Yeah, I’m one of those #millenials that people talk about all day on the news or whatever. I grew up watching Seinfeld and FRIENDS, I listened to what my parents listened to (mostly Billy Joel), and I went to college to get a degree that’s mostly meaningless. I’m still young, so I should be out partying and raising hell with my friends, right? So why the heck did I find the Gumball 3000 event in Reno, NV last night to be tedious as heck and completely pointless? Oh well, let’s get into it. Click the jump for more ranting and raving.

So I like to think of myself as relatively ‘plugged in’ to the car community. So why did I not find out that the Gumball 3000 was coming through my home town until only a handful of hours before they came through? Who knows. Anyway, I made up an excuse to cut out of work 15 minutes early so I could have a good vantage point for their arrival. Do I particularly care about stuff like this? Not really, but I was promised a trio of Porsche 918 Spyders, a McLaren P1, and of course Jon Olssen’s weird Audi RS6 Avant DTM, so I guessed it would be worth stopping down for. If I didn’t know anything about it, how many people could there possibly be showing up to see them? In the words of Bilbo Baggins, “I have never been so wrong in all my life”.
I drove downtown and parked by the river, dutifully paying two bucks for two hours, figuring that would be plenty of time, and walked down to the infamous Reno Arch a few blocks away. I rounded the corner, and there were already a couple thousand people waiting. Oh boy. I found a spot that was unobstructed to take a few cell phone snaps for you folks to enjoy. This spot happened to be next to a gaggle of flat-biller morons, and I’ve compiled a list of fascinating *overheard* quotes at the bottom of this post for you to also enjoy.
So at about 5PM, I was cuddled up with the crowd waiting for the ‘awesome’ to arrive. All of the websites and news outlets had mentioned a 5PM arrival, so I thought I’d be in and out with a few snaps and home in time for supper. While we waited, apparently all of Reno decided it was a good idea to drive up and down the street showing off their hoopties, donks, buzz boxes, tuners, and hot rods. One particular egomaniac pulled up to the curb in his small-block 1972 Camaro (Camero), got out, popped the hood, and stood back waiting for the compliments to shower over him. What a town I live in.

 
The police finally cleared the main drag and blocked it off at about 6. The first of the Gumballers rolled into the newly blocked street at about quarter to seven. I was ready to get gone, for sure. Once they all got pulled in and stopped, some people got out of their rides, and others stayed in. They were only around for about 20 minutes before heading for San Francisco, so that’s understandable. At that point, the crowd lining the streets converged on the line of cars and mobbed around trying to get autographs and handshakes and #Selfies.
I didn’t really recognize any of the people, except Deadmau5, Tommy Lee, and David Hasselhoff, so I’ll mostly focus on the cars.
1. Deadmau5’s McLaren P1

Joel Zimmerman’s McLaren was the first car on the scene. I’d never seen a P1 in the flesh, so it was kinda neat. Joel and his passenger, Tommy Lee, sure make for a motley crew.

Deadmau5 of “Purrari” fame around these parts has never been one to shy away from a good joke, and I really enjoyed his stupidly meme-licious vanity license plate.
The guy was absolutely MOBBED by the crowd. I’d honestly never heard any of his music, so I thought I would listen to a song or two while writing this article. Nope, never doing that again…
2.  Deadmau5’s McLaren 650S

A nice young woman was driving this car. I have no idea who she is. Don’t particularly care, if I’m honest. I guess if you’re going to be in Reno (with a final destination of Las Vegas) with a pair of McLarens, a hearts livery on one and a spades livery on the other might not be a terrible idea.
3. Someone’s Porsche 918 Spyder
Excuse me, Gumball, I believe I was promised a “trio” of 918 Spyders, not just one. What the heck?

Regardless, I’d not yet seen a 918 Spyder in real life, so it was pretty neat to get that opportunity. It’s a little smaller than I expected, and it’s got some oddness to its proportions, but damn if it wasn’t a beauty.

4. David Hasselhoff’s Dodge Challenger?
If you’re going to go on one of these events, why do you bring just a Challenger? No offense to Dodge, but c’mon! This wasn’t even a Hellcat.

The Hoff was one of those guys that didn’t get out of his car. I’m guessing he thought himself too much of a superstar and would get mobbed by the plebeians. In a town like Reno, though, that might be true.
5. Everything else.

Meh. 
Another G wagen being used for non-G-wagen activities. Ugh.

Couldn’t even be bothered to trade in the MP4-12C for a 650S before this thing? Guh, what kind of wealthy person are you? Don’t you know you live in a disposable society?

Generally I like the looks of a Bentley Continental. Never been a fan of the drophead, however. The lines just don’t work.
The SLR McLaren seems to get cooler with every passing year. I hated them when they were new, but now I find myself more drawn to them.

RC-F? Yeah, okay, I guess.
I think the GT-R was being driven by some kind of extreme sports man. I’m not sure which one. Tony Hawk was supposed to be in the entourage, but I didn’t see him. I don’t think this was him.

Oooooo
Raaaaa
CAAN!
6. Jon Olsson’s Audi RS6 Avant DTM
IT WASN’T THERE. This car was one of the primary reasons I went to this dumb thing. Why wasn’t it there? Anybody know?

Ugh. So damn sexy.
In conclusion, if I were a mega wealthy person, I certainly would not be on this trip. It sounds exhausting. Who likes going to clubs and spending all of their money?
So, now that you’ve stuck around this long, here’s those overheard quotes I mentioned from the flatbiller morons. I was really conflicted on correcting them, or engaging them in accurate discussion to fix their misconceptions, because it was obvious that they were genuinely enthusiastic about cars, but they were being inconsiderate dillweeds smoking like chimneys upwind of dozens of people, spitting all over the sidewalk, and cussing like sailors with relatively young children nearby. I guess I’ll let them continue to stir in their own ignorant circle.
Overheard: “That’s why I want a Ess Too Kay so bad. I wanna get into time attack. Straight line is all about money, but circuit stuff is all about driver, bro.”
Overheard: “Mercedes makes this 6 wheel Sprinter that’s like a million dollars, and it can drive over like everything, bro.”
Overheard: “The new ZR1 has 707 horsepower. I think the new Z06 is coming out next year with like 800 or something.”
Overheard: “Bro you never herda roadkill? They had all three Hellcats, a charger, a challenger, and a viper. And they drifted them.” (This one had me SO CLOSE to wanting to correct them.)
Overheard: “Is DEADMAU5 coming through here with his head on… IN A DROP TOP MCLAREN?”
Overheard: “Bro, legit, CTS-V wagon the fastest car I ever drove. For real. Like 300 horsepower, like 180 miles an hour.”
All photos (except Jon Olsson’s RS6) ©2015 Hooniverse/Bradley C. Brownell, All Rights Reserved.