-trailer for the run across the border.

    1. CptSevere Avatar

      I'm not gonna touch that one.

      1. Alff Avatar

        I didn't say which direction my vehicle would be headed.

  6. tonyola Avatar

    Navistar Maxxpro

  7. KAH Avatar

    a shadow shall fall over the universe. Evil will grow in its path. And death will come from the skies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llgBBgKSRLo&fe
    the C1 Chevrolet from Heavy Metal

    1. Black Steelies Avatar

      hahahaha awesome. I remember watching this movie earlier this year, freaked me the hell out

  8. acarr260 Avatar

    Citroen DS… obviously.

  9. P161911 Avatar

    Probably the most enduring car shape would be the Mercedes W126. It is a pretty good representation of a generic "car". Classically styled nothing really trendy like tail fins or giant hood ornaments.
    What are the chances that they find one tiny space probe before they find the whole dang planet?

  10. Maymar Avatar

    Being the best selling (and ergo, most common) car in the world, I'd have to go Toyota Corolla. And just so they don't feel the need to annihilate us, AE86.
    Or maybe I should just skip the Corolla and go straight for the Golf, and subtly slip a GTI in there.

  11. tonyola Avatar

    Sorry, Graverobber, but according to Wiki:
    "As of 29 January 2010, Voyager 1's location made it the most distant human-made object sent from Earth[14] at 112.448 AU (approximately 16.82 billion kilometers, 10.45 billion miles, or 0.00177 light years) from the Sun."
    It seems a little sad that we've only made to a little under two thousandths of a light year from home. And Voyager is gonna come back and haunt us as V'ger, right?

  12. muthalovin Avatar

    Tom Green visited Roswell way back in '99. He drove around a Mustang II, that was all tricked out. The Roswell PD did not approve.

  13. Age_of_Aerostar Avatar

    Hey wait, aliens may look at that hood and think it'll make nice grill marks on us Earthlings!

  14. alex Avatar

    Either the Dymaxion or the Subaru 360.

  15. soo΄pәr-bādd75 Avatar

    BMW Isetta. Or an AMC Gremlin looks pretty spacey.

  16. raphaelinberlin Avatar

    Humans are generally irrational, senseless beings rpone to willingly making horrible mistakes and holding on tight to ideas and memories that not only don't make sense today, but didn't really in the first place. A Bristol.

    1. Alff Avatar

      I'm not the least bit rpone to making mistakes.

  17. Cynicist Avatar

    We already have lasers that can cut through steel at over a kilometre. What makes you think your leeto tank will save you against what the aliens have dreamt up?

  18. Mad_Hungarian Avatar

    Hmmm. A Saturn? Or a Comet? No, wait, a Meteor. Or maybe we should think bigger. A Galaxie. Hold on, yes a Ford, but better than that, how about a Starliner . . . . . . .

    1. Alff Avatar

      The celestial body I'm most enamored with is the black hole. Hence, an Alfa Romeo.

  19. Jim-Bob Avatar

    An AMC Pacer hatchback with a set of moon discs. Extra bonus points if someone bothers to modify it to be as it was originally designed with a front mounted FWD Wankel Rotary drivetrain similar to an NSU RO-80 or Citroen Cx Birotor.

  20. Bo Darville Avatar
    Bo Darville

    I saw one of these along the TX border last week, and I'm pretty sure it was already driven by aliens.

  21. Peter_Dushenski Avatar

    But how has the Bugatti Veyron not been mentioned yet? It would show the alien race that humans can build something that goes along the ground’s surface quickly and comfortably, even if we have not yet developed similarly effective methods of travelling to even other solar systems. Surely, the 16.4 would leave them with an impression of mild appreciation for our primitive stage of evolution.

  22. Atomo Avatar

    Easy choice really, a late model Dodge Aries (K-Car).
    Something to prove that we are sensible, able to build reliable transportation and that we have a good sense of humor.

  23. scratch and dent appliances Avatar

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