Classic Captions Contest – 1982 Plymouth Reliant K Edition

For this week’s run of Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest, we shoot back to 1982. The setting? A quiet farm house on the outskirts of hoppin’ Fond du Lac, Wisconsin. The Ross family takes a moment from supper, to pose with their whip- the stunning, sexy, sophisticated ’82 Plymouth Reliant K.
But before we write this classic 1980s Chrysler advertisement’s backstory- let’s applaud the following two comments from last week’s Classic Captions Contest that featured a 1956 Cadillac.
“Kitty had a little known story. Jack Ruby ensured it stayed that way.” – 0A5599
“Lenny the bag man was right on schedule, and started to cross the street. Floyd reached for the Racing Form with the microfiche tucked inside, ready for the hand off. But, Lenny being Lenny, he never passes up the opportunity to gawk at a passing dame. That’s all it took. In a split second, Spike mashed the gas on the Cad, and Lenny got up close and personal with Spike’s whitewalls. A coup de grâce with a Coupe de Ville.”- I_Borgward
And we’re back to the glorious ’80s. When I was browsing through my favorite online database for old car advertisement photos and brochures, I caught this shot, from a year when we spelt “moneysworth” all as one word. This spontaneous family photo is a bit perplexing. Grandma Eleanor doesn’t seem to mind the quick, casual break from the meal she spent all day preparing. Her tallest son, Roger Ross, in the orange trucker hat had just finished up an exhausting twelve-hour shift at the local Mercury Marine (or “Merc,” we true Wisconsinties call it) shop down near the shores of shallow, sturgeon-filled Lake Winnebago. He really wanted to finish G’ma’s potato turkey bake and get back to work. “Gotta get those boats ready to go in the morning (strong accented emphasis on the “o,” folks),” Roger said to his wife, Dotsie, who smiled uncomfortably waiting for the camera’s shutter to click close. We can’t forget about Edgar Ross, aka “Old Man Edg,” who just decided to out-class his entire family by wearing a bow tie and wool sport coat to dinner,  and demand everyone pose for a Christmas card photo in front of his new, 1982 Plymouth Reliant K.
Your turn to tell the rest of this rural American family’s story or create your own, in the comments section below. Get to it.

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34 responses to “Classic Captions Contest – 1982 Plymouth Reliant K Edition”

  1. Alcology Avatar

    Selling the farm didn’t get you much in 1982. On a side note: what is a moneysworth? I feel like the ad is some sort of spy code and an extra moneysworth would mean the Ruskies are Red Dawning it.

    1. mdharrell Avatar

      Moneysworth, at far left, didn’t mind working as their chauffeur but wished they would remember to capitalize his name.

      1. Alcology Avatar

        Or on it.

      2. Vairship Avatar

        Is Moneysworth related to Moneypenny? Penny for your thoughts, 007!

  2. Citric Avatar

    The Littlest Hobo did not show up in time to prevent this family from making a terrible mistake at their local Plymouth dealer.

  3. GTXcellent Avatar

    The Spuckler family gathers around Dolly’s newest bundle of joy, all lovingly wrapped up in her arms – a replacement cylinder head for that garbage 2.2L

  4. Alff Avatar

    Professor Kingsfield’s life went to shit after he lost the paper chase.

    1. 0A5599 Avatar

      You come in here with a skull full of mush; you leave with a rusty K car.

      1. Alff Avatar


    2. dukeisduke Avatar

      I saw that picture and thought, “Holy sh-t, what’s *he* doing there?” I remember a lot of car ads, but I don’t remember him hawking K-Cars. Quite a come down from working with Orson Welles’ Mercury Theater. From Mercury, to Plymouth?

      1. Alff Avatar

        It’s the Houseman curse – hire him as a pitchman and decades later the brand is dead.

          1. Alff Avatar

            I look forward to dancing on Ronald’s grave.

      2. mdharrell Avatar

        He did several TV commercials for them, including one similar to this week’s print ad:

        1. dukeisduke Avatar

          “The Spucklers make money the old fashioned way – they earn it.”

  5. P161911 Avatar

    Bob isn’t smiling because he just knows that this thing will crap out before 48 months of payments on the $7,482 are up, but after the 3 yr/ 36k mile warranty.
    Alfred is frowning, wondering just what kind of putz his daughter married.

  6. P161911 Avatar

    Roger is still mad that Dotsie talked him into trading in the Plymouth Gran Fury Wagon for this little thing. Now the whole family can’t even go in one car. How is this saving gas?!?

  7. onrails Avatar

    Frank, the only one downwind from the his newest grandson, wonders what’s going to get changed first: the kid’s diaper or the sludged up oil in his lazy son-in-law’s car.
    Also… I was off last week so I missed the return. Classic Captions is back! Woo hoo!

  8. smalleyxb122 Avatar

    “How do we show, pictorially, that the new Reliant seats 6?”
    Show eight people standing next to it.
    Eight people?”
    Well one of them should be a baby.
    “Alright then.”

    1. P161911 Avatar

      Today, I think that the only vehicle that you can buy with six seats in only two rows is a full size truck, and that is optional on all but the poverty spec models. EVERYTHING has to have a center console. Fun fact, as of at least 2011 front center seat passengers only got a lap belt in a Silverado.

        1. P161911 Avatar

          I count at least 3 rows.

          1. salguod Avatar

            But 9 people in 3 rows so 6 in any 2.

          2. P161911 Avatar

            There are lots of three row SUVs that seat 8 people.

  9. hwyengr Avatar

    The K stands for Kissincousins.

    1. dukeisduke Avatar

      My tenth grade biology teacher once said to the class, “You’ve heard of kissin’ cousins? That’s all they better be!”

  10. outback_ute Avatar

    Pick the cardboard cutout
    Edit… And win a K car! Second prize: 2 K cars!
    (Ok so it isn’t particularly original, but why not…)

  11. Harry Callahan Avatar
    Harry Callahan

    Is that Mike Rowe in the middle?

  12. Harry Callahan Avatar
    Harry Callahan

    “Nobody knows Ma is pregnant”

  13. Jim McClelland Avatar
    Jim McClelland

    John Houseman forever regretted having sexual relations with his cousin.

  14. Dennis Jarmuzewski Avatar
    Dennis Jarmuzewski

    Is he responsible for the old lady being pregnant

  15. What the Heck is That? Avatar
    What the Heck is That?

    NY Sullivan & Cromwell marketing dept. sarcastic take on a flyover family and their fake Mercedes fwd built with VW powertrain … All the while stealing the pension funds & creating their main product – financial chaos for the banksters.