What do you do when the headlights on your Bentley Turbo fog up and then short out? Replace them? Pfff, not worth it, not for what the dealer charges per hour. Makes more sense to just upgrade to a newer car. But what do you do with the old one, trade it in or sell it to an independent dealer? He’d give you five grand if he’s feeling generous, which only buys you and the gang half a shopping trip to the city, maybe just a couple hours’ worth. And what can you buy on 5th Ave with that much anyway? Not even a proper suit. A bunch of ties and a belt maybe, if they’re on sale. Maybe a pair of leather shoes. Not the good ones, just a spare to keep in the office when it’s mucky outside with all the leaves. Oh well, might as well park the Turbo next to the Shadow in the backyard and figure out what to do with them later, let Rocco play around in them in the summertime when he’s not at camp on Block Island. Let him pretend he’s like his old man back in the 80s when he used to work in the city, trading something or other, but mostly just tapping golf balls into styrofoam cups while on speakerphone with Singapore. Later he’d drive the Turbo to the Hunt Club and hang out with the guys, smoking embargoed Habanos while trading dirty jokes. And then on Saturdays they’d hit the links, mixing bourbon with Pepsi till one of them, usually Chip, drives the golf cart into the bunker again! Hah! Whatever happened to those days?
All right, so this isn’t quite a common sight in the northeast. And clearly this duo isn’t going to get any worse sitting under all that snow for a week or two. But what exactly makes them different from just another pair of used sedans that aren’t especially worth fixing, like a busted E65 behind that shady repair shop run by that guy with tattoos on his neck? (They must be prison tattoos, right?) Let’s face it, most “ran when parked” Bentleys and R-Rs are worth more as parts than they are as drivers. That birdbomb-stuccoed 30 foot yacht that your neighbor hasn’t used in eleven years (he’s been meaning to start working on it any spring now but the weekend weather’s always bad) is actually worth messing with even in the condition that it’s in. And unlike this sad pair, a yacht can be refitted with brand new everything.
The reverse-Gestalt principle very much applies to busted bespoke rides from the 80s: the sum of the parts is greater than the whole. Especially on eBay. The glass alone could probably find a dozen bidders in the Baltic states. And those wheels? Two bidders from Kiev and Osaka are going to stay up 28 hours slugging it out, until the Kiev bidder’s dialup internet connection craps out. And what about the seats and door inserts? A shop in Cali wants them badly, and is prepared to pay for them. Don’t forget about the Ping Zings that are still in the trunk, those are worth something too.
What would you be inclined to do with these turkeys, assuming both have running engines? Restore them, or divide and conquer?
[Images: Copyright 2013 Hooniverse/Jay Ramey]
![http://images.craigslist.org/3I33Fa3N45N15Gb5K5d2abe0feb63744c17a7.jpg"](http://images.craigslist.org/3I33Fa3N45N15Gb5K5d2abe0feb63744c17a7.jpg"){kind=link}
![http://www.desertshard.info/images/plog-content/images/sjards-test-collection/b3ta/pacer-in-the-yard.jpg">](http://www.desertshard.info/images/plog-content/images/sjards-test-collection/b3ta/pacer-in-the-yard.jpg">){kind=link}
![http://www.desertshard.info/images/plog-content/thumbs/sjards-test-collection/b3ta/large/152-034.jpg">](http://www.desertshard.info/images/plog-content/thumbs/sjards-test-collection/b3ta/large/152-034.jpg">){kind=link}
Leave a Reply