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Craigslist Crapshoot

Craigslist Crapshoot

By Robert Emslie Jun 26, 2013

The World’s Worst Car Is For Sale On Craigslist

Welcome to Craigslist Crapshoot, our weekly search for the most bizarre, awesome, and/or terrible vehicles that the online classifieds has to offer. Personal Coupes were the order of the day last week, and the task at hand was to find those that also needed their transmissions shifted personally. We’ll see the coupe de grâce after the jump, but first we have some business to attend to regarding this week’s assignment.

They say that when life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. I say when confronted by the automotive equivalent of a yellow citrus fruit, go racing! That’s why this week I want you to find 24 hewers d’ LeMons contenders. You know the rules, they need to be net-$500 cars or trucks, and they need to be competitive, either in track time or their ability to provide the foundation for a theme.

And as usual, we want your finds to go down in infamy and not in the site’s spam filter. Follow any of the following advice and you’re crap will be known far and wide.

  1. Easiest way to not get caught in the spam filters is to create an IntenseDebate account. If you do so and your posts aren’t appearing, let us know at ti**@ho********.info and we can put you on the whitelist
  2. If you don’t want an IDC account, you can create a wordpress.com account and do the same thing.
  3. If you’re the Ted Kaczynski type and don’t want any kind of account, then try to place only a single link in a comment and just drop any outgoing link in via its raw URL and not as a text link
Craigslist Crapshoot doesn’t work if your candidates don’t get seen, so hopefully following one of these options will ensure that the floodgates of crap are fully open. And now, let’s get personal.
I’ll bet your significant other or other family members gave you a funny look last week when you told them you were looking at the online personals ads. Of course you weren’t looking for a SWF but instead something with two doors and a stick shift.
 
Many of those were found, a lot more than I expected in fact. And while not e-Harmonious, a lot were ones that most of us wouldn’t mind meeting on a blind date.  The coolest one however, at least for me, was the 1977 Olds Cutlass found by salguod. This bad boy is said to be all-original and rocks both the ‘economy’ 260 V8 and – this was ’77 remember – a factory 5-speed transmission, making it the odd Colonnade without a column shifter. It may not be a Rocket, but seeing as it’s rarer than a chicken’s second molar, it wins the week. Congrats salguod!
 
1977 Olds Cutlass
 
Image source: Columbus Craigslist 

By Robert Emslie

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112 thoughts on “Craigslist Crapshoot”

  1. How 'bout a big block wagon for that full land yacht experience? Nothing says "Get out of my way" quite like a 3 ton battering ram that can't stop or turn. Could do some kind of modified "Truckster" theme…
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3r13Id3F35G55H35t9d6q8379c67ded521b37.jpg&quot; width="550">
    Almost seems a bit of a shame to use it for that, but still… <a href="http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/cto/3896169269.html” target=”_blank”>http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/cto/3896169269.html

    Reply

    1. Since when is a 350 a "bigblock"? Although Wiki does mention the Buick small block is very wide and looks like a big block. I had to check, I couldn't remember which of the non-Chevy GM V-8s had big and small block versions. Buick does, Olds sort of does, and Pontiac used basically the same block for 287 to 455 versions.

      Reply

    2. Barely two tons, actually.
      Still, good choice. The B-body, with either an Olds 307 or Chevy 350, are almost indestructible.

      Reply

  3. How about a car with endurance racing pedigree? 504 Pujoo from San Antonio for $300, right near the old abandonded Peugeot service shop that still has it's sign up. I may have to call my Autoholics Anonymous sponsor soon, this one is priced right and close by…
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3rf3Ic3s25Kb5sa5q7d6oe57512d3edbb1758.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://sanantonio.craigslist.org/cto/3893090197.html” target=”_blank”>http://sanantonio.craigslist.org/cto/3893090197.html

    Reply

      1. Yeah, it's talking to me in a way that's kinda hard to ignore. I can't believe the bodies straight and all there. Right front bumper's a bit bent, but the rest looks great.
        And the engine runs!

