Craigslist Crapshoot

Robert Emslie

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The World’s Worst Car Is For Sale On Craigslist

Welcome to Craigslist Crapshoot, our weekly search for the most bizarre, awesome, and/or terrible vehicles that the online classifieds has to offer. Racing takes many forms, from amateur gymkhana events, all the way up to the big Kahuna, F1 – or NASCAR if your hills are full of guys named Billy. Last week, I asked you to fill the field with race cars for sale, and you came through with a starting grid so interesting SPEED TV should dedicate a day in its honor. We’ll see who made it to the winner’s circle in minute, but first this week’s tantalizing task.

Seeing as we’ve pretty much played out the track, let’s get back onto the street. And in fact, because last week was Independence Day week, and everybody loves a parade, this week I want you to find. . . Shriner cars. Okay, come on, pick up your jaws, I know it’s an audacious task, and you may need to pull your fez out of the closet – and potentially get drunk – to participate, but that’s what I want this week, Shriner-mobiles.

And as usual, we want your finds to go down in infamy and not in the site’s spam filter. Follow any of the following advice and you’re crap will be known far and wide.

  1. Easiest way to not get caught in the spam filters is to create an IntenseDebate account. If you do so and your posts aren’t appearing, let us know at tips@hooniverse.info and we can put you on the whitelist
  2. If you don’t want an IDC account, you can create a wordpress.com account and do the same thing.
  3. If you’re the Ted Kaczynski type and don’t want any kind of account, then try to place only a single link in a comment and just drop any outgoing link in via its raw URL and not as a text link
Craigslist Crapshoot doesn’t work if your candidates don’t get seen, so hopefully following one of these options will ensure that the floodgates of crap are fully open. And now, let’s make the jump and see who took the checkered.
 
There’s this episode of The Simpsons where Homer gets this bright idea to gain so much weight that he can go on semi-disability and work form the comfort of home. In need of new clothes due to his now more ample frame, he goes to a clothing store that specializes in big and tall and the hugely fat. The salesman there suggests doctoral robes or a toga, to which Homer demurs, “I don’t want to look like a weirdo.”
 
That wasn’t a worry possessed by many of the sellers of the racers you all found last week, and that one Opel especially demonstrated an acute lack of personal shame on the part of its owner. Less audacious in that manner, but more so in a you did what with a what? way, was the winner of our race car crapshoot, found by  the ever reliable Manic_King.
 
The Paris to Dakar rally is one of the most ridiculous race contests ever devised, and running it in a Rolls Royce Corniche is both audacious and kind of fool hardy considering that breaking down along many parts of the race’s route could potentially mean not just a DNF but DOA owing to marauding bands of robbers and the unforgiving desert. That’s what makes this weird wagon a winner. Way to go, Manic_King!
 
Rolls Royce Corniche I Coupe Jules PARIS-DAKAR for sale at carclassic.com
 
Image source: CarClassic
 

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Robert Emslie

Robert Emslie

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22 responses to “Craigslist Crapshoot”

  1. muthalovin Avatar
    muthalovin

    Shriner cars are small, right?
    1973 Caddilac Fleetwood Small Limo – $3000
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3rc3Gb3qc5E95K45s8d6u3638cfc0355b156e.jpg"&gt;
    "THIS CAR WAS USED IN BEST WHORE HOUSE IN TEXAS
    ITS A SMALL LIMO CAN SEAT 5 IN THE BACK GREAT"
    Selling point? You tell me.
    http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3904577279.html

    Reply
    1. dukeisduke Avatar
      dukeisduke

      It's funny that they call it a "small limo". It's not a small limo at all, it's a real, genuine limo. These things you see nowadays aren't limos at all. They're ridiculously stretched cars, and a lot of times they're hack jobs – like the one that caught fire recently in the Bay area, burning five women to death.

      Reply
    2. frankthecat Avatar
      frankthecat

      This would be perfect for terrifying other motorists, if it had a light window tint and the hideaway headlights off of a Continental.

      Reply
    3. rustylink Avatar
      rustylink

      BANACEK!!!!!!

      Reply
    4. sporty88au Avatar
      sporty88au

      I assume the seller means the movie "Best Little Whorehouse In Texas" – at least that's what I hope he means. Otherwise I'd be taking along one of those blacklights that they use in CSI to check out the interior.

      Reply
  2. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    How coincidental. I just saw this locally earlier this week:
    1967 honda 305 – $2195 (lawrence ks)
    http://kansascity.craigslist.org/mcy/3916306693.h…
    Listed as "ex-shriner," with various badges to back it up.
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/00t0t_9201QHfUXIA_600x450.jpg&quot; width="512">

    Reply
  3. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    Another one from Missouri, more to the expected scale:
    J C Penney Shriner Carts – $1650
    http://joplin.craigslist.org/mcd/3806410388.html
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K63L23J15F35J35Mbd5ff5c9a7bb7d4e1a7c.jpg&quot; width="512">
    …although I have no idea what "sanaancens" means.

