By Tim Odell
We’re known in real life for inflicting random web finds upon our friends. “Where do you find this stuff?!” our friends and family ask. Hence: Hooniverse.
Reader Maymar’s beating us at our own game with this one, though. in 1989, Jaguar commissioned the construction of the XJS-Junior, essentially a Power-Wheels with a really fancy interior (that’s the same leather used in the real XJ-S). The four pictures below piece together to form the original brochure.
Laugh all you want, but the kids who got these have likely assumed their predestined roles at the top of the financial food chain. We can only hope the electrics were all Lucas.
Source: Jag-lovers.org, who have some pretty sweet writeups on all things Jiaaaag.
Eric Trytko 
Kamil Kaluski
Just one more thing to add to my wish list, but I'm afraid that if I found one of these for sale, it would cost me more than I spent on my real XJ-S. Damned priorities making something like this an unrealistic acquisition. I guess I'll be doing some rationalizing when and if I find one for sale. It is just too cool.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=755564811…
Damn, real lights, switches, leather, adjustable seats, Real Tires (WTF). All the luxury I ever had was the hard plastic seats and wheels, and a blue and red light bar on my Power Wheels Jeep Wrangler: Police Edition. Hey, at least I didn’t have to deal with the “Prince of Darkness” on my tiny car. I just had to deal with real, life-like Chrysler quality colored plastic interior parts.
While the Police Edition Jeep was a nice PowerWheels toy, we chose to Hoon our cousins Bigfoot Power Wheels with a car battery in the bed. Who knew plastic wheels weren’t rated for slamming into reverse at 30mph???
My Cozy Coupe can beat up your XJS Junior.
Hmmm…no mention of randomly self-immolating wiring harness or headlights that stop working when you select reverse.
So much for authenticity.
I wonder how many times this kid has been to rehab for his addiction to coke and Sperry boat shoes…
I would have killed for one of these when I was little (or whatever the 5-year old equivalent of killing is), or even a Power Wheels Jeep. I had to settle for a BMX, although the locking rear brake was manna to a budding hoon (I, uhh, managed to wear completely through my back tire). I haven’t yet managed to put those skills to use on a motorcycle though (my body thanks me).
Although, if I ever find one of these when I have kids, I’m raising them as yuppies.
I had a Dukes of Hazard Big Wheel. :grumble:
How dare you grumble about the greatest Big Wheel of them all? OK, maybe you could grumble if your best friend had a Knight Rider model. It had a windshield!
I had a Knight Rider bigwheel. Commence to grumbling.
Way cooler was the M.A.S.K Big Wheel my friend down the street had. You pull a shifter looking lever and some gull wings opened up on the front near the handles revealing some spring loaded projectiles. He would always say “Hoo whee! Those Duke Boys are in a mess of trouble. They ain’t never gonna get outta this one.”
And we didn’t.
Spike Jonze wrote an ode to the Big Wheel for the magazine, “GO”, a merger of the magazines “BMX Action” and “Freestylin'” back in the day when he was just a photographer (Mid-80’s?) that was so cool. I’m sure I still have it somewhere…. It talked about hooning the hell out of a toy that would give your father fits trying to fix, because there wasn’t a screw or bolt or nut anywhere on it, just pressed together rivets and heat-welded plastic.
I need two.
Man, I would’ve loved to have one of those. Imagine telling all the neighborhood kids about my new jaaaaaaag. It might be illegal to be that awesome.
IF you could find one of these things today it would probably cost more than a real XJS does now.
Looks killer in Green
http://www.alanbrand.com/?p=66
1) Whoa.
2) Jag in a crate = awesome
3) Not surprisingly, the last comment on that post is a guy asking for help with the crappy wiring…
“ref: jag xjs junior……does any1, or can any1 provide me with wiring diagram, looks like some has played with the wiring and made a bit of a mess, any help appreciated, many thanks.”
Silly guy, little does he know, that someone was Lucas. It was born a mess.
I didn’t notice that, that is hilarious.
No amount of wiring repair will remove the gremlins from Lucas.
Si, little Johny, I told you you didn’t need that XBOX!
I wish my parents were that cool.
When I was ten years old or thereabout, someone started marketing go-carts with Ferrari 308 bodies. If someone had taken me up on the bargain I was offering to obtain one then, my nickname would be “One Nut.”
That first picture looks uncomfortably like a “Bugsy Malone” style re-make of “Pretty Woman.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bugsy_Malone
Or Roman Polanski.
One of my fondest memories as a child was an experience at Toys’R’Us. My brother and I were with our father shopping for a gift when we turned the corner to the Powerwheels aisle. My dad tried to coax my brother into a fully functioning model (pimple faced part time employee neglected to remove the battery). Scared, my brother declined the offer to take it for a test drive. Overzealous I grabbed the wheel, jumped inside and floored it aiming for the end of the aisle at a scale 1/4 mile away. My 60′ was poor due to the plastic wheels on tile floor but by half track had reached maximum velocity. It was then I realized there would be a necessity to shut it down early due to lack of runoff. I turned to my Dad asking where the brakes were located but he was out of earshot. Relying on my instincts I slammed my left foot to the floor of the vehicle hoping it was the brake. This only engaged reverse…still on hard flooring. So my speed decreases slightly and I am now reaching the end of the track. I return to my gut which told me to turn the wheel, inducing a powerslide. I figure I can minimize damage/injury by distributing the impact across the gross area of the side of the vehicle. I slam HARD into the shelving. Realizing I may have woke the dead with the impact, I jump out and push it back the scale 1/4 mile to where my Father is watching/laughing. He throws the vehicle back on shelf and proceeds to quickly usher us out the door before management finds us.
Little does my Father know how many times that powerslide maneuver has saved my bacon in real life. All because we went to purchase a G.I. Joe for Cousin Brian…
That was frigging awesome! Thanks!
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