'Freeway' is Not to Be Taken Literally

See that guy up there? No, that’s not Brad Pitt, it’s Sovereign Citizen, Michael Creath Jones. What’s a Sovereign Citizen, you might ask?  Well, that’s basically some jag-off who claims not to be bound by the laws of our great nation, but who still whats to avail themselves of the benefits of living here – like the highways. Jones was stopped last Friday by Virginia State Troopers after they observed that instead of license plates, his car sported a hand-scrawled sign that read ‘Virgina – Private Use’ and which looked like it had been written by one of those Chic-fil-a cows.

Upon the demand for driver’s license and registration, Jones proceeded to lock himself in the car and repeatedly state that he was a ‘free citizen on a free highway’. Now, it’s obvious that no one has clued-in Mr. Jones to either the use of a comb nor the fact that nothing is free, and that the highway upon which he was currently expressing his freedoms was paid for by fuel taxes and a dash of nepotistic graft – that just being the way things go. Jones, wily sovereign that he is, offered the Troopers several phony names, likely ones that he had heard Click & Clack use on Car Talk – Phyllis Steen, Luke Warm, Gil T. Azell. Sadly, they weren’t buying any of it.
Sovereign citizen or not, no man is an island, and when faced with the punitive costs that would follow the trooper smashing the car window and dragging him out, Jones finally agreed to open the door and face his 5 misdemeanor counts. So, the lesson is, if you think you are above the law, you better stay off the roads where John Law can come down on you. And buy a brush, dude.
Image source: [newsvirginian.com]

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  1. acarr260 Avatar

    I'm shocked… he looks so normal.

  2. aastrovan Avatar

    Odd that he did not know how to properly spell"virgin".

  3. tiberiusẅisë Avatar

    What's the bet that he and his cohorts collect every type of welfare, medicare, aid for dependent children and food stamps they can get their hands on.

  4. mdharrell Avatar

    Not to be taken literally? But I drive my Freeway on the freeway all the time! It's right there in the logo:
    <img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5022/5737556340_4cb0ca7aee.jpg&quot; width="400">
    Next you'll be telling me to ignore the instructions in the upper left corner about giving everyone the bird….

  5. Alff Avatar

    My question … why'd he stop in the first place?

    1. dmilligan Avatar

      Exactly. If he's a sovereign citizen he doesn't have to obey any orders from an officer of the law. Of course if he had done that, a chase would have ensued and there'd be a good chance that he wouldn't be alive to have his goofy picture taken. I see pros and cons there.

    2. mr. mzs zsm msz esq Avatar
      mr. mzs zsm msz esq

      He probably does not believe in diplomatic immunity either, considering the Vienna Convention on Diplomatic Relations are way too recent, and he neglected to ratify the necessary treaties first.

      1. joshuman Avatar

        "Diplomatic immunity!"
        "It's just been revoked!" Bang, bang.
        Murtaugh did it in Lethal Weapon 2. What a classic movie.

  6. P161911 Avatar

    He needs to get together with Randy Quiad and Wesley Snipes.

  7. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    I bet his home address is 420 Stoner Weed Lane.

    1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      <img src="http://zeroreality.net/pix/broomrape-pb.jpg"&gt;
      (The humour here has nothing to do with forced sodomy by cleaning tool and everything to do with cannabis.)

      1. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
        Peter Tanshanomi

        There's a Redbud Lane in suburban KC…the street signs for it are stolen constantly.

  8. Jim- Avatar

    As much as i can appreciate the Libertarian ethos I also realize that there are (sadly) powers in this world that are greater than the individual. As such I realize that you have to be flippin' nuts to think you can get away with driving on a state or federally maintained highway without one of their license plates on the vehicle. Isn't the lack of a proper license plate how they caught Timothy Mc Veigh?

    1. Smells_Homeless Avatar

      Not Libertarian at all. These loonies claim that they are only beholden to English common law and not any federal, state, or local laws. Libertarians see the need for central government, but disagree about how far government's authority should reach.

  9. Maxichamp Avatar

    He's the same kind of lunatic who swears by that book about how the federal income tax is "illegal".

  10. dragon951 Avatar

    Why didn't the cops just shoot him? Based on his sovereignty, I don't believe there is any court system he can appeal to for 'justice.'
    Or better yet, deport him. He theoretically renounced his US citizenship. Give him an impounded drug boat and a flag that says "Jerkoffistan," and set him adrift.

    1. Maxichamp Avatar

      Because according to his logic, our President needs to declare war on his sovereign country first!

      1. Thrashy Avatar

        Ha! America doesn't declare war, we just start shooting and call it a "conflict!"

  11. dragon951 Avatar

    Apparently all those jumps through space time leave you a little frazzled. That or Waldo's been hitting the crack rock.

  12. coupeZ600 Avatar

    I always wondered if you could just write that and put a reflective triangle on the back of anything and call it a "Farm Vehicle"…. "Honest Officer, I use this NSX to pull a plow, really, really, fast, and I'm just heading over to my friends farm in California to help him out…."
    I had a friend who had a bad habit of collecting D.W.I.'s, so his boss let him use his back-hoe as a "daily driver" because you don't need a drivers license to operate Farm Vehicles/Heavy Equipment on public right-of ways. It always made me smile to see it parked in front of the Bar on my way home from work.

    1. P161911 Avatar

      Your friend's name wasn't Steve was it?[youtube 30InBgGhiSo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30InBgGhiSo youtube]

    2. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      Nothing stopping the law from pinning him with another DWI, though.

      1. coupeZ600 Avatar

        I don't think he really cared….."What are they going to do, take my license for another 150 years?!?!?…"

    3. BGW Avatar

      You're friends with George Jones?

  13. Paul_y Avatar

    Seriously, these people are lunatics. These troopers were lucky he didn't get violent on them.

    1. P161911 Avatar

      That's a good read, even by a group a lot more to the left than me.
      These Sovereign idiots seem to be one of the larger and crazier cults/conspiracy groups out there. They seem to be making the news more and more lately.

      1. Paul_y Avatar

        Everybody but Mussolini is to the left of "sovereign citizens." The SPLC doesn't fool around. They do their homework.

  14. dolo54 Avatar

    Sounds like a good deal to me. Where do I sign up?