        Reply

    1. Paint it white, and go with a washing-machine theme! (I'll bet the rear hatch can be turned into a nice front-loader door, with one of those big glass bubbles so you can see the clothes being washed as it races around the corners).

      Reply

      1. Pretty sure you're right there. 2nd gen 4 door. The slight hood bulge over where the headlights were and the roof line around the rear are pretty good indicators.

        Reply

  11. It's got cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks. It's a model made before after catalytic converters so it'll run good just as badly on regular gas.
    Judge Phil loves slant 6 cars, and also came from Minnesota. Zero penalty laps. http://houston.craigslist.org/cto/3807664158.html
    1980 Plymouth Volare Police Car – $200 (Hockley, TX)
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K93G13J45Ee5H35Jed5f775c49629d1a1c3a.jpg"&gt;
    I have finally resigned myself to the fact that I will probably never restore this one, and don't want to watch it rot, so I'm offering it for sale . 1980 Plymouth Volare Police Pkg car ex-Minneapolis unit (possibly an unmarked, but there are indications on the roof chrome that a lightbar may have been mounted at one time). White with tan interior, certified speedo, A/C, 6cyl, auto, single spotlight, four Mopar police wheels, three good Mopar police hubcaps (fourth one lost somwhere).Odometer says 114747, but don't know how accurate that is. Car ran when I bought it 8 years ago, and I drove it from Minnesota to Texas. Ran up until parked about 5 years ago. Has a lot of rust in the normal places for a northern car. Someone installed an aftermarket stereo and speakers, so they cut up the front door panels and package shelf.
    Only asking $200.00 for the vehicle, have an old Minnesota title in former owner's name, so this one would be hard to register unless your state exempts vehicles this old from title requirements. As a parts car this would not matter much anyway.

    Reply

    1. I've always thought the hubcaps with the holes punched in them was da bomb. But why the holes? To cool the lugnuts? And how do you put them back on without damaging them? SO many questions.

      Reply

      1. I think I'm going to start using "cool your lugnuts" as a substitute for "chill out, man."

        Reply

        2. I've never understood the point of the holes, but I thought they looked cool. We had unmarked cop Volares in Dallas, but they had some massive full wheelcovers that stuck out like a foot (okay, I'm exaggerating) on each side. Those cars were so obvious as cop cars.

          Reply

          1. BBs=small copper marbles. Just so they make some horrible and indecipherable noise.

          2. In the army in TX Dad had a '65 Barracuda and he bought a '37 Ford 4 door sedan project car just before being discharged. To come home to Ohio, he put a bumper mounted tow bar on the Ford, a hitch on the 'Cuda and headed north.
            At some point he heard a rattling, so he pulled over and started popping hubcaps. He quickly realized the Barracuda wheel covers had holes in them, exposing the lug nuts so he made his way back to the Ford. On the 2nd or 3rd wheel, all 5 lug nuts fell on the ground when the hub cap came off. The studs were nearly worn through and the holes in the wheel worn very oversized.
            Nearly lost both cars, and maybe his life. This was before I was born, so if he had, I wouldn't have been here to win last week's shoot out. 😀

  12. Quote the Craiglister: "Before Georgie's death he had 2 brand new tires (only 600 miles on them) put on. His air conditioning blew nice and cold. He got great gas mileage (oh, there's still $20 worth of gas in his tank, too)."
    George is a Metro, and he blew his block. So sad.
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3ta3Ge3q35ra5K55Fad6q6743115206371d31.jpg"&gt;
    1999 Chevrolet Metro – $600
    <a href="http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3896340906.html” target=”_blank”>http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3896340906.html

    Reply

    1. Dude.
      I may need to come get that one…
      This gen of Northstar is notorious for blowing head gaskets.

      Reply

      1. Ah, so THAT's why it's a mechanic's special: the mechanic sells it to a customer, then makes boatloads of money replacing head gaskets!

