Classic Captions Contest: 1998 Mercedes-Benz S320 Edition

Here’s another jaunt at our infamous Classic Captions Contest here on the Hooniverse. Is there anyone else out there a giant Benz W140 S-Class fan as I am? I mean, look at the whip above, pure class. When I was in high school, I worked at a local used luxury car lot in Milwaukee where we’d buy, detail, and then sell old Audis, Jaguars, BMWs, Mercedes-Benz, Porsche, Lexus- the list goes on.
I’ve always had a spot in my motoring heart for the W140 generation of S-Class, even if all the ones I’ve been behind the wheel of, have been plagued with horrendous reliability issues as told by a Christmas eve display of warning and check engine lights lit up across the dashboard. Before jumping into this portrait combining adrenaline and motoring, let’s reflect on our last Classic Captions Contest with everyone’s favorite Italian people mover, the ’99 Fiat Ulysse. The press photo was well, questionable with a shot of superstition. Here are a four of the winning comments.

“Fix It Again, Antonia.”-Troggy

“The downward spiral continued as the news of her affair went public. First, the limo disappeared, replaced by a minivan. Then the private jet turned into a twin-engine propeller plane. And finally, the ultimate indignity – Her Royal Highness’s matched luggage (sob!) no longer matched.”-onrails

“The stewardess politely rechecked the passenger list before telling Ted that he, with his tiny little briefcase of cash, was nobody going nowhere.”-Lokki
“She knew she was making everyone wait, but she wasn’t going to stop trying until she got a good WiFi signal and downloaded that Prince song.”-Papa Van Twee

Back to the big Benz. While flipping through the expansive archives of press photos on, I paused at this promo image since I too, rock climb. I couldn’t help but begin analyzing every aspect of this late ’90s scene at the local climbing wall. There’s plenty of “Hmm?” thoughts that ascend into my mind. Why are they using exasperatingly long ropes that you’d see sport climbing up the side of Yosemite’s El Capitan? Plus come on chuffers (skiing’s “jerry” in rock climbing), you know you should keep those pricey ropes in a rope bag. Brian, you’re not impressing Lisa and Crystal with your sluggish rope coil draped over your shoulder like a bad ass.
Why is this almost $100,000 premium, full-size Hindendburg on wheels parked just below a rock climbing wall? One cannot belay, with a ’98 S320. One cannot use, a ’98 S320 as a crash pad while bouldering. There’s also so much leaning going on! Brian, Lisa, and Sharon are all leaning on this German luxobarge, which begs the question…who owns it? Use the comments section below to tell your tale.

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16 responses to “Classic Captions Contest: 1998 Mercedes-Benz S320 Edition”

  1. neight428 Avatar

    Brian could never turn down the opportunity to overcome a challenge for its own sake without tangible benefit.

  2. P161911 Avatar

    How thoughtful, Mercedes included tow ropes in the tool kit.

  3. Sjalabais Avatar

    “My Aztek’s at the shop and they gave me this loaner. It doesn’t even have a fold-out-tent!”

  4. Van_Sarockin Avatar

    I’m climbing the wall over you’ze – without apologies to Hank Williams.

  5. richdelish Avatar

    I don’t have to compensate for anything with my enormous S-Class.

  6. 0A5599 Avatar

    Mercedes engineers spent countless hours developing a vehicle that would self-destruct just as the warranty was expiring.
    Unfortunately, the marketing team had to inform them “Like a Rock” was already trademarked.

  7. onrails Avatar

    Jim’s never failing optimism since the divorce had landed him in some odd situations. First he lost the house but fell into a good find on a used Mercedes (only 93 months at 21% interest). “But”, he thought to himself as he unloaded the ropes from the trunk, “these two co-eds seem like they’re maybe interested in more than some climbing, right? Like the old saying goes, give someone enough rope and they’ll hang themselves.

  8. Rust-MyEnemy Avatar

    “Right, you’ve managed the climbing wall. Now, who’s brave enough to scale the North Face of the S-Class?”

  9. Papa Van Twee Avatar
    Papa Van Twee

    “Come on, ladies. You already outnumber me, you don’t really need this much rope to tie me up!”
    “Shut up! The beard comes off!”

  10. Monkey10is Avatar

    Mercedes Benz.
    Marketed to social climbers.
    …what’s new?

  11. Vairship Avatar

    “The best or nothing”” Well, they’re still standing on the ground, so…

  12. Zentropy Avatar

    Why yes, this is indeed my Mercedes. Him? No, he’s just my spotter– not my type. But you, on the other hand…

    1. P161911 Avatar

      This is a Mercedes not a Subaru.

      1. Zentropy Avatar

        Maybe in the 90s. Audi these days.

  13. Volvo_Nut Avatar

    “Christ, what an a$$hole!”

  14. outback_ute Avatar

    C’mon, Dad said we had to have the car back by 6!