    Reply
    1. dukeisduke Avatar
      dukeisduke

      I think there's a "d" in there – "sandancens". And the next-to-last letter could be an "r" – "sandancers". And I still don't get either one of those.

      Reply
      1. RegalRegalia Avatar
        RegalRegalia

        Sandancers will cut you.

        Reply
        1. Tomsk Avatar
          Tomsk

          And sand people will finish you off.
          <img src="http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/38084267/The+Sand+People+are+Easily+Startled+but+They+will++TRaider.jpg&quot; />

          Reply
          1. RegalRegalia Avatar
            RegalRegalia

            (I have no faith this gif will work) Dancing Sand People (They will fuck you up):
            <img src="http://medias.omgif.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/The-sand-people-dance.gif"&gt;

      2. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
        Peter Tanshanomi

        I'm sure it is sandancers. Although these don't look much like Shriners…
        <img src="http://gallery.getsholidays.com/var/albums/Rajasthan/Rajasthan-Tour/Jaisalmer/Colorful-rajasthan-desert-tour.jpg?m=1329475071&quot; width="500">

        Reply
  4. joshuman Avatar
    joshuman

    Well, I have the plate for the car anyway. http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/pts/3858868655….
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3E13r83q45Lf5r55qbd68d05292f14e5b1116.jpg"&gt;

    Reply
  5. Irishzombieman☆ Avatar
    Irishzombieman☆

    BAM!
    1929 FORD ZOR SHRINER CLOWN CAR – $2950 (DENTON, TX)
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Ed3N83q25Ea5rf5tdd6d4902e67f31ac1614.jpg&quot; width=350>
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3ta3L23Je5F35q55t4d6d1b74d2662ced14e0.jpg&quot; width=350>
    . http://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/cto/3867895649.h…

    Reply
  6. Pixel Avatar
    Pixel

    1949 Jeepster – $10000 (SE CT)
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Ia3F63J55Nf5G15Mcd63a1f15a01cf341019.jpg"&gt;
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3E23J63N35Lf5Id5Kad63041714aaf4d6189d.jpg"&gt;
    http://hartford.craigslist.org/cto/3848085420.htm…

    Reply
  7. MVEilenstein Avatar
    MVEilenstein

    Except, SPEED wouldn't touch it unless it was a field full of Sprint Cup cars.

    Reply
  8. P161911 Avatar
    P161911

    This COULD be one of the famous Imps of Omaha shriner cars. Every year a couple of dozen shriners in Omaha would get together and order identical Imperial convertibles from the 1950s until the last Imperial convertible in 1968. This accounted for roughly 5% of Imperial convertible production every year. Annual production ranged from 500-600 on convertibles.
    <img src="http://www.mecum.com/auctions/FL0112/FL0112-121096/images/1963-Chrysler-Imperial.jpg?lastmod=012812141700&quot; width="500/"> http://www.mecum.com/auctions/lot_detail.cfm?LOT_… http://www.imperialclub.com/Rare/Shriner/ImpsOfOm…

    Reply
  9. Gary N. Avatar
    Gary N.

    I love Shriners cars, and I think anyone is hard pressed to come up with a more worthy cause than providing free medical care to sick and injured children.

    Reply
  10. Sjalabais Avatar
    Sjalabais

    Shriner's need to be policed, too, right?
    <img src="http://finncdn.no/dynamic/480w/2013/7/vertical-3/11/5/427/600/35_573435679.jpg"&gt;

    Reply
  11. desolit Avatar
    desolit

    i got nothin

    Reply
  12. nate99 Avatar
    nate99

    My step father was a Shriner. His golf buddies were Shriners too and they were my first encounter with drunk people.
    I could not understand what was so funny and why and adult man was acting so foolish.
    But enough about me, back on topic, my observation would be that the preferred rides of Shriners had significant overlap in the Venn diagram with preferred rides of 70's pimps, so I'll go with this:
    http://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/cto/3896519330.h…
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3J73q63H15s65q55tdd6qe89d575e581f166c.jpg"&gt;
    FWIW, all I did was run a search on "brougham" and picked the first one I found that wasn't a donk.
    Complete with paranoid (but frugal!) anti-theft collar around the steering column. Given the asking price, I can only presume he can not remove it.

    Reply
  13. radepa.ir Avatar
    radepa.ir

    In recovery there is something called dual factor theory. The soft,
    flexible sleeves on these are able to mold to your ear shape
    and therefore create a seal around the ear. Bose hhas learned from these failures
    and has provided the consumer with earbuds that sometimes don’t even feel like they are budding in the ear.

    Reply