        Reply

  20. This ad is the most amazing CL auto ad I have seen.
    cheap ! cheap ! car Gas saver – $700
    "I Have a Small car….. gas saver….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Im selling my car i dont have the TITLE for it i have not used it in 2 yrs
    runs good needs TIRES, REGISTRATION STICKER, its has over 200k miles
    serious buyers im moving out where i will be living wont be able to keep out side
    call me @ xxx-xxxx"
    And that's it! So, apparently this is that Small Car – Gas Saver edition from Chevy.
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3G33Lc3I75N25K25F4d65f278996e569d1ec4.jpg"&gt;
    http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3851663450.html

    Reply

    1. Every once and a while I get the sense someone's selling their neighbor's car while house sitting.

      Reply

      1. The Studebaker demands some kind of Queen theme, and frequent plays of "We are the Champions."

        Reply

          2. My thoughts exactly. It looks like some sort of 60s James Bond submarine.

  25. This one actually has good possibilities if you are good with a wrench. 1997 Grand Am $500
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3E73t13sc5sc5q95tbd6p34eac20bce8318af.jpg"width=500&gt;
    All the body panels are clean and it doesn't look like any large mammals or reptiles have taken up residence on the interior. <a href="http://atlanta.craigslist.org/wat/cto/3894225703.html” target=”_blank”>http://atlanta.craigslist.org/wat/cto/3894225703.html

    Reply

    1. What they don't tell you, however, is the camera's date was set ahead by seven years when the photo was taken….

      Reply

    1. One of my favorite series of articles ever.
      Along with the one where he followed two cars from their arrival at the junkyard to the time they went into the crusher.

      Reply

    1. That intake is horrific. I guess those crimps in the tubing make it fair for the Hondas that he is apparently outrunning on a regular basis.

      Reply

  36. Chevrolet Chevette (superleggera race prep.) It can be yours for R$ 900,00 ( 425,00 U$ )
    <img src="http://bimg2.mlstatic.com/chevette-1981-chevrolet-retirada-de-pecas-doc-atrasado_MLB-F-4521018895_062013.jpg&quot; width="600"> <a href="http://carro.mercadolivre.com.br/MLB-492110922-chevette-1981-chevrolet-retirada-de-pecas-doc-atrasado-_JM” target=”_blank”>http://carro.mercadolivre.com.br/MLB-492110922-chevette-1981-chevrolet-retirada-de-pecas-doc-atrasado-_JM

    Reply

  40. Finland seems to be the promised land for sub-500 euro beaters, that search yielded over 1100 results on Nettiauto.com. They won't allow hotlinking their pictures, but the following URL hides a gorgeous sports sedan with a Porsche-designed engine for only 150 euro… runs and drives, have title, no back taxes, not registered…
    http://www.nettiauto.com/lada/samara/5633612

    Reply

  44. Hey, I won! Cool.
    My Dad had a '77 Cutlass with the 350 and an automatic. I remember looking through the owner's manual and seeing the 260 5 speed described and thinking that would be a cool combo.

    Reply

    1. That was back when the Cutlass was the top selling car model in America. I was in high school then, and I knew several people that owned Cutlasses.

      Reply

      1. Dad always loved those colonnade Cutlasses and when he learned that '77 was the last year, he decided to buy one. His was a orange Supreme with the tan stripes, moldings, landau top & interior. He kept it for many years, ti was the car I learned to drive in in the mid 80s. I think he sold it in '88 when he got his first Caravan.
        There was a law suit because Olds was selling them so fast they couldn't make their 350 V8s fast enough. So GM put Chevy 350s in some. There was a law suit and owners with the Chevy engine got something like $400. Dad's had an Olds V8 so he didn't get a settlement.

        Reply

        1. Yep, that was the beginning of the "corporate" engines. IIRC, the genesis of the lawsuit was when a customer took their Olds in to be serviced, and was told the repairs couldn't be completed on time because they were waiting on the local Chevy dealer to send over a driver with a fan belt. Whoops!

          Reply

    1. Poor truck. Needs body swap, unmolested body from mechanically end-of -life Jeep and this banana-look body could go Lemons racing.

      Reply

    2. Guy says it is a "head turner" . That is just what I thought as I looked at it and shook my head wondering WTF?

      Reply

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    Reply

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