Classic Captions Contest: 1995 Fiat Coupé Edition

If you’ve been following along with our recent rampant of Hooniverse Classic Captions Contests, a fair amount of the retro press images I’ve selected depict said featured car amidst some type of active sport or form of mighty fine outdoor recreation. A while back we took a close look at an Oldsmobile Fiernza poached at the bottom of a slope in Winter Park, and then the other week a boxy W-140 S-Class invaded the local climbing crag. Now were firing ahead another arrow with Fiat’s 1995 Coupé.

Before jumping into this Italian Robin Hood scene unfolding, here are the four best comments from our last contest. Clearly Brian was feeling extra confident after flashing his first 5.8 the other month and wanted to show all of his climbing buddies he can achieve anything, even by securing a ridiculous lease on this ’98 Mercedes. Student loan payments can always wait, Brian.

“C’mon, Dad said we had to have the car back by 6!”-outback_ute

“Why yes, this is indeed my Mercedes. Him? No, he’s just my spotter– not my type. But you, on the other hand…”-Zentropy

“Mercedes engineers spent countless hours developing a vehicle that would self-destruct just as the warranty was expiring. Unfortunately, the marketing team had to inform them ‘Like a Rock’ was already trademarked.”-0A5599

“Jim’s never failing optimism since the divorce had landed him in some odd situations. First he lost the house but fell into a good find on a used Mercedes (only 93 months at 21% interest). ‘But’, he thought to himself as he unloaded the ropes from the trunk, ‘these two seem like they’re maybe interested in more than some climbing, right’ Like the old saying goes, give someone enough rope and they’ll hang themselves.”-onrails

Think for a minute, about various hobbies or recreational activities either you indulge in or observe people doing. I for one, know that the majority of my friends who’d rather be out hugging trees than sitting in front of a television glowing with Netflix, mostly drive hatchbacks or station wagons, especially Subarus. Most people I know that like, well, country “Amurica” things, bomb around in old 2000s Pontiacs with stickers littered across the back window and a can of dip in their left hand, or lifted Ford or Dodge diesel trucks with their mirrors goofily extended, pretending to tow something out of compensation. Perhaps the classiest of elites that prefer crocheting over basketball, hand-writing a thank you letter with a $1,000 ink pen over texting, choose the Bentley Bentayga as their preferred mode of transport. But what about…the Fiat crowd? What past times would an owner of a sharp Fiat Coupe take pride in? Archery? Racquetball? Stamp collecting?
This confusing ’90s press image from Fiat above hints that anyone who drives home a Coupé, must be infatuated with the fine practice of archery. Many questions arise however. Is this a test drive gone wrong? Why is Claudia dressed like it’s steaming hot July in Milan, while Ricardo is wearing layers heavier than his wallet will be with receipts from perpetual visits to his local Fiat mechanic? What are they shooting at? Why are Ricardo’s arrows so small? Did the bow come with the car?

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15 responses to “Classic Captions Contest: 1995 Fiat Coupé Edition”

  1. neight428 Avatar

    It says so right there in the manual, read it for yourself, “Chapter One, Roadside Assistance: Affix weatherproof “ASSISTANCE REQUESTED” ribbon to arrow, aim along roadway in the direction of nearest civilization, release at a 45 degree incline.”

  2. mdharrell Avatar

    “Yes, they’re crossbow bolts, but my mechanic assured me they’re just as good as OEM.”

  3. Maymar Avatar

    The low-budget Italian remake of The Terminator made some really odd choices, but there was something admirably low-key about eschewing Skynet to have the T-1000 try and prevent the Bangle Butt.

  4. tonyola Avatar

    The Fiat isn’t the only thing in the picture that has big twin-bubble headlights.

  5. Batshitbox Avatar

    “I sure appreciate you stopping to give me a ride. Just let me… heh darned thing… get this bow unstrung Mrs…?”
    “Stanwyck. And your name?”
    “Fletch. Fletch Fletcher.”

  6. I_Borgward Avatar

    Shapely European looks, or fiddling with your bow. The choice seems clear.

  7. Vairship Avatar

    Fiat’s design team never realized the slashes on their concept were never intended to be part of the car, having been applied by a wayward archer with bad aim.

  8. Troggy Avatar

    “Did you think I was joking when I said this thing is powered by rubber bands? We’ll be on our way again once I’ve finished winding it back up.”

  9. Lokki Avatar

    Noting the big headlights on the girl as well as the car, Antonio’s arrow shot straight up.

  10. Alff Avatar

    “Great shot! Fire it again, Tony.”

  11. onrails Avatar

    “I don’t think this is how it’s supposed to be done, Robin.” Marian said as he dropped off her new FIAT.
    “Nonsense, my dear lady – I got this from the rich dealer over in Sherwood, and I’m giving it to you!”
    “Yes, but Robin darling, I’m not poor. You take from the rich, and give to the poor don’t you?”
    “Ah, but that is the genius in this my sweet Marian… after a few repair visits, you will be among their ranks. It’s prophetic! You can thank me later.”

  12. theskitter Avatar

    The Fiat grew more and more unconvinced that this “tiny shot” “wouldn’t hurt a bit”.
    And the apprehension was apparent.

  13. crank_case Avatar

    I figure if we use this to shoot the timing belt into the side of the engine bay, we can change it without having to lift the engine out like the workshop manual says..

  14. Rust-MyEnemy Avatar

    “Chris Bangle did quite a good job on this, didn’t he?”
    “Yeah. An arrow through the shoulder will force him to quit while he’s ahead”

  15. Wayne Moyer Avatar
    Wayne Moyer

    “How did the bow fit in the car? Well that’s pretty obvious if you think about it. I mean look at the size of the arrows. Any bow that can fire these small arrows can fit into that little Fiat there. Easy peezy, fresh and squeezy. Now if you don’t mind I have some cold fusion logic to work on for Fiat. They are looking to power the next Punto. So if you will just get back in and sit next to the bow we’ll be